Post # 17
@anemonie: You have misread me.
Looks like you and I are on the same page. I don’t think it matters WHERE they are (and honestly here, we are not talking about Strippers… despite what they call themselves… Escorts, Hookers, Sex Workers etc)
What I am saying is that they are too many women who naively think that when a guy goes to a Strip Club or sees Strippers it is ONLY about a girl dancing around topless or naked (because THIS is what men tell them happens in these clubs)
This is the part of the story that we see time and time again on WBee… I am out to educate women that “the story” they’ve been told is not actually THE TRUTH
And I don’t think the issue is clear cut on whether you trust your guy or not…
As I said, there are plenty of cases where stuff happens due to circumstance / temptation.
So ya, I think women have to have a position on whether they are ok knowing their guy is around this type of thing or not (peer pressure – alcohol – sexual advances – sexual opportunity etc)
There are certainly men who have figured this all out, and have decided that Strippers / Strip Clubs are not for them… that is by far the guy I’d much rather be dating IMO
Post # 18
@This Time Round: I think you are forgetting the point that strippers strip- prostitutes have sex! There is a big difference between a stripper/exotic dancer and a prostitute. Some prostitutes also strip but strippers don’t have sex.
You say THINGS CAN AND DO HAPPEN to good guys all the time. Well that is BS. If he goes against what is appropriate within his relationship then he isn’t a good guy period.
If you guy is going to cheat he is going to cheat and you have bigger problems than strippers/prostitutes. Alcohol only lowers your inhabitions it doesn’t create them. Temptation is not an excuse for cheating- saying no to temptation (whatever the individual couple deems that to be) is what should be what anyone in a committed relationship should do. If they don’t then the problem lies with the partner and not with the temptation.
There are different laws in different states and countries and different authroities enforce those laws stronger and weaker. If you have a personal problem with laws not being enforced in your area take that up with your local government rather than scare mongering about the evils of strips clubs. No two strip clubs are the same!
Post # 19
@RahlyRah: I think it’s great that you know what you’re comfortable with. The important thing is that both you and your Darling Husband have a dialogue about what is ok and what is not and to set your own boundaries within your relationship. I do have to say that if a naked girl randomly jumped into bed with my Fiance and tried to have sex with him, I 100% believe he would kick her out.
@This Time Round: Looks like you and I are on the same page. I don’t think it matters WHERE they are (and honestly here, we are not talking about Strippers… despite what they call themselves… Escorts, Hookers, Sex Workers etc). What I am saying is that they are too many women who naively think that when a guy goes to a Strip Club or sees Strippers it is ONLY about a girl dancing around topless or naked (because THIS is what men tell them happens in these clubs)”
Yes, I do agree with you on this. I think it’s important for couples to be open and honest with each other and for each person to explain what they are and are not comfortable with, and obviously strippers come with a certain degree of…illicitness? If strippers make OP uncomfortable, she should talk to her Fiance about it, and he should listen and try to understand why.
@j_jaye: It’s problematic when blame shifts from the person doing the cheating to the prostitute he cheated with. Trying to justify cheating by saying it’s common, there was temptation, etc. is taking the heat off of the guy making the decision to cheat on you, so I’m right there with you.
Post # 20
@j_jaye: Thanks for blaming me… for something you quite obviously know little about (and it truly has NOTHING to do with the laws in my country / state / province… all the things I mentioned previously… are 100% LEGAL. Your trying to wrangle them into the conversation, is just another smoke screen you wish to hide behind in this topic)
I personally, have NO ISSUE with the Sex Trade for the record… which is what you’ve tried to twist my words to say
WHAT I HAVE REPEATEDLY SAID IN THIS TOPIC… is a whole lot of women do not understand how the sex trade works.
There are certainly Strippers (or more rightfully called Exotic Dancers) WHO ONLY Strip and Dance Naked (so yes NOT ALL STRIPPERS are Prostitutes)
BUT they are not the ONLY women who work in this field… or inhabit the Clubs… to think that is the case is well beyond naive.
True enough some men cheat… not all men. But then there are also guys who “might cheat” given the right combo… and fueled with alcohol, peer pressure, and availability THAT COULD HAPPEN. These are the guys I actually feel sorry for (and their GFs)
Because they may not be aware of all the pitfalls of their men being in this environment…
Say what you will… TEMPTATION is a big factor in whether a man cheats or not… that is also well documented by studies etc.
Post # 21
@This Time Round: I agree with you up until you started talking about cheating. There are some people who “might murder” someone in all the right conditions…but is the jury gonna say, “Well, he had it coming. The way he was acting really created a temptation for that guy to commit murder, so we won’t blame the killer because he couldn’t help it or make a rational decision.”?
This is 2012, not 1952. Saying a guy “can’t help” but cheat because of temptation is a vestige from days when men’s affairs were excused even while women were expected to be innocent. If a guy cheats on you, it’s his fault for making that decision.
Temptation is a factor for anyone cheating, obviously, and strip clubs create a high-temptation environment, but excusing that behavior because they can’t “help it” only perpetuates their ability to continue using that excuse. Do some guys routinely receive sexual acts in return for money in strip clubs? Yes, they absolutely do. Are they all responsible for their own choice to do so? Yes.
Post # 22
I don’t want strippers at either party for us. And It’s not that I don’t trust my SO, or strippers.
Strippers are strippers, and strippers are also PEOPLE working to make money just like the rest of us. There are good strippers and bad strippers. What they do for a living does not change that.
I just don’t like the attitudes other people have with strippers. And don’t want either myself or SO around that.
Post # 23
I don’t stress about strippers or strip clubs. I have a couple of friends who do strip and a friend that owns a strip club. They aren’t all hookers and they don’t all have “Champagne Rooms” and not all men cheat.
I’ve been to more strip clubs than my SO, he’s not interested. But I don’t EVER worry about his conduct.
Elizabeth Hurley, Charlize Theron, Megan Fox could open their legs in his face and I would never flinch. So to worry about strippers, is unthinkable to me.
Though, if you’re already not thrilled with the idea of a club, I can see why a house full of beds would make it worse.
Post # 24
@This Time Round: They are 100% legal where you live- I said different places have different laws so it is naive to assume that just because something is the way it is where you live it is that way everywhere else. Also please don’t assume to know me or my background. I spent a few years researching the sex industry in the country that I live in so please refrain from spreading lies about what may happen in a strip club somewhere in the world as being what happens in all strip clubs everywhere. That is like saying all white Americans are racists because of the history and continued racism against african americans in certain regions of the country!
I can’t believe that a woman living in this age can still use the men can’t help it excuse to excuse cheating. Of course temptation is a big factor in cheating- no one is arguing that. Women cheat just as much as men nowadays (research has shown). Does that mean that us women should stop wearing short skirts or low cut tops because we are being tempting and could cause men to cheat?
Post # 25
I also have the same opinion! Fiance had his party this past weekend, and i said to him – “You can go the strippers, but they CANNOT come to you!” I also told his Bridesmaid or Best Man. He respected my wishes and they went to them.
I just think having them come to someone’s home really opens a big bag of worms and puts everyone in a situation they’d rather not be in.
Post # 26
Thank you ladies for all your comments…sorry caused such a debate. I am trying to figure out what to do I feel really disappointed in Fiance and his Bridesmaid or Best Man. I couldnt focus on work today at all I dont know if I should let it go or make an argument I havent spoken to him since he told me. I am the type to say something out of anger I dont really mean. I am hoping for the best I am pissed and sad all at the same time.