(Closed) Strippers – long!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1840 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t know that anyone can really say anything to make you feel better. 

FWIW, I don’t like the idea of the strippers, but my Fiance has been a few times before we started dating and a couple of times since we started dating for bucks nights /boys 30ths etc. I’ve learnt to just accept it. Generally there is no touching but I know that things get a little crazier for the buck so I’m ok with the fact that he will probably touch a stripper on his bucks. 

 

I really hope you guys can work through this together. You say it’s not a dealbreaker and that’s a good step towards moving forward with your relationship.

Post # 3
Member
2570 posts
Sugar bee

If this is going to be a one night only event I would probably let it go and try to move past it.

You obviously trust this man enough to marry him so trust him that nothing bad happened πŸ™‚

 

Post # 4
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m so sorry πŸ™ I would be super pissed that he “ran his hands up and down her body” after telling you he wouldn’t touch. Did he apologize for that? It also sucks that when you told him your concerns and apprehensions he tried to make you feel bad about it. He should have listened to you and adjusted the night’s plans accordingly. Doesn’t seem like he exactly took your feelings into consideration or cared about them very much. I would feel hurt too. You are allowed to feel however you are feeling.

Post # 5
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@Lauren267  Have you ever been to a strip club?

Post # 7
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m not going to be the girl to tell you you’re being crazy and should just get over it. I’m not cool with strippers and would be very hurt in your situation. I am sorry you are going through this, but you will grow past it in time. Your Fiance doesn’t love you any less because this happened and your relationship will only be forever changed if you let it. Try not to talk about it with him for a day or two and really do some soul-searching in regards to what exactly bothers you – is it jealousy, do you feel less special to him, etc. Then have an honest discussion with him about what and why you feel this way. It probably does spawn from some of your own insecurities, and that’s ok, just be honest with yourself and your Fiance. Above all, remember your Fiance loves you and was not trying to hurt you.

Post # 8
Member
7140 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

This makes me feel lucky that my Fiance is one of those guys that hates any female without class – i.e. all strippers.  I don’t think he would touch him with a 10 foot pole.

However, I used to have a boyfriend that would always joke about going to the strip club, but I couldn’t tell whether he was serious.  It was awful and made me very insecure.

I’m sorry he put you through that.  He should have respected your thoughts and feelings.

Post # 9
Member
5187 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

View original reply
@Lauren267  I know the visual of him and the stripper is hurtful for you. That being said, men enjoy razzing each other.  Imagine the hell his friends would give him if he’d said “no way! Lauren saiys I’m not allowed!” 

Keep in mind that strippers do this by profession. After whipping your Fiance she probably went right on to do the same thing to another embarrassed bachelor. 

Post # 10
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
@Lauren267  

I’m really sorry- if I were in your shoes, I would be pissed/hurt too! You are justified to feel the way you do. 

I think I am more bothered by his reaction to your feelings. I am sure he was not trying to hurt you, and it sounds like you have a good relationship with him- but perhaps you should give it a few days so some of the fresh emotions can die down. Think about why you are feeling so hurt, and what you would like to accomplish in a conversation with your Fiance. Personally, I am better with writing than talking when I am really hurt- so you may write out what you want to say before having a talk with him. 

In my experience- sometimes men/boys just do stupid things, and I cannot speak for every woman- but some of us may have a tendancy to overthink these stupid actions and try to find a deeper meaning. It’s possible that your Fiance was just showing off in front of his guys….. as stupid as that sounds. 

Take some deep breaths, watch your favorite TV show, or read a funny book- do some soul searching, talk to your Fiance in a couple of days, and have faith in your relationship. πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

He broke your agreed upon boundary of no touching, and that’s not cool. I don’t think he would be ok with a man whipping your bare backside. 

My fiance is a feminist, and I don’t think he’d ever go to a strip club. He says his friends might want him to go, but honestly, I think there are better things guys can do to hang out together than going to objectify women. I would be pissed in the first place if my fiance did this, but if i found out he touched or was touched, it would be a dealbreaker. That is just too distasteful for me to deal with and I want to marry someone who respects women and is enough of a man to tell his friends when he thinks something is wrong. 

I agree with the suggestion to write your fiance a letter about how you feel. Maybe there’s something he can say to make you feel better about the situation.

Post # 13
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee

Strippers don’t bother me.

If they did though and I expressed this to Fiance and he went anyway, I would be pissed.

To me, the BS excuse of “tradition” or “boys will be boys” isn’t more important than your partner feelings and future marriage.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@Lauren267  This is not a dealbreaker for me. I know there are girls out there who don’t have a problem with it. I want to be those girls.

 

First of all, I want to say I’m so sorry you’re upset. I would be too.

But about your above comment: If it’s “not a dealbreaker,” and if you want to be “one of those girls” who is OK with it, then there really isn’t a whole lot that you can do about this.

If you really stand by those words, then you’re going to have to suck it up, I guess.

But I couldn’t.

My advice would be to stop apologizing for your feelings, stop allowing yourself to even think, much less say things like “I’m struggling to decide whether I’m being irrational and anxious.”

OWN YOUR ANGER. It’s OK. Speak your mind and stick to your guns.

There are so many far worse things in life than being called a controlling b1tch.

Women in particular get into so much trouble in relationships when they tip-toe around their feelings and bend over backwards to kow-tow to the whims of their boyfriends, SO’s and DH’s. 

And I’m not judging. I’ve been there.

Post # 15
Member
9127 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@Lauren267  Classy comment there  How about we leave the woman on woman hate at the door.

 

View original reply
@Lauren267  Unfortunately you agreed to the strippers. This is what happens when you agree to something you are not onboard with. When I think about strippers I just think about them as being women who are being paid to do a job, a job they probably don’t like very much. They are just there for the money and are usually not getting off on it in anyway. 

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