- 5 years ago
I have never written in a forum before or done anything like this, but this is a subject I need an objective POV opinion for.
Yesterday my fiance and I had an argument about his bachelor party. I asked how it was coming/who was planning, he automatically said, “don’t worry, it’s not Vegas – I told them I don’t want to do anything cliche like that.” Then I asked, “Well what about strip clubs?” He said “I’m sure there won’t be any.” I asked if he told them that and he said no.
I wish I was the type of woman who is cool with strip clubs and all that, but I’m just not. No disrespect to strippers, but naked dancing/lap dances (especially lap dances) are intimate and sexual, and I think that should be reserved between him and me only. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable to even think about another woman giving him a lap dance (I burst into tears, actually) and it ticks me off that as women with future husbands, we are supposed to have the trust of our future marriage judged by how comfortable we are with another naked woman grinding on her man. I trust my fiance, I don’t think he would do anything sordid with a stripper or any other girl, but I know that if they go to a strip club, he as the bachelor has no chance of walking out of there without his buddies making him have a lap dance. Let’s get real here. And frankly, I think it’s a pretty disrespectful way to celebrate upcoming nuptials to go watch other naked women dance and have them grind on you.
While his friends may honor his wishes of not going to Vegas, I still think that they will involve strippers in some form or fashion if he doesn’t set those boundaries with them beforehand. If it is the middle of the night and they are all drunk and they push him to the strip club, he’s not going to be like, “No guys, sorry, my fiance doesn’t want me to go.” His buddies (who aren’t my favorite when it comes to partying) can be peer-pressure types, and I know especially when he is drunk it is going to be difficult for him to stand any sort of ground on this. I don’t fault him for this, I just know my fiance and can easily see this sort of thing happening.
My fiance doesn’t feel comfortable setting those boundaries with his buddies because he’s been around them when other guys have said no to strip clubs and heard from the others “how p***y-whipped” he is and how “that marriage is f-ed.” He doesn’t want his friends to think I’m a control freak, but he does respect how I feel about it. I repeat – he does respect how I feel about it and isn’t fighting to go – he’s just put in a difficult place where he wants to respect my feelings but also save face in front of his friends.
At this point, he is just talking about calling the whole thing off, saying that work will get in the way. I DO NOT WANT THIS! I want him to have a bachelor party, I want him to have fun and get drunk and do stupid things that they will talk about in the future, I want him to make good memories that night – I just don’t want strippers involved! Am I so crazy for wanting that? Is it really that difficult to pull off?
I keep telling him that he has the control in the situation – it IS his bachelor party, after all – but how does he manage both my feelings and his friend’s expectations and plans for the night?
Any advice is appreciated in advance, thanks!