(Closed) Strippers at my Man’s Bachelor Party…

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Like many before me have said, this is a touchy subject, but here are my two cents.

Firstly: It is ok to feel upset – let that out. You may need to think about the subject for awhile rather than just shoving it to the back of your mind. Sometimes it is better to confront these things head on. A get worse before it gets better type thing. Be by yourself and feel however it is that you are feeling, it’s ok.

Secondly: You need to let your Fiance know that he did nothing wrong. It wasn’t discussed before hand and you seemed to imply that before, you didn’t have a problem with strippers. So you need to tell him that he did nothing wrong, but that it is harder for you to hear about and deal with than you had anticipated. Just let him know that you need time to dwell and them move on. 

Thirdly: Decide if you want all the details, or to leave it at what you know. I myself would need to know everything as wondering is worse (for me), but that is a different choice for everyone. 

Fourthly: It will be fine, in 5 years, 2 years or even a few months this will be a distant memory and not hurt so much at all. When the two of you are 70 years old and sitting together at dinner, will some lap dance before your wedding even rate?

I am more a practical thinker once I have the time to process things, you might be too. A girl who is payed entertainment danced close to your Fiance. A combination of drinks, boys-night-out vibe, music and illusion made him feel attractive (after all, the idea of lap dances etc is to make the men feel wanted). And it’s ok to like feeling attractive, we all like to think heads turn when we walk into a room.

I personally prescribe to the following motto/whatever: It doesn’t matter where you get the appitite, as long as you eat at home. 

He came home to YOU, he loves YOU, he is marrying YOU and he is upset that he hurt you. 

You will pull through this and all will be well. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 18
9 posts

I second @roxy821.  I’m not sure if you’re from a small(ish) town or not, but they definitely do not get the hot ladies.  I was talking to my boyfriend about when he and his buddies went to their local strip club in high school (after they all turned 18) and apparently the ‘hottest’ stripper there was, um, missing an arm.  So, it most likely was NOT the babe you’re picturing.

Post # 21
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

EDIT: Didn’t mean to repeat what’s already been said about many strippers. Apparently a lot of guys agree that they generally just aren’t that attractive!

First, I’m so sorry this happened Frown

There are many different opinions about bachelor parties and strippers on the boards, but one common theme I’ve noticed is a lot of girls think they’ll be okay with it, and then after it happens they find themselves really upset. I think that’s totally understandable.

In case this helps, I’ll share with you what my Fiance told me about strip clubs. Now he’s only been to two – once underage in college, where he prompty got kicked out, and once for a friend’s bachelor party before we were ever together. But he told me that the strippers weren’t even attractive. They were either older, or chubby, or just very rough looking in general. He said it was more “funny” than anything (which I find offensive too, but less upsetting). So your image of a “skinny hot naked girl” might not be very accurate.

Hope that helps a little bit. If nothing else, at least he’s honest with you. As upset as I’d be (and trust me, I’d be VERY upset), this man loves you and wants to marry you. Just try to focus on that.

Sending some hugs your way!

Post # 23
3441 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Awww.. How sweet! So happy that you have a great guy.

Post # 24
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

A BIT better?!? Haha. I know it still sucks that it happened at all, but girl… that is a beautiful note from him, and I think I can safely say you have nothing to be upset over. It sounds like he’s just as much, if not more, upset over it than you are.

Post # 27
4211 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Charbirdie: Aw ๐Ÿ™‚ See he did not mean to hurt you!! I think you will be over this before you know it. Focus on the fact you are marrying the love of your life who obviously cares for you so much!

Post # 28
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Charbirdie: Awww! What a sweet and heartfelt letter. It sounds like he understands your feelings about the situation and is truly sorry for what happened. You should definitely feel a lot better in knowing you have such a caring guy ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 29
7103 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011


Aww bless him, see he didn’t mean to hurt you, it was just one of those things. As the other Bees say, you’ll be over this upset in no time and may even laugh at it in the future. He thinks you’re gorgeous and you ARE!

Post # 30
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

He got down on one knee and asked YOU to spend the rest of your life with him, not this stripper chick.  And for a good reason, I’m sure!

Post # 31
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

i have to admit, when i read your original post, i thought it was a cheap excuse that he had “if i had known it would upset you, i wouldn’t have done it”…to me that sounded like he just didn’t think at all. because if someone thinks for one second “how would my fiancee feel about this?”….i think the answer should be clear!!!!!  BUT, after reading that note he sent you, i am with the other bees that he can be forgiven and you are lucky to have him…no one is perfect after all. I myself have done things i regret that may have hurt my Fiance….but i KNOW how strongly i love him and only want to be with him. so i can understand that imperfection does happen and it means nothing about the quality of your love and relationship.


ps.  on a side note, as other people have acknowledged here that there are some people who say they are okay with strippers. i believe them that they are okay….BUT i always want to ask them: If you had a CHOICE, where it was only up to you and no one else would be affected…would PREFER your Fiance goes to a strip or PREFER he does not go?  i mean even if someone says they are “okay” with strip clubs, i still find it to believe they don’t have a preference. and i think that should also be respected.

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