- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
The stripper-laden bachelor party is one of the most frequently discussed subjects here. So, I would like to explain why this ‘mandatory’ element of the bachelor party has been difficult to snuff out…. from an FG’s perspective.
Essentially, I believe it has to do with the culture surrounding the wedding concept, and the culture’s refusal to re-orient weddings such that they would include stereotypical male-centric activity/style/interest/etc.
The strip club stuff is engrained into the male psyche when it comes to bachelor parties. There’s never really been enough of a cultural shift about this, so that it is still the “stereotypical” bachelor party.
Having a future groom explain to his groomsmen that this is unacceptable is, often times, tough as hell.
I know it is for me, at least. I’ve told my best man and a couple of the groomsmen on more than one occasion that I object to this idea, and it’s like speaking to a brick wall.. they just will not believe me. It’s “just something you say” so as not to offend FB, that’s what they think. NO, I tell them, I’m serious…lol… still don’t believe me.
So, left with the crappy prospect of getting taken to one and having to bail, getting mad at groomsmen, then having to explain it to FB, having her get upset about it…….oh…my…god. I really hope they will respect my wishes.
If it helps, think about it like this: if you’re the ‘average’ bride: imagine if your fiancee told you he wouldn’t give you an engagement ring, saying that it was an outdated idea, and most working couples make similar salaries these days so why should he pay for your huge rock?
Now imagine trying to explain THAT to everyone that asks. Imagine how annoying that would get? Yeah, exactly. It’s not the best analogy, but it’s close. You’re trying to destroy a cultural element, and leaning on someone who is engrossed inside that culture (the groom, as a male) to do so, then getting irritated if he can’t.
For the most part, all of the wedding experience is almost entirely bride-centric. Creates a bit of an entitlement mentality among the guys. It’s almost “all the wedding fun belongs to the bride, but at least I get that wild bachelor party!”
…then the bride says, “Don’t be wild!” It’s just hard for a lot of FGs to buy that, and even if they do, you have to HOPE that the groomsmen will too, which can be tough!
They may look at it from this perspective: “hey, who does the bride think she is to interfere? This is ‘his day’, he deserves something special as well, and this is the only moment in the wedding process that truley focuses on him, so deal with it!”
Again, for an analogy, it would be like the groomsmen picking out the colors, centerpieces, whatever, and expecting the bride to go along with it.
So to sum it all up, in my opinion: there hasn’t been enough cultural adjustment to completely change the idea of the strip club, it’s still considered a rite of passage among many.
Much of this can be attributed to the fact that little has been done to change the wedding process to compensate grooms for the changing norms. