(Closed) Strip Club

posted 11 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 32
Member
1700 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Can I just say ditto to EJS? Because those are my exact thoughts LOL. A girl I was friends with in high school is a stripper now, and I know she doesn’t “want” these guys. It’s just her job. Then she goes home to her regular life where she hangs out with her boyfriend and her cat. Fiance went to one last year for a friend’s bachelor party, and I ended up picking him and one of his friends up when they were ready to leave. And I’m pretty sure when he got in the car I made some remark like “Did you get tired of boobies in your face?” LOL

Post # 33
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

IMO..I don’t think it’s about being OK with a lapdance as much as it is being OK with where my Fiance and I stand in our relationship. If he wants to go with his boys to a strip club and has a lapdance while he is there…I am not going to jump up and down about it and accuse him of being unfaithful to his vows. He knows what the boundaries are in our relationship and what each of us is comfortable with the person doing/not doing. A lapdance is just that…a lapdance.

Yes there are strip clubs that allow the dancers to take it too far…but my Fiance would put a stop to that…I know that without a shadow of a doubt. It’s not even “priming the pump” for when he gets home b/c he doesn’t even view a lapdance as sexual…it’s just entertainment with his boys…they egg each other on but none of them cross the line or encourages him to cross the line b/c they respect me and our relationship as well.

Post # 34
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

ha, i’ve never heard of a lapdance as “priming the pump”!!!

Hmmm i bet DH wouldn’t mind if i came home from, say, shopping, and wanted to jump him, haha. I jest =]

@Hotchild, I’ve been wanting to read that book for awhile now (i love controversial and personal reads!) and it’s on my list officially while i recover from surgery =].

Post # 35
Member
1700 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think that may have been the book one of my friends was reading at one point. I’ll have to borrow it!

Post # 36
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@EJS: You’ll love it!  And if you haven’t read them yet, definitely get Chelsea Handler’s books.  I laughed out loud on the subway while reading them.

Good luck on your surgery :o)

Post # 37
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@ejs4y8…LOL..I got that phrase from one of my friends who hates strip clubs. She always says that she doesn’t need her husband coming home jumping her b/c some <insert anything derogatory here> primed his pump.

Post # 38
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m not into strip clubs or male strippers and Fiance isn’t into it either, however it is something that we have definitely discussed beforehand. I’m sure your Fiance is sorry and just didn’t know that it would bother you. Especially like you said he didn’t even know about the strip club until it was already happening. I would feel like you – I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it for a while – but don’t let it affect your relationship. It’s not a reflection of how he feels about you or his respect for you if he didn’t know you’d be uncomfortable with it. I think probably if a guy was getting readt to go to his bachelor party and his lady hadn’t mentioned a word about no strippers, he would probably assume that it was fine.

@hotchild – I so want to read that book. Also, i love chelsea!

Post # 39
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

@hotchild – um, I think we have the same taste! Haha, My Horizontal Life is one of my favorite reads as well. Love Chelsea. 

To the OP, I just wanted to put in that there are so many things that have happened in my relationship with R that are basically your situation: I figured something was assumed, because it was so obvious to me. It wasn’t obvious to him, so he unknowingly did said wrong thing, I felt hurt, he apologized, and didn’t do it again. That’s just basic communication, and really has nothing to do with the strip club or lap dance themselves. 

Post # 40
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m kind of torn about this issue (strip clubs in general). I’ve been to several strip clubs for work, and I have no problem with my boyfriend going (or getting a lap dance). 

BUT I had a number of friends who were strippers (I used to work at a punk venue), and almost all of them were taken horrible advantage of by the strip club owners. All of them ended up on drugs, partially to dull their work experience, but mostly because the owners would push them on the girls.  See, if the girls ended up hooked, then they would go into debt with the owners and the owners would basically have free strippers.  That’s leaving aside the fact that several of their coworkers were sexually assaulted by guys who figured “what the hell, she’s just a stripper.” 

The Diablo Cody experience is a really different one, because (if I recall correctly) she did it because she wanted to, not because she had to.  Most strippers call girls like her (including a girl I know who stripped for research for her Women’s Studies thesis- for real!) “tourists.”

So I don’t know.  It’s complicated.

 

Post # 42
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I understand how you feel. I am against strip clubs for those reasons. I have told my Fiance that he can go to a strip club if he SWEARS to me that there will be no lap dance. I understand about not being able to get it out of your head too. I wish I could help you more, but I’m just like you! 🙂 I guess, realize that these “girls” do this as a job. And he went, probably because the guys made him and probably got lap dances becuase the guys made him. Its hard for a man to say no when there is pressure like that. It means nothing, and never will. He will never see these girls again. It sucks and I know. But you aren’t the only girl this has happened too, and not the only one who feels that way.

Post # 44
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Mishrb12: I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It totally sucks. I think what’s important here is NOT the bees’ boundaries (you’ll get the whole range from walking into a club is cheating, all the way to anything but sex is fine), but YOUR boundaries.

He apparently thought that a bachelor party was an exception, and you didn’t. And that really, really sucks. And I’m sorry you have to deal with it. Even if he didn’t mean it that way, you feel betrayed. And I would, too.

I hope he makes serious amends. You deserve it. Sending you hugs!

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