- 6 years ago
hi bees. this is my first post, and i’m coming here in a desperate search for advice. my fiance and his groomsmen have always liked going to strip clubs…its usually his friends who initiate, and he just goes along with them. i never dated a guy who went to these types of establishments before, so i didn’t know how to handle it or what went on. i tried really hard when we were first dating to be ok with it. i think that was one of my biggest mistakes. his friends go for their birthdays, someone is leaving town, someone got a new job, we are bored on a friday night – all the time! i finally told him that i did not like him going. that it made me feel like shit. i told him also, that i would not tell him that he could NOT go, but i wanted him to know that it hurt me when he did, and that i at least wanted to know when he goes because my concern was that he would find ways to go without telling me – ie. if i’m out of town for work, etc.
here is the part that is driving me crazy – he was out of town for work one week (over a month and a half ago, thats how long i’ve, and i went to check my email. he had left his email logged in…not completely abnormal, and usually, i just log right back out and into my own. but this night, i saw an email that piqued my curiousity…an email from his groomsmen about the “PRE-bachelor party”. then i was bad, and i went to read his reply…so yes, i did something wrong too. but here was his reply: “if we call it a guys golf trip, i will get less questions.”
he hasn’t yet asked to go on this trip, which makes me think it never got planned. and yes, i was very wrong for reading his emails. but its not like i hacked in and was trying to be psychotic about what he was doing. but i saw an email that i was curious about so i looked, and i wish i never did. what i am worried about now is that he had the INTENT of lying to me about going, and its driving me absolutely insane. how do i know in the future that he is not going and telling me he’s working late? girls are not born psychotic – its the lies and things guys do that make them this way. how do i squash it now without him being mad about the email so that when we are married i do not turn into some psychotic girl who is calling him every hour, asking where he is and who he’s with. trust is SO extremely important to me, and i feel like i dont know when i can trust him anymore. 🙁
please don’t judge me for not being ok with the strip clubs thing. it’s a personal issue, and i know some girls are fine with it. i am not one of them.