- 2 weeks ago
- Wedding: February 2022
Ah, so this changes everything. Your sister’s uncontrolled disorders are the issue, and they ultimately would have probably destroyed your relationship with her over something else if it had not been this.
If you had asked, “Should my sister, who is a compulsive liar and has untreated psychological disorders, be my maid of honor?” the answer would have been a resounding NO. It would probably be best for you to distance yourself from her until she gets the treatment she so desperately needs.
Completely agree with posts that have been made following your update, an update which was very informative, as well as sad.
I’m sad but not surprised to read your update – my first thought reading your original post was that such extreme reactions sounded like someone with an untreated mental health issue. I know it is really painful to be distanced from someone you love, but it sounds like the best possible thing for you and your fiance. You have not ended the friendship with your sister – her behaviour is what has ended it. If she accepts the right treatment and help then you may be able to rebuild the friendship at some point in the future, but please don’t blame yourself for where it is right now. It’s not your fault.
It sounds like the mental disorder your sister has is lying assholitis.
Seriously, this is a character issue, not an illness. I’d cut contact completely.
A lot of what I was going to say was covered very well, but a couple of other things:
1) If someone hates your choice of SO or spouse, they need to have a rational discussion with you and spell out exactly why they hate the person you chose. If they can’t elaborate on what they consider the problem with that person to be, you can’t possibly take any action. Exactly the same thing is true about a SO or spouse hating a friend or family member of yours. I think, in this case, that your sister just didn’t want you to be with anyone, hence her wanting you to stay single forever, and was going to hate anyone you chose to be with.
2) Ultimately, they don’t have to like your SO or spouse. They don’t even have to spend any time with them and it’s perfectly fine (and often smart) for you to see them separately. But you can’t disrespect anyone without a good reason to do so. Such good reason would be an objective, factual reason (such as drug use). If the reason is subjective (such as not having a bachelor’s degree), they’re entitled to their opinion but they have to accept you choosing them and try to understand why, from your perspective, you chose them. If you have a healthy relationship and you are happy, that’s what should matter to your friends and family members.
If an intended bridesmaid treated my husband like that before our wedding, he’d have rightfully protested her being asked to be a part of it in the first place.
I’d hope you could have some semblance of a relationship with her eventually but since it seems her MO is to twist the truth (at the very least) to be self-supporting, I’d assume her perception of what just happened between the two of you is unfortunately quite different. Someone who so blatantly disrespects your fiancé and your relationship with him has no business being in your wedding… and barring a major shift, may not deserve to be an active part of your lives.
It sounds like you shouldn’t have invited her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor in the first place and it’s good that this blow up happened before your wedding and not AT your wedding.
It sounds like there is more to the story… ? I find it gard to believe your sister would have such strong reservations based solely on what she saw many years ago at a bar, but I don’t know. Is there more to it?
As far as having a relationship with your sister, you should do whatever you can do to make peace. BUT At the end of the day you should chose your future spouse over her. She doesn’t like the person you love? Well that’s a shame and I don’t see how you two could remain close when she doesn’t support the two of you together. It’s really none of her business. Drop her. And don’t let her ruin your wedding lol.
Good luck and I’m sorry you’re going through this. Maybe she’ll warm up over time.
Thank you everyone for your reassuring comments. It saddens me so much to think that my sister could be so toxic to me and my future that I would need to drop communications with her, but to be frank I can’t say I never expected this being the outcome. It has always been turbulent between us, and somehow always we have come around but this issue seems much more personal and malicious somehow. It has taken a lot of thought to realize that she may be inherently negative in my life until she finds it in herself to seek much needed help. It is amazing to me the impact the opinions of strangers can have on one’s method of thinking, but all of you have been extremely helpful to me in sorting this out on my end. Thank you. ❤