- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Someone on GOMI is very happy that this thread has come up again.
Someone on GOMI is very happy that this thread has come up again.
I am amazed sometimes at the amount of judgement being passed around on these types of threads. Clearly the OP just wanted to start some s**t and everyone took the bait. Seriously, there wasn’t even a question in the post!
@bklynbridetobe: It’s a site that snarks on stuff on the interwebs including wedding sites. That’s the shortest explanation. It can be pretty funny, but sometimes it seems like a member or two may get bored with just looking for something snark-worthy and may decide to start something to see what happens.
Or so I’ve heard.
While the delivery of the OP’s post was less than ideal, I absolutely agree that it’s unacceptable behaviour for a man in a relationship to engage in but that is MY OPINION. While I find it to be utterly disrespectful, it may not be to another woman and that is perfectly fine. Who am I to judge?
My SO has been pressured numerous times to attend functions at these establishments. In all occasions, he has been accused of being whipped and this is pretty frustrating. While out with one of these guys, he actually decided to bring it up and confront me about why I wasn’t allowing my SO to join him. Unbeknownst to him, my SO and I have an agreement that neither one of us will visit one of these establishments! Needless to say, my SO spoke up and explained the situation to his friend…. who of course thought that this was a pathetic answer. I/we don’t care what anyone thinks, it works for us.
The worst was when his brother decided to celebrate his birthday with a visit to the rippers and essentially guilt-tripped my SO about the fact that he wouldn’t go. I didn’t get off easy either, ended up being teased about “not letting him go” and in this case, I just took it. If that’s what helps you sleep at night!
Me thinks it’s time OP get off her high horse.
I was irate at my fiance going to a strip club for his bachelor party and he knew this. And I didn’t hold back when I was upset about it, I let him know and let him know it was not OK and would not ever be ok and the next time, I don’t care if it’s his brothers bachelor party, I wont be so “cool” about it.
Women being accepting of strip clubs and porn and men checking out other women are validating the disrespectful behavior and it saddens me because one day my daughter will be getting married and likely it will just be a norm for her generation that men go get lap dances and watch porn on a regular Friday night. Women giving them an excuse “It’s nature to them, it’s primal instincts” makes the men think they are getting away with it. Not in my home he’s not.
@AClue: This was always a deal breaker for me. Every person I’ve dated, I have mentioned this and I ask them early on in the relationship if they are into that or not. If they are, there is no future and we can either be just friends and move on or just plainly move on without each other. I don’t think the “just looking” is okay when these women are completely naked. This is a form of cheating for me. Everyone’s different and there are cetain people that consider things to be cheating and things to not be cheating on their book. To me, going to strip clubs is cheating. And I’ve told this to anyone that I know if this topic has been brought up, if my significant other is going to strip clubs, either I will go hook up with someone else and break the relationship off. Or just break it off right then and there. Not tolerating that crap.
@KC-2722: OK I’m beyond confident and beyond self respecting. I value myself and how I am treated very highly. I am an caring intelligent beautiful worthy woman and treat myself as such.
But I have a HUGE issue with strip clubs out of respect.
You tell your husband not to cheat on you right? You tell him you will not stick around if he does drugs? If he hits you? Provided it may be extreme circumstance, What is the difference between a woman saying she is not OK with these things and a woman who says she is not OK with strip clubs? They are personal choices based on ones self respect and character. I respect myself and in that I expect to be respected and not be with a man who ignores my feelings toward strip clubs.
I respect myself enough to not be OK with my husband looking at nude women when he’s got a woman at home more than willing. It’s not about controlling either, it’s about knowing what you deem acceptable and knowing what you don’t and sticking to that. My husband is more than able to go out drinking with his friends, more than able to play music and have fun, more than able to do virtually anything he wants to do. But I will not, do not, can not condone behavior I find to be cheating worthy.
My character says that I am NOT OK with, the man I make a life long commitment to, my husband going and putting himself in front of nude women or watching others have sex. Sex imo is something to be cherished and respected and between two people, and not fantasy people. And if I were to feel differently I would have found someone who also felt differently.
Disagreeing with porn or strippers within a relationship does not always have something to do with being “insecure” or “no self respect” or aything of the sort. It’s a demand to be respected in every aspect of a relationship.
ETA: I’m not saying a person who agrees with strip clubs and porn has a deminished character, I am saying that it is a part of our character. It may not be yours but I’d suggest no one assume they know the insecurities of other women because you would be shocked to see just how wrong you may be.
@roweboat: And you can’t compare a woman who disagrees with strip clubs and insecure controlling women. Big difference there.
We all have our standards when finding a man we will marry, it’s the way life is, it’s the way we protect ourselves from spending the next 30 years miserable.
@kris325: Eh, most of the women I’ve known that are so hardcore against strip clubs, also get mad if their significant other looks at another woman, thinks other women are attractive, etc. Pretty insecure & controlling if you ask me. I guess it wouldn’t matter if you and your husband both have the same exact views on strip clubs, but most of the time that’s not really the case.
@AClue: I agree that the bachelor party tradition of strippers is a pretty big f-you to the bride and it saddens and confuses me to see so many of these dumb parties causing real hurt and destructionin people’s otherwise happy relationships.
I’m not cool with strippers or strip clubs. I don’t “allow” or “disallow” my husband to go to them. He’s a big boy and can make his own choices but if strip clubs were a regular part of his life, I wouldn’t be – its just that simple.
If there are women who genuinely don’t care about strippers or strip clubs, good for them but I do hate the “I’m cool, secure and trusting you’re not” vibe some throw off. I hate that women actually feel pressured to be okay with strippers and its even worse when that pressure is coming from other women.
My feelings about strippers have nothing to do with my coolness, security or trust in my spouse. It has a lot to do with respect, though.
@roweboat: I guess it depends on the circle you are around. The women I know who are not OK with strip clubs are all well established confident women that have expectations they expect to be met. It’s not that big of a request, especially if you are committing to a life long relationship with the person.
And I suppose I am one of the women who does not appreciate my husband looking at other women. Now I know men may look when their spouse is not around, and that’s just the way life is, especially considering many women nowadays wear underwear and pass it off as clothing, but I expect to be the only woman my husband is looking at when we are out. If he talks to a woman or looks at her in passing or anything like that no big deal at all, normal as heck. But if I catch him checking out another woman he will hear about it. I find that VERY disrespectful. I caught my husband ONE time in the very beginning of our relationship and that was the only time. He went so far as to check them out using the window behind me since they walked behind him. I called him out on it quick. I didn’t throw a fit and actually laughed at the length he went to check them out. I did not get mad because we had not had that discussion, but after that time I told him I found it highly disrespectful and would not want to be around that, and he has not done it since. They can stop doing all of this, they just want you to think they can’t. And he stopped long before the I love yous were said or anything, he didn’t stop because he loved me, he stopped because he respected me.
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