(Closed) Strippers, bachelor parties, and trust issues- discussion

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I honestly just don’t see the point of Bachelor/ette parties in general. I mean even the term doesnt make any sense. . because in all reality most grooms and brides have been dating/engaged for at least 6 months and therefore not a bachelor/ette at all (sorry, i know thats kind of irrelevant but jsut had to throw that out there)

As for strippers/strip clubs, I honestly don’t care if he goes, it’s his choice, not mine and i do trust him. But i do think that strippers are in a sad place in life. . because they cannot do that forever and when they stop. . that occupation will forever be in their past and could very well haunt them for the rest of their lives. Personally i don’t want a bachelorette party. . like i said above i don’t see the point. . .i dont need a last hurrah. . since i never was the "hurrah" type anyway. As for my Fiance, i dont think he’ll have one because, like me, he also doesnt see the point and also was never the "hurrah" type

Post # 33
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@MissCremeBrulee~  I love every word that you wrote.  Very good points, and something interesting to ponder over my Sunday morning cup of coffee…

Post # 34
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I know my Fiance and his friends, and they would hire a stripper only out a joke to watch my Fiance be uncomfortable and laugh at him. And I do believe there is a difference in a stripper and a strip club. And what KIND of stripper. Some really are only dancers. Making some money, whatever. Doing what they gotta do, I’m ok with it. Some are kinda gross. My Fiance has no interest in going to one before our wedding (even though I told him if he wants to go, thumbs up on my part, I don’t care!), but that’s not to say he hasn’t accidentally ended up the audience of a burlesque show with his buddies. Do I care? Nah. I know I can dress up and look 10x better than those girls anyways (and i am by far the most secure person i’ve ever met when it comes to the man they’re with, so maybe that is a factor for me in particular), and he has no interest in them at all. I just simply do not care, have fun, fine, but 4 weeks later, you’re mine! muah ha ha. I’m simply not worried at all. I don’t necessarily it’s disrespectful, either, depending on the situation. If he sits, drinks with his buddies, and has a good time, fine.  He isn’t going to be all "oh yah take it off" to them anyways. But if he is forced to, er, participate (ie get on stage), I would not be a fan. I also know he’d adamantly refuse, and he doesn’t drink so much he can’t say no anyways. But, knowing my Fiance, I know he would feel super skeezy doing it anyways.

All I know, is that when we were in Vegas for a bachelorette party, we considered taking her to the Australian Guys Down Under show just to watch her freak about the buffed up men in G-strings. Which i’m sure is different than a strip club. Sometimes, it really is all in good fun. It wasn’t cuz we were being creepers or wanted to watch the men gyrate around, we just thought it would be hilarious to freak her out. And I certainly do not think my Fiance would have been ticked at all, either. I don’t think all guys go to the strip club, even for a bachelor party, with the intention of getting their hands on something. That being said, there are classy strip clubs (i know, right? it really depends on where you live) and there are skeezy ones. Sometimes night clubs have people dancing around half naked, too! It’s those women’s jobs to dance up on their poles, too.  

Post # 35
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I completely agree with your points about how it’s insulting to the future Mrs.

My Fiance doesn’t really want the strip club experience because he understands your point #3 – why watch a sexy half naked stranger when he can have the real thing at home with the woman he loves.

I’ve also noticed that younger (early 20s) grooms/single guys attending are more about stripper parties. My Fiance is 29 & he’s not too excited about drinking too much & wasting money on such follies. He’s really into snowboarding, so I suggested that they take a guys trip to Tahoe instead. He liked the idea.

P.S. Little known fact: This tradition started because women were supposed to be virgins on their wedding night. It was thought that a husband’s lusts were too much for a virgin wife – so the man would go to a whore house the night before, so he would be ‘more gentle’ with his wife. We can certainly say that in contemporary times, most brides are not virgins.

Post # 36
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Poli2b, that’s funny.  Never heard that before.  Who knew this whole time they were trying to be considerate to us??

