(Closed) Strip Club

posted 11 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 17
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think you guys need to have a heart to heart since you have different views of what’s acceptable and hadn’t previously discussed it.  This way he can explain why he thought it was OK and you can explain why you’re not alright with it. It’ll be good to discuss what boundaries you put up for other people – emotional cheating vs physical cheating and all that fun stuff. 

You can’t help what hurts you and so your feelings shouldn’t be dismissed but at the same time he’s not a mind reader so these things do need discussed. 

Post # 18
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

For starters, welcome to the hive.

I’m with the other ladies, had you discussed before hand what was appropriate and what wasn’t?? If you hadn’t, then really there is nothing to actually be mad about. He didn’t know

If you did, then i recommend having a long talk with him. Explain your hurt and what you’re going to do to fix it.

Post # 20
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m guessing his buddies planned the bachelor party. It probably wasn’t what he would have chosen to do, but I know with stuff like this sometimes the guy is just out of the loop until the night of or he’s just letting his buddies plan it. 

Post # 22
Member
1700 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@mishrb12: I just wanted to say that I agree with hotchild. I’m one of the ones who is ok with stripclubs. In my mind, it’s really no different than going bowling or something – just entertainment. So the fact that there are some of us who think that way, and you all had never discussed your thoughts on it, he may have just thought you were one who thought that way too. Now that you have talked about it and he said that he wouldn’t have done it if he had known it would upset you, I don’t think you have to worry about him ever going again!

Post # 23
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with most of the other posters…it was a one time thing and pretty much accepted as a rite of passage during the bachelor party. If it did upset you, talk it over with your Fiance and explain to him why it bothers you and make sure you set boundaries for future events. I honestly don’t think he thought of it as a betrayal or I am sure that he would not have done it.

Post # 25
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I was actually okay with strip clubs until I went to one. I am NOT okay with them. (all my husband did at his bachelor party was drink and drink and drink). You need to talk to your fiancé and come to an understanding together.

Post # 27
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@honeybun: You should read Candy Girl by Diablo Cody (the woman who wrote Juno)  It’s a REALLY interesting look at stripclubs.  She takes a year off and becomes a stripper so she can write about it.  It’s hilarious, raunchy, and really interesting.

Post # 28
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

@hotchild – I have that book! Great read, it was really interesting seeing her perspective.

Post # 29
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My husband would be terribly uncomfortable with a strip club….I sort of laugh a little at imagining his discomfort, lol. I think a stripper would scare him =]. We were at a topless show in Vegas once and he was like, “ahhhh” the whole time. 

But seriously, I’m so apathetic about this, I don’t even care. I have a cousin who is a cocktail waitress in Vegas and she has lots of friends who’ve danced in the day…when I think of strip club i think of Vegas ones though. Some of the ones around here are kinda icky. But still, I have zero insecurities about myself or my relationship and if DH went to a strip club and ended up with a lap dance, I’d just say, “ew, you smell like stripper, go shower!” and probably make him some breakfast to nurse his hangover. I just don’t care, really.

I know if he got one and it was going too far, he’d stop it himself. So, to me, I’d know that it was just harmless fun because at some point, he would have stopped it and I trust his judgement and am ok with what he’s comfortable with. I am just apathetic in general about this.

Post # 30
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@MisHRB: I guess it just doesn’t mean anything to me.  It’s a complete disconnect from our love and our life, and just entertainment for guys in my opinion.

My Fiance is coming home to ME.  He’s not going to have sex with a stripper, bring her flowers, or laugh at cheesy horror movies with her.  He’s not going to give her cats medicine when they’re sick, open jars, or get that freakin’ thing from off the highest shelf ;o)

I say boys will be boys and this is just one of those things they do.

Post # 31
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@lilyfaith: When I read these arguments, I always think that book would change a lot of women’s views on that particular profession ;o)

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