(Closed) Strippers – long!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Listen, I like strip clubs. (seriously, have you SEEN what some of them can do?? They need money for that lol) I am the one who brought my Fiance to one actually. I like to pick up ideas from them. BUT, thats what floats my boat, not yours. I take issue with 1. the fact that he made a promise and then broke it and 2. that his friends’ feelings took precedent over yours. The stripper part is totally irrelevant. But that stuff is not cool. I’m glad some type of constructive communication happened between you guys. Just remember, you are a STRONG woman. You are HIS woman, and therefore, in your relationship, you should require his respect at all times. If you have a gripe, speak up! He should take you seriously.

Post # 47
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Lauren267:  I was asking because I think your mind can really play tricks when you’ve never been somewhere (i.e. strip club) and your imagination runs wild.  Honestly, they’re not that bad.  It’s pretty obvious the girls there are just there for a job, not ravashing sex nuts out to get your Fiance.

Not that this is going to make you feel any better about the situation, but just to provide some perspective.  However, this is coming from someone who actually enjoys visiting strip clubs.

Post # 48
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Lauren267:  You compare it to another man meeting your “emotional needs” for the night but I can assure you there was nothing “emotional” about it! He got whipped, she got paid, that’s all there is to it! He came home to (and is marrying!!) YOU so you have no reason to be concerned!

Post # 49
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

He crossed a boundary. I can’t tell you what you should or should not do, how you should or should not react. I will tell you that you’re not one of these girls who’d be okay with your man going to the strip club, and that’s fine.

The only way to get past this is to have a frank discussion with your fiance about how his behavior made you feel and how upset you are. Bottling it up won’t do you any good because the feelings don’t just go away.

Post # 50
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

I been to a few strip clubs my self and i can tell you that all the touching and stuff is so that they can get more money.  They can touch you but you can’t touch them so it’s alright for her to grab him. When this strippers know a big crowd is coming in for this sort of event they will do whatever to get a few extra dollars. I wouldn’t worry about it. These are all women who can’t go out and get a normal jobs because they rather just take their clothes because it’s an easy buck. It’s really just a very well known boy’s tradition no different than when women do it. I think its just more men are prone to do it. I’ve come across a few strippers in my life and lets just say they were in jail for child support,  theft, or drugs. It was one night just let it be he is home with you and is marrying u.

Post # 51
Member
6526 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Lauren267:  eek. I am sorry. I don’t know what to say to make you feel better. 

I agree with PPs that this is a one time thing. <br /><br />I don’t care that Darling Husband goes to strips clubs once in awhile (i.e. his best friends bday) but there are boundaries when going – no touching! And of course Darling Husband agrees, he really hates strip clubs and only goes bc its friends bday. He sits himself in a corner and sips his drink and doesn’t leave himself open for a lap dance and whatever else they do. If Darling Husband ever crossed that boundary, (which would never happen) there would be hell to pay and he would not be going to one ever again. I don’t care that I have to fight him tooth and nail and I don’t really care that this his friends would think of me as a bitch for not letting him go. He crossed a line, and thats that. 

Hopefully you can move past this and not let it bother you but I would make it clear to your Fiance that strip clubs are out of the question for future buck parties. Since he obviously crossed the line

 

Post # 52
Member
3065 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Lauren267:  Stop thinking about it. You did agree to it, he went, it is what it is. If you need closure to the event since you are not comfortable with the idea of strip clubs- how about you both agree that no more strip clubs in the future.

After that, move on. IT happened, its in the past, and unless you are legitimatly going to leave him over it your best move for your marriage is to let it go and stop thinking about it. 🙂 I know easier said than done but you have to try otherwise you will make it worse

Post # 53
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think a real man should be ‘allowed’ to do what he want haha

To me its crazy you even discussed it with him your making him feel bad about having fun and thats bad. 

Post # 54
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You do not have to be ok with something you’re not ok with.

You agreed to something for the sake of not causing upset with his friends. The sooner you stop doing that, the happier you’ll be. If you’re not ok with strippers, you’re not ok with strippers. Everyone has their boundaries.

Now, he crossed a line. No one can tell you how to proceed but, he knew how you felt and disrespected your feelings.

 

 

Post # 55
Member
2740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Listen, you do NOT need to try and be ok with it. You’re allowed to feel the way that you do. In fact, you should stand strong & proud of your feelings, regardless of what they are. They are you. You wouldn’t try to change your view on something else that you felt strongly about, would you? Why compromise who you are & how you feel? Don’t “try to be those women who are OK with it” because that’s not you! Be who you are.

Post # 56
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

Katyalove:  yeah it’s crazy to have an open discussion about   an issue and your expectation of your partner.

Get out of here with your nonsense. 

Post # 57
Member
1039 posts
Bumble bee

First off, “big hugs”..I definitely feel where you are coming from. I had a very heated discussion with my now Darling Husband when he was planning his bach party and basically said that if we wanated to marry the girl who was okay with strippers, he’s got the wrong woman. To each their own, but I cannot see how going to a strip club with your closest male friends to celebrate your upcoming marriage is quality guy time. And yes, I have been to one.

I think that you have every right to be upset. Maybe you should have made it clear how much strippers bothered you before he went away, you did say that the both of you had a “no touching’ rule. Emotions aside, he did what he promised his future wife he would not do. I find it ridiculous when any grown man uses his friends and/or  alcohol as an excuse for bad behavior.

As far as him giving you the guilt trip about not letting have a traditional bach party and saying his friends would have to cancel, that does suck but you did cave and let him go, so you can’t really get upset about him being around strippers.

Sit him down and tell him how you feel. The last thing you need is this hanging over your heads.

Post # 58
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Katyalove:  So just because he’s a grown man he should be able to do anything he wants? Even something that his spouse finds hurtful and disrespectful?

 

Post # 59
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

KC-2722:  my thoughts exactly. I’m hoping she is a troll. I just can’t imagine anyone with that mentality.

ugh and someone actually agreed with her. 

Post # 60
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

lol troll that terms still hilarious to me i dont know why! lol

i worked at a strip club as a bartender, most of them are dirty, bitchy, drug addicts. 

I used to get yelled and screamed and completely disrespected from them on a daily basis if i didnt serve them before a customer….we got into it but i wont elaborate.

then again on the flip side i met one ONCE and she was a total sweetheart. So I cant say all of them are like that.

and Ive heard stories from some male friends that they used to go to a specific club because some chick would let them do stuff to her….. UGH just GROSS ness to the mostest.

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