Post # 37
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

Thank you Miss Creme Brulee. I like what you wrote. I can’t say it better, so I really don’t have anything to add. It’s just so not a big deal to me. I really couldn’t care less if my husband went to a strip club. He also doesn’t wear a wedding ring. I’m all messed up! 😉

Post # 38
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

i hear all the time, "it’s a traditional guy thing."

but,  this isn’t a cutting of the cake thing. no way. my fiance doesn’t want to go, nor does he want me lusting on other men when i’ve already made my choice in him as my sexual partner IN ANY FORM. we take sex and anything connected to sex as a very intimate and personal matter, not to be shared outside our own relationship. to us, giving into lusting for others and choosing to lust for another reduces our connection to nothing special. he chose me, end of story.

not to say he’ll never be tempted or see a pretty girl,lol. but, choosing to watch women strip when i’m his sexual partner, steals from me and steals from him because: i will be less likely to trust him, feel confortable with my body (which will result in less sex for the both of us), take our sexual relationship as serious, and it would hurt my love for him because i’d feel degraded and not enough for him. it would hurt and make me angry…which isn’t good for getting along ; )

 i think it’s also the choice of the couple and if one isn’t comfortable with it, then that person’s feelings should be taken seriously.

whether these girls are professionals or just random girls shouldn’t ever make a point. other bodies are other bodies…these girls ARE real ppl. it wouldn’t ever be an option for us. what if the man is so tempterd by it that it becomes a problem??? it’s better left alone… to me. thats just MY opinion.

 

 

Post # 39
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Great post, Cherylanna.

Post # 40
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I’ve never had a problem with my husband going to strip clubs for his own bachelor party, and for his friends’ bachelor parties.  I guess I always feel more threatened by plain old clubs with women out looking for a date and a good time, whereas the environment in a strip club is more controlled… sure the women are naked, but they are there to earn money, not to hit on their customers (yes, it happens… strippers find love at their work, I’m sure, but I bet it’s not as often as regular old people find regular old love meeting in a bar). I guess what I’m saying is that I’m hugely more threatened by a cute, girl next door type 26 year old girl with a great career and a sparkling personality looking to find the love of her life than I am by some stinky naked stripper.

I am very comfortable with talking about strip clubs with Mr. Peng, and I think it just ends up being more of a joke for him and his friends.  Whenever they go to vegas for a bachelor party, they go to strip clubs, typically at the end of the night, and typically when they are on the brink of not even being able to see straight because they’ve been drinking all day long.  I guess I totally have faith in the fact that Mr. Peng would never respect a stripper as a real person, so I really don’t care that they’re naked and flaunting their bodies in front of him.  They’re merely objects.  And while that may be a kind of offensive statement about a stripper… I mean really… isn’t that their job?  It sounds like they’re ok with the fact that their jobs are to showcase their bodies as an object.  That’s perfectly fine with me.  I don’t mind that women choose stripping as a profession… it’s just a way to pay the bills.  It’s not any more degrading to women than superstar actresses who starve themselves on the brink of death, and perpetuate the ideal that women have to be 90 pounds to be found attractive.  I guess it’s all the same to me… that’s entertainment!

Anyway, I think it’s a matter of the mentality of the group of guys that goes to the strip club.  I think if I realized that my husband really got a huge rise out of going to a strip club, and regularly wanted to or tried to visit them, then I think I’d be more offended.  I’m not saying that I don’t assume he doesn’t enjoy seeing naked women, and that it’s some form of torture for him to be there… I’m positive that’s not the case, and I’m sure that he has a fun time while he’s there (he freakin better have fun, that stuff is expensive!).  He would just never really go to a strip club if it wasnt a huge organized bachelor party event… so I guess I just don’t think it’s a big deal.  

Besides, I have way more to offer than some random stripper in vegas, and we both know it 🙂

Post # 41
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

well, my fiance/ soon to be husband won’t be one of those that help them pay their bills,lol.

other girls might not feel hurt or degraded, but i would and many do. so that is just an opinion. so, one can’t say it’s not degrading, because you will find many who feel that it is degrading.

degrading:

to reduce (someone) to a lower rank, degree, etc.; deprive of rank, status, or title, esp. as a punishment: <span class=”ital-inline”>degraded from director to assistant director.

<span class=”ital-inline”>weaken or worsen; deteriorate.

