(Closed) strip clubs and lie dilemma

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think that you guys should evaluate the relationship…..disagreeing on such a huge issue that was always a part of his life is tough and will not go away (unless he has a change of heart). If he thinks there is nothing wrong w/ going, he will more than likely continue to go, even if he tells you he isn’t. It will create major trust issues and walls between the two of you. You are not okay with strip clubs, so you shouldn’t have to try to be okay with them all of a sudden.

Post # 4
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just a thought… could you maybe go with him (just you and him) to a strip club together so that you can see what it’s like?  I went to a strip club for my 21st bday, and it was a blast.  Nothing crazy was going on, the girls were lovely and not overly attentive, there was no private room nonsense (or at least nothing that we were offered)… I even got a lap dance, and other than a face full of boob, it was nothing to get worked up about.  

Now, this doesn’t help the fact that he was contemplating lying about the “golf trip”, but if the strip clubs are a central part of what his guys do, then he’s feeling picked on for not being able to participate without picking fights with you.  

Post # 7
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@justagirl:  Ah.. yeah, in Tampa, we’ve got a no-touching policy at most, if not all, clubs. It keeps a lot of the creepy out.  Maybe you can put your foot down on “touching” clubs but give him a green light on “no-touch” clubs?  

Post # 8
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My EX husband was the SAME way (key word there: EX). It REALLY bothers me, like panic attack and crying–admittedly very bad. But my Fiance now compltely understands my feelings and respects them so doens’t even bother…but this is about my EX. I knew from the beginning he was like that, and even went one time with hmi when we were dating but could not handle it and had to leave. We eloped to Vegas prior to our wedding, so before our WEDDING, we were already married. He wanted a “bachelor party” something I am avidly against. We argued and argued (whcih SHOULD have been a BIG red flag) and finally we came to an agreement: I wouldn’t object to him going to his best friends bachelor parties if it included strip clubs, if HE didn’t have one of his own (since your own is always worse). I spent the night before the wedding with my mom and he called me drunk at 3am and i didn’t think much of it…

Then on the red eye flight to our honeymoon (mid-flight) he told me he had a bachelor party anyways and they went to the strip club. I had nowhere to go. I would’ve cancelled the wedding had I known…

I know this is one of those things where everyone has different feelings about and to each their own, whatever works for your relationship is great. But if you both fundamentally disagree, it’s a bad sign and you should definitely talk about it. It was wrong that you looked at his emails BUT it’s worse if he would lie to you about something that bothers you so much…

Post # 9
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Well the fact that he would LIE is already bad…  we are having a bachelor/bachelorett party for us just because he is really close with his sister and she is my Maid/Matron of Honor so it makes sense that we all have fun together.  but i kind of get worried that he will plan another party where he doesnt tell me about it and it involves strippers.  We both have discussed this and he knows i am NOT ok with the stripper thing.. he respects my wishes and i told me to not lie to me about it if for some reason he did do it because starting a marriage with a lie is just bad..

Post # 10
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I really think you need to talk about this issue before getting married.  I know that some people don’t mind the strip clubs/porn but if it bothers you, it’s enough to warrant a serious discussion.  And, I would also really think about if this is a dealbreaker.  I would suggest couple’s couseling to have someone who is impartial there to listen to both sides. 

Personally, I don’t mind it either one of it.  However, my bff’s husband has a bad habit of it.  She thought it would change when they got married and moved in together.  It did not change.  And, it has been a swore subject for them. 

Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@nellie_pie:  THIS.

I am also one of the girls who is against my Fiance going to the strippers. He doesn’t even like it (yes I believe him) he says they’re skanky and he’d rather be home and see me in lingerie lol But I do get very panicked about the thought of someone taking him for a stag. He has promised he won’t because he respects my feelings. Plus he wants to do other things for his stag 🙂

Post # 12
Member
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Strip Clubs are a BIG NO-NO with me in my relationships (past & present)

LIVE Porn is very very different than seeing it on films / Tv and here is why.

BUT I will say that has a lot to do with where I have lived / do live.

The Laws are very different from place to place… so one’s tolerance of such an activity might be different from State / Province / Country as well (so don’t assume that everyone who replies to this is going to be on the same page, or have the same experience)

In Canada we have very very liberal laws about this behaviour… more so than in may US States (where girls cannot get totally naked).

Full nudity is the norm here.  No pasties, panties… it is show the boys ALL that Mother Nature gave you. 

And in some places contact can take place… Men pay extra (a lot of money) to do what they wish with these women (legal prostitution although not called that) under the guise of being at a Strip Club.  The Province of Quebec, also has Private Sex Clubs… both for couples (aka Orgies) and for Men interacting with Women (aka pretty much Brothels)

I understand that men like to look at women, especially naked women.  But I personally, don’t want my guy in a place where much much more goes on.  Temptation is out there… granted, but I don’t need my guy hanging out on its doorstep… the younger the guy and the more alcohol involved, and buddies (male bravado and one-up-manship) the more I would say NO WAY !!

Part of the joys of being in a committed relationship is the idea of knowing you can have sex together without condoms and fears of disease… hanging out at places where you can touch, eat-out and fornicate make for bad bed-fellows (sorry for the series of bad puns… but I wanted to paint an accurate picture for ya).  I don’t want the risks in my house personally

On the otherhand, I am 100% ok with filmed porn… infact we’ve been known to enjoy that on our own and together.  IMO… a girl on film is a lot different than one flashing her bits in front of you a foot away (or less)

Anyways, thank god my man says these places are skanky, so I never have to worry about his going to them… like someone else said he’d much rather come home and see me naked… and get with me (rather than some girl who has been with 10 other guys this shift… his words).  The thought of that he says is truly gross, and can’t figure out WHY more guys don’t see this.

 

 

The topic ‘strip clubs and lie dilemma’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors