(Closed) Strippers – long!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sweetheart you need to toughen up a bit and stand your ground. What’s done is done but what bothers me is that he took the view that what his friends wanted was more important than your feelings on the issue.

i don’t tell my husband what he can/cannot do because he’s an adult and I’m not his mother but if there was something I felt strongly about I would have no qualms in telling him in no uncertain terms what I think. 

Don’t concern yourself with other women who are cool with this, that’s their business and you’re entitled to feel how you feel and no one really has the right to tell you how you should feel about this. 

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  londonchick.
Post # 62
Member
777 posts
Busy bee

Lauren267:  It isn’t really a tradition anymore to go to strippers, plenty of buck nights have happened without doing that, mostly because the men respect their FWs feelings.

I know what you mean though, on the one hand I would want to be cool about it and let it go, on the other hand I would be PISSED. I’m sorry but I would hate it if my Fiance went to see strippers, let alone touch them, I get they are just doing their job, but when my Fiance used to get upset that when I was serving people they would stare at my chest, then I have every right to be upset that he turns around and does the very thing he was upset about with me.

It was so rude that he turned your feelings around and made you feel bad, I understand the feeling of saying yes just because someone guilts you into it. Unfortunetly, you should have stuck to your guns but you have every right to be upset about the touching.

Although at the end of the day he came home to you..

Post # 63
Member
941 posts
Busy bee

Yeah… I am not down with strippers. You put it perfectly when you stated that it wouldnt be ok to have your emotional needs met by another man. 

I see enough men who still treat women as second class citizens and I can not stand it. I personally dont care if it is tradition for men to go and get wasted and have some naken women bouncing on him, in my book its not alright to ask your fiance to be ok with something just because your friends want to go. 

Trust is the most important thing in any relationship, I wouldnt be willing to give that up for anything. I dont think you are wrong for this bothering you. I would be upset as well. 

And dont try to be anyone else sweetie, be just who you are. That is who he fell in love with and that is who he wants to marry. There is no shame in being a woman who isnt ok having another females bits bouncing all over her man. 

Post # 64
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Lauren267:  

I’m not going to say you are crazy and you have every right to be upset about it…. but it’s done and nothing really bad have happened. 

I would suggest maybe pay a visit to strip bar with your girlfriends. It isn’t really that bad. Guys can get kick out if they even dare to touch the stripper… your guy was able to touch the stripper probably his buddy buy him a lap dance…and he probably don’t want to look like a loser in front of his friends and did it… It’s a stag, so … yeah.. 

 

Post # 65
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I’m sorry I can’t help you but to say men have an image or expectation to uphold around his friends so he was just giving in to peer pressure.

My husband and I agreed no strippers. That meant none for me either. I would class brushing up another person as cheating I know not many would agree though.

Just take it as a learning curve and not to agree if you don’t feel comfortable after all isn’t that what partnership is all about.

Post # 66
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

I’d feel really sad and angry too, and I’d probably suggest me doing the same thing with a male stripper…

Post # 67
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

That said, I definitely think this is something you guys can get over, it’s not going to ruin things. But it does suck now. 🙁 Hugs and peace.

Post # 68
Member
11650 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

You’ve gotten great feedback from the other bees, OP.

I’m not trying to hijack, but the sad, offensive way women are discussed by others is disturbing. E.g., it’s okay that he did this because the men were peobably making fun of how ugly or gross the stripper was? Ugh. This is my issue, I don’t want to be with a man who disrespects women to this degree (not saying OPs Fiance does, this was a reply by a bee). 

Whether a man is pro or against strippers, I dont want to hear nasty things about a strippers while they are being treated happily like sexual objects. Yeah, that’s problematic. 

Post # 69
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m not defending him but sometimes in the heat of the moment, and when alcohol is involved, “deals” get forgotten.

My SO had never been to a stripclub (and I know he’s not lying to me because his brother and friends always joke around and make fun of him because everytime they go to the strip joint, he does his own thing and doesn’t go).<br />He said he has no interest in going and doesn’t want a stripper at his bucks party either however I know that his brother and friends will be expecting it because it’s “tradition” so I’ve made a deal with his best man, I couldn’t care less if there is a stripper, but I get to pick her.

Think of the bigger picture, he was open and honest with you. He could have easily said he didn’t touch her.

Post # 70
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

 

Lauren267:  I didn’t read all of the comments on here (there are a lot!) but thought I’d tell you that I am the exact same way. I find the idea of strippers and going to a strip club as a guys tradition for their bachelor (bucks?) party ridiculous. “Let’s celebrate you spending the rest of your life with the woman you love by getting drunk and looking at a bunch of half naked women!”. It’s disrespectful and almost always makes us girls feel insecure. You have me, why do you need to go look at anyone else? I have gotten mad at my Fiance for going to his brother’s bachelor party at a strip club. His reaction, “what? Am I just not supposed to go when everyone else is???” Me, “yes”. Other women and most men like to make us feel like we are “crazy and insecure” for demanding our men don’t go to strip clubs but it’s something I am very against. To me, it feels like cheating. I know it’s not that extreme but honestly, why is it acceptable to look at other naked women when you are in a monogomous relationship?? And it is TOTALLY different than seeing a naked woman on tv, imo. A naked woman in the flesh, in front of you is absolutely worse than some image on a tv screen. After the fight about his brother’s bachelor party I expressed my concerns about our wedding day feeling “tainted” if I knew he spent a night looking at strippers. I explained how he would be uncomfortable if I went out and looked at naked men. Luckily, my Fiance understood and never like strippers in the first place and said he would not go again. He has already told all of his brothers and his best man that a strip club is out of the question for his bachelor party. If I find out it happens anyway, there will be hell to pay!

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