<span class=”ital-inline”>

<span class=”ital-inline”>to me, turning on my fiance/husband is in a lot of ways taking MY place. so theres me being degraded because i’m supposed to be "that" one. my "rank" has been taken away even if it is just one night or in many cases many times for many other men in this world.as his fiance, i carry that title and all that title entails=) or else i’m being degraded.

<span class=”ital-inline”>i definitely don’t think that men respect strippers but that doesn’t matter to me. i don’t care if he respects her or not. he doesn’r respect me if he allows another woman to to strip for him.

<span class=”ital-inline”> why have marriage or relationship at all if i don’t care who he gets turned on by. i’m marrying my fiance for many reasons but because of love, i couldn’t ever allow him to break our sexual circle. "forsaking all others" & "commitment" mean more to me than just words. but, also… i’m lead by christ and live by the word, which tells me that, lusting on another woman is adultery. adultery can be commited in the mind the bible says. i know he won’t be perfect but to walking into a strip club is giving into temptation.

<span class=”ital-inline”>so even if i didn’t mind, i’d still not allow it because of my commitment to what christ says a relationship should be

<span class=”ital-inline”>

Post # 42
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I’m so glad this thread has been started because I was beginning to feel like I was insecure and the ‘lame’ girlfriend who doesn’t give her fiance the OK to have a stripper at his bachelor party. Not that he wants one anyway. I asked him what he wanted to do and he was like ‘Maybe play some golf or something’. I have concerns about the organizers of the party though doing what they think is typical, hiring a stripper.

I don’t have a problem with strippers, to each there own. My Fiance has been to bachelor parties in the past where there were strippers and thats fine, because it wasn’t about my Fiance. I did think about the bride-to-be and wondered how she felt about it all but it wasn’t my business or my problem. I do have a problem with the strippers being there for my Fiance. We are in our late 20’s. We’re grown-ups and we respect each other. We decided to get married because we don’t want anyone else. We’re not traditional about other things so why should the traditional bachelor party be something we should just do for traditions sake.

Another reason that I would be uncomfortable is that this is going to be a group including my Fiance, his friends that I hang out with, his brothers, my brothers and our fathers – I could NEVER look them in the eye again knowing they saw some naked girl gyrating all over my Fiance. I would be humiliated. My Fiance would be incredibly uncomfortable getting a lap dance and looking up and seeing my father. Plus I’m pretty sure my Dad and brothers would be FURIOUS. Not really how I want my marriage to start off, with my Fiance and my family humiliated and disgusted.

Post # 43
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Just out of curiousity, for those believe that their fiancee going to strip clubs insults/degrades/disrespects them, how do you feel if your fiancee watches porn without you?

I am truly curious and not trying to be judgmental.  I actually think watching porn (alone) is much more disrespectful than a strip club because I assume that he is replacing the male lead with himself in his mind. (I never think he replaces both the guy and the girl because, well, wouldn’t he want to perform those actions instead of watch?)  I only ask because it seems that porn is fairly widespread among the entire adult population, and most guys I know readily admit to liking and watching porn, whether or not they have a significant other.

Not that I’m THAT bothered by porn, but in the grand scheme of ranking what bothers me more, porn trumps strip club. 

Post # 44
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2000

A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE:  I am just thinking that the root cause of a majority of strippers who do this job has to do with poverty and/or previous sexual abuse. They are in a bad position emotionally to begin with and make a choice to get immediate food on the table. Many fall into drug addiction or medicate themselves with heavy alcohol intake, hurting their bodies, their futures and those who care in the long run.  They need healing and not another dollar offered up by men looking to have ‘fun’ at these women’s expense.  I am looking to heal and protect these women rather than do anything that would support or perpetuate this way ‘out’.

Post # 45
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

Interesting question Miss CremeBrulee. My fiance doesn’t watch porn either. But if he did, I think it would bother me less than him having a stripper at his bachelor party. Probably because if he is watching porn, he is alone. But the stripper at the bachelor party would be in front of a group. Also,the girl in the porn can’t reach out and touch him, can’t climb into his lap, can’t wax his nipples (yes- this happened at a bachelor party my Fiance went to). It’s less personal I guess.

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