Post # 1
I just had to take back the Maid/Matron of Honor title from my older sister, who has always been my very best friend, but not without bumps in the road, because we fell out REALLY hard. Some awful things were said, feelings hurt. I’m afraid I’ve lost my sister and best friend over something sort of silly. I’ve never thought wedding “roles” were such a big deal, certainly not the end of the world. But after reading some forum answers about “firing” BMs or MOHs I’m getting more worried.
My sister has hated my fiance since before I even began seeing him. She has constantly been hinting at me that he sucks and I should leave him and stay single forever, that I don’t have a clue what “real love” is, and that discussion got very heated… to the point where she was flat out yelling at me that she hates him, and can’t imagine being at my wedding and meeting his mom without telling her how awful, unmotivated, insincere and slutty her son is. All of this resentment is rooted in a few nights YEARS ago, when she saw him at a local bar (before I knew him and while he was single). He would flirt and do what normal single people do when looking to meet people. She could never bring herself to see him as anything other than slutty and creepy since then (she typically sees flirting and really any public affection as disgusting), even though that was almost 5 years ago now. She is convinced he is a liar, creepy, and a complete failure but hasn’t given him the chance to change her mind.
So I told her I love her, but I won’t force her to pretend to support me when she feel so strongly against this marriage, and that I will (unfortunately) proceed without her if she finds it impossible to be happy for me. She has in turn given up her spot as my Maid/Matron of Honor.
My heart is extremely broken. I feel like I lost my sister. Is there any way to rectify this? Or is it over? </3
Post # 2
Honestly? Maybe. But if you have lost her, you didn’t lose her over the Maid/Matron of Honor thing. You lost her because she refused to accept and support your relationship, and because she won’t stop denigrating your chosen life partner for reasons that you have made clear do not justify the behavior in your mind. You lost her because she pushed you away. This isn’t your fault.
Post # 3
My first reaction was yes your relationship with her is history but after reading the back story she should never have accepted the role which is one that is taken on in support of the marriage, given her feelings. I think it’s really strange that she clings to a first impression of your fiance and has no ability to move on from that allowing for the natural progression of personal growth and change in circumstance that happens to us all. She might need to talk to a professional. Best of luck.
Post # 5
So, here’s the thing. Yes, I do believe your relationship could be permanently strained because of this Maid/Matron of Honor situation. Without knowing any backstory, I can understand your sister needs to get past the issue with flirting frim 5 ywars ago but why does she continue to believe that your fiance is unmotivated and insincere? I’m a sister and I tend to keep my mouth shut about who my sister dates, but if she was set to marry somebody insincere and unmotivated, I would express concern too. If those two attributes of being insincere and unmotivated are true, then your sister may have been a shitty Maid/Matron of Honor by telling you but she was being a good sister (although her delivery sucked). I guess I need more details…but yea, I would say your relationship is strained now for sure.
Post # 6
You’re better off without her in your wedding party, who knows what kind of drama she would start on the day. If she feels she can’t control herself in your future-in- laws company then she shouldn’t really attend your wedding at all.
She might be your sister but she is definitely not your best friend or a friend of any kind really. This hatred of your finace and her telling you to stay single forever sounds more she just wants to control you. I would look at just being civil and keeping her at a distance from now on.
Post # 7
This is a difficult situation and very sad. I would love to know the whole story between these two ladies, and both sides. Without all that information it’s hard to comment on this.
But this much I do know: My dad had two sisters who at one point got made at each other and stopped all communication. When the one was dying, she asked to see her sister. The sister flatly refused to come and see her, and she died without the relationship between her and her sister ever being repaired. That is majorly sad to me.
I certainly agree with mrsceebee, keep your distance if you have to, but keep things civil.
Post # 8
Is there something more to this story? It seems very extreme to think this because she saw him flirting at a bar once 5 years ago.
Post # 9
Are you positive that “flirting at a bar 5 years ago” is the whole reason she hates him? That doesn’t make sense. Where does the “liar” part come in, if you didn’t even know him at that time? Has he lied since then, or did he say to you “no, I never flirted at a bar 5 years ago”? Where do the insincere and unmotivated comments come from? Those are unrelated to flirting at bars.
How long have you been dating this guy, and what did your sister say when you first asked her to be your maid of honor?
Post # 10
from what you’ve told us, your sister is being really unfair and I think it’s good she has stepped down.
That said, there are two sides to every story and I agree with Pp that it sounds really extreme for her to dislike your Fiance so passionately based on his behavior one night 5 years ago before you were even dating. Are you sure there’s not more to this?
Post # 11
My thoughts exactly. Sister seems desperate to stop this marriage from happening.
Post # 12
I’m not sure why your sister accepted the invite to be Maid/Matron of Honor in the first place – did she hope she could convince you to swap the groom for someone else?!! It seems really bizarre behaviour to accept a role in a wedding when you hate the groom so much. But then her whole behaviour is pretty bizarre as you’ve described it.
This kind of behaviour is not normal. Either there is something seriously wrong with your fiance that she is not telling you, or there is something seriously wrong with her. Either way, it’s not your fault this has happened. Based on what she has told you, there is no reason for you not to marry your fiance. And you could not have someone who has spoken about your fiance as she has done continue as a member of your wedding party.
Post # 13
This makes no sense unless there’s more to the story she’s not telling you, she’s extremely religious or this has a cultural element. Did something happen between them? Did he by any chance come on to her or worse?
You did the right thing of course. Whether the relationship is permanently affected depends on her.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
Anyone who thinks that your future husband is “unmotivated, insincere and slutty and creepy” should not be on the altar with you at the marriage.
Post # 15
First. it sounds like your sister dismissed herself from the role, not like you stripped her of the title. But either way, she shouldn’t be standing beside you if she doesn’t support the marriage. Realistically, it sounds like your marriage is what will destroy the relationship, not this blow-up over roles. Your sister is either being extremely irrational or there is something going on that you don’t know. She has to have a better reason than that he flirted once in a bar several years ago…