(Closed) Strippers, bachelor parties, and trust issues- discussion

posted 13 years ago in Emotional
Post # 122
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I have long been wondering if I should respond to this post, especially given the past entries which have been so heated…

I personally am ok with strip clubs. My husband in fact went to a strip club for his bachelor party after of course we discussed and came to in agreement. 

To me these women are doing their job, maybe its not a job you find respectable, but in the end they are paying their bills and making a living at something that they know they can do.  These women are human, they have their problems no different than you or I.  Many have commented about they should get a different job; what if they can’t?  What if they can’t afford to take 2 years to pay to go to beautician school or maybe they do this to make money to pay for college (it’s a night job).    I know for some these are outlets from reality (a stressful day at work) and this may be a problem, but for most it is just entertainment (like watching Britney Spears in concert) 😉

Men objectify women  but likely no more than women objectify men.  Many women "check out" men that they are passing by (even after they are engaged/married).  It is likely that you and your partner objectified (definition to make something (such as an abstract idea) possible to be perceived by the senses) each other prior to being serious, because looks can play an important role in INITIAL attraction. 

On the flip side of the coin, I have been wondering this whole time what our fiances might find acceptable for a bachelorette party and what everyone has done/will do for their bachelorette party. Do men consider women going to clubs no different then them going to strip clubs? (Too bad we don’t have more guys around ;))  It would be interesting to see if there is some sort of double standard amongst bachelor vs bachelorette parties.

Ultimately it comes down to your own personal opinion.  No one is right or wrong…I can only hope that this thread turns back into more insightful opinions rather than the condemning comments it has taken the turn for.  I find reading others peoples point of views enlightening whether I agree with them or not.

Post # 123
3793 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

"Also, I take offense at the notion that some posters have alluded to that only Christians or religious people have the kind of moral credentials necessary for judging such things. You don’t need to believe in God to judge right from wrong"


I agree with this.  I also think that disagreeing with a certain viewpoint does not automatically make someone a moral relativist… 

Post # 124
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

"Also, I take offense at the notion that some posters have alluded to that only Christians or religious people have the kind of moral credentials necessary for judging such things. You don’t need to believe in God to judge right from wrong"

I think it’s a shame that you feel this way, but after carefully re-reading all of the posts in this thread that referenced religion, not one of them stated that the only way to make these judgments is to be a Christian or religious. To speak for myself, at least, I referenced my faith as a way to explain WHY I believe what I do about this issue. I firmly believe that there are others out there who believe what I believe (or similarly) without having the same reasons (Christianity) that I do. I agree with you– you don’t need to believe in God to judge right from wrong. You simply have different reasons, the ideas of morality and ethics that you hold. Please let me know if there is any more implied offense in what I’ve just said so I can clear that up for you.

Post # 125
28 posts
  • Wedding: September 2009

My post is re a bachelorette party my Maid/Matron of Honor is trying to throw for me…

She knows me very well, and knows how conservative I am (in all aspects of the term "conservative"). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a goody-goody, I listen to Howard Stern and find Jackass funny. So, she asked me if I wanted a bachelorette party. I really don’t want to, not just because of the economy and I don’t want anyone to have to pay for anything on my behalf. I don’t even want a bridal shower. I just want to be married to my fiance, period. Anyway, some of her co-workers who I know and know me (I used to work there) suggested having a bachelorette party/bridal shower/whatever-party where someone brings over sex toys, etc, like a tupperware party for vibrators and lubricants and stuff. I knew she knew that I won’t really go for it. But these women are not even invited to the wedding and are just looking for an excuse to have that sort of gathering, and using me as that excuse. I am not doing it, and I’m putting my foot down. It was very annoying…

Re bachelor parties for the men, I do agree with one post that said there’s a difference between a guy who frequents strip clubs and a guy whose friends take him to a strip club for the bachelor party. However, it is still up to the bachelor. I’m not gonna say that any man who agrees to go to the strip club is a sleazebag. However, in the words of the original poster, "Why go to a strip club to look at the body of a complete stranger when you have a perfectly good set of **** right here at home, that you get to touch!?"

Post # 126
32 posts

The way I see it: some women will never approve of bachelor parties at strip clubs. This may be because of morals (stemming from religion- or not), trust issues with the Mr., low self esteem, or perhaps fear of the unknown.

Whatever the reason, these women will never embrace strip clubs as a viable option for bachelor parties. It’s their relationship so as long as it’s not causing problems with the guy, so be it! I imagine most ladies who disapprove are marrying men who wouldn’t go there anyway- birds of a feather, right?

Personally, I trust my guy & see strip clubs as they are: entertainment after a night on the town celebrating the "last hurrah". Maybe it’s because i’ve been to strip clubs before (in montreal no less! & MTL clubs show A LOT)- but I laugh about it and see no big deal in guys oogling some pretty dancing girls. If you trust your guy, what’s there to worry about?

Post # 127
3340 posts
Sugar bee

"The way I see it: some women will never approve of bachelor parties at strip clubs. This may be because of morals (stemming from religion- or not), trust issues with the Mr., low self esteem, or perhaps fear of the unknown. "

I doubt any of those are reasons why women do not approve.  In fact I think plenty of self-assured, religious/not religious, women who are well aware of what goes on at a strip club have voiced very rational reasons why it isn’t ok with them.  You can’t classify someone as insecure just because they think differently than you do.

I think at this point we’ve run the gambit of why someone thinks it’s not a big deal and why someone thinks it’s a love buster.  You’ve all had some fabulous input, thank you for discussing this in a mature fashion!!  I hope that we can all simply agree to disagree on this subject.    In the end we’ve heard the opposing viewpoint and each bee can make her own decision with her fiance on the topic.

Post # 128
11 posts

I think it’s offensive to say that the reason that women oppose bachelor parties with strippers is because of trust issues with the MR, low self esteem or fear of the unknown.  Or, "if you trust your guy, there is nothing to worry about."  How about if I say that the reason that women agree to bachelor parties with strippers is because of respect issues with the MR (as in he doesn’t respect her), her low self esteem, or her fear of speaking up due to insecurity.  Sounds pretty offensive, doesn’t it.


It is up to an individual if they have no problem with their guy ogling naked girls. Or getting lapdances, which in Montreal are full contact.  Because you do not feel that is cheating, doesn’t mean that you have more trust or that your boundaries should be pushed onto someone else.  Maybe you just expect less, for whatever reason.  I have a friend in an open relationship and she doesn’t care that her husband goes to play parties, but that doesn’t mean that she is more trusting than me because she can laugh them off. 

One of the problems with raunchy bachelor parties, for many of women, is that they have become normalized.  So, there is a sense of entitlement on the part of the men, and a lot of coercive pressure on women, to accept them.  What people do in private is their own business, but this is a public celebration, and having a ritual that has been put forth as the norm and involves men helping their friends celebrate their "marriage" by bringing in other naked women and having them give the groom special attention is a put down to the bride and women in general.  How can anyone take the groom’s vows seriously when the last time they saw him, he had some naked stranger all over him.   So, I disagree with those that say that strip clubs in general are not OK but for the bachelor party they are fine.  I think they are much worse for the bachelor party, because for most women the wedding is so important, and for most people so much thought is put into the rituals around the wedding and what they mean for the couple. 


Post # 129
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with MightySapphire. This has been a pretty interesting conversation but I think to post any more on it might be beating a dead horse, as the expression goes.

Maybe an admin could close/lock this thread? Do admins do that on weddingbee?

Post # 130
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Hi ladies –

We’re going to go ahead and close this topic.

The topic ‘Strippers, bachelor parties, and trust issues- discussion’ is closed to new replies.

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