(Closed) Strippers, Hookers, and Blow

posted 7 years ago in Parties
  • poll: Did I do wrong by telling FI that him going to a strip club would be hurtful to me?
    No, you just told him how you would feel. Nothing wrong with that. : (99 votes)
    71 %
    Yes, that was an ultimatum, and it was unfair. : (36 votes)
    26 %
    Other, please explain below. : (5 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    2313 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    It’s emotional blackmail what you did, but I don’t think it’s wrong. Bahaha. 


    Post # 4
    3526 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010


    Nope. I actually feel out of all the countless stripper threads I’ve seen you have given your Fiance the most logical reason why. You told him how you felt and you are letting him make the decision for himself. I see nothing wrong with that.


    Post # 5
    1003 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I know I’ll be in the minority but yes I think what you said to your Fiance is wrong and you did just throw out an ultimatum. By saying you aren’t going to have sex with him is using sex as a control device, and I am personally really against that. And I have seen it often times blow up in women’s faces. 

    You should just let him know how hurt you would feel if he went through with these bachelor plans and left it at that. You are right, he is a grown adult and at the end of the day it is him making choices. You can warn him of “actions equal consquences” but leave it at that. Don’t start throwing out ultimatums. It just ends badly.

    Post # 6
    4519 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    You were not in the wrong AT ALL. 

    It’s sad that we as women have to worry that we’re being too controlling when we express that we’re uncomfortable with our committed partners’ going out to have sexual experiences with other women. How backward is that?! And yet I completely understand how you feel, because I would worry about saying something, too, because we’re constantly told that strip clubs are “not a big deal,” and that we should not be hurt by them. This seems crazy to me, when you really stop to think about what’s going on. 

    Anyway, I ramble, but you did the right thing. You respectfully expressed your reservations.

    Post # 7
    10366 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think you should have just asked him not to go instead of being all “you can make your own decisions” and then basically backing him into a corner. Just communicate clearly and tell him how you really feel, you know? There isn’t any need to play games here.

    Post # 8
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    it’s not an ultimatum, but you’re using sex to try to control him, which isn’t cool.

    Post # 9
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    First, I would totally be annoyed by the Groomsmen trying to be cute with the “I can’t tell you.” You’re adults, you’re not in middle school, that shit is annoying. 


    Beyond that though… I’m torn. On one hand you can’t really control how you feel and it seems like you tried to explain that rationally to Fiance in a “this is the consequences of your actions” kind of way… so I guess that is good (certainly better than saying fine go and then being pissed when he does). 

    But on the other hand I feel like you’re putting him in a really bad situation and that your feelings aren’t really rational. You’re totally right that if they go to Vegas they will probably go to a strip club and he will probably have someone buy him a lap dance which he will probably accept to avoid taunting. I just don’t understand why that has to be such a big deal. You know that he can’t really go and NOT do those things because that is what everyone else will be doing… so you’re basically saying either give up your bachelor party or I’m going to be mad at you. Kinda sucky for him, no? Honestly I seriously doubt he would even enjoy the lap dance. From everything my guy friends tell me they’re just kind of awkward and more for the amusement of your friends than your own gratification. 

    Post # 10
    156 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    psh.. i’d do the same thing hahaha i agree wtih ohheavenlyday: its black mail but ohh sweet revenge.

    Also ask your Fiance how he would feel if you had strippers…

    Post # 11
    1398 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I don’t really think you’re using sex as a control device.  It just sounds to me like you’d be legitimately grossed out and wouldn’t be into it for a while.  Can’t say I blame you.  I think telling him your feelings was the absolute correct thing to do. 

    Post # 12
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I picked other.  I could care less if he was going to a local strip club, but my brother got drunk and told me about a bachelor party he went to in Vegas and let’s just say I was shocked.  I think what you did was fair…. he is an adult, you gave him a choice, he can pick one or the other.  You gave him the information on what your opinon and feelings were. 

    Post # 13
    608 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I agree with  @sceeder.  I think it was good you told your Fiance how you felt and that his actions would hurt you but I think holding sex over his head is different than expressing your feelings. 
    Are you uncomfortable with the whole vegas trip or just the strippers?  Just wondering if there is some happy medium for you and your Fiance that you would both be happy with. 

    Post # 16
    5271 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I agree that this emotional blackmail.

    Howevery, You are completely in your right to express your feelings about the situation and make it clear that you will be hurt! This form of communication is important, and its good that he clearly knows your boundries. Personally, I just don’t agree with the threat/blackmail side of it :/   

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