Stripped my Sister of her MOH Status. Is our friendship history?

posted 2 weeks ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Honestly? Maybe. But if you have lost her, you didn’t lose her over the Maid/Matron of Honor thing. You lost her because she refused to accept and support your relationship, and because she won’t stop denigrating your chosen life partner for reasons that you have made clear do not justify the behavior in your mind. You lost her because she pushed you away. This isn’t your fault.

Post # 3
Member
381 posts
Helper bee

My first reaction was yes your relationship with her is history but after reading the back story she should never have accepted the role which is one that is taken on in support of the marriage, given her feelings. I think it’s really strange that she clings to a first impression of your fiance and has no ability to move on from that allowing for the natural progression of personal growth and change in circumstance that happens to us all. She might need to talk to a professional. Best of luck.

Post # 4
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

She sounds exhausting.

Post # 5
Member
2991 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
@infinikki:  So, here’s the thing. Yes, I do believe your relationship could be permanently strained because of this Maid/Matron of Honor situation. Without knowing any backstory, I can understand your sister needs to get past the issue with flirting frim 5 ywars ago but why does she continue to believe that your fiance is unmotivated and insincere? I’m a sister and I tend to keep my mouth shut about who my sister dates, but if she was set to marry somebody insincere and unmotivated, I would express concern too. If those two attributes of being insincere and unmotivated are true, then your sister may have been a shitty Maid/Matron of Honor by telling you but she was being a good sister (although her delivery sucked). I guess I need more details…but yea, I would say your relationship is strained now for sure.

Post # 6
Member
776 posts
Busy bee

You’re better off without her in your wedding party, who knows what kind of drama she would start on the day. If she feels she can’t control herself in your future-in- laws company then she shouldn’t really attend your wedding at all. 

She might be your sister but she is definitely not your best friend or a friend of any kind really. This hatred of your finace and her telling you to stay single forever sounds more she just wants to control you. I would  look at just being civil and keeping her at a distance from now on.  

 

Post # 7
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 1996

This is a difficult situation and very sad.  I would love to know the whole story between these two ladies, and both sides.  Without all that information it’s hard to comment on this.

But this much I do know:  My dad had two sisters who at one point got made at each other and stopped all communication.  When the one was dying, she asked to see her sister.  The sister flatly refused to come and see her, and she died without the relationship between her and her sister ever being repaired.  That is majorly sad to me.

I certainly agree with mrsceebee, keep your distance if you have to, but keep things civil.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
398 posts
Helper bee

Is there something more to this story? It seems very extreme to think this because she saw him flirting at a bar once 5 years ago.

Post # 9
Member
9238 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@infinikki:  Are you positive that “flirting at a bar 5 years ago” is the whole reason she hates him? That doesn’t make sense. Where does the “liar” part come in, if you didn’t even know him at that time? Has he lied since then, or did he say to you “no, I never flirted at a bar 5 years ago”? Where do the insincere and unmotivated comments come from? Those are unrelated to flirting at bars. 

How long have you been dating this guy, and what did your sister say when you first asked her to be your maid of honor? 

Post # 10
Member
3018 posts
Sugar bee

from what you’ve told us, your sister is being really unfair and I think it’s good she has stepped down. 

That said, there are two sides to every story and I agree with Pp that it sounds really extreme for her to dislike your Fiance so passionately based on his behavior one night 5 years ago before you were even dating. Are you sure there’s not more to this? 

Post # 11
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@elisabetn:  My thoughts exactly. Sister seems desperate to stop this marriage from happening. 

Post # 12
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee

I’m not sure why your sister accepted the invite to be Maid/Matron of Honor in the first place – did she hope she could convince you to swap the groom for someone else?!!  It seems really bizarre behaviour to accept a role in a wedding when you hate the groom so much.  But then her whole behaviour is pretty bizarre as you’ve described it.

This kind of behaviour is not normal.  Either there is something seriously wrong with your fiance that she is not telling you, or there is something seriously wrong with her.  Either way, it’s not your fault this has happened.  Based on what she has told you, there is no reason for you not to marry your fiance.  And you could not have someone who has spoken about your fiance as she has done continue as a member of your wedding party.

 

Post # 13
Member
13931 posts
Honey Beekeeper

This makes no sense unless there’s more to the story she’s not telling you, she’s extremely religious or this has a cultural element. Did something happen between them? Did he by any chance come on to her or worse? 

You did the right thing of course. Whether the relationship is permanently affected depends on her. 

Post # 14
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

Anyone who thinks that your future husband is “unmotivated, insincere and slutty and creepy” should not be on the altar with you at the marriage. 

Post # 15
Member
7884 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

First. it sounds like your sister dismissed herself from the role, not like you stripped her of the title. But either way, she shouldn’t be standing beside you if she doesn’t support the marriage. Realistically, it sounds like your marriage is what will destroy the relationship, not this blow-up over roles. Your sister is either being extremely irrational or there is something going on that you don’t know. She has to have a better reason than that he flirted once in a bar several years ago…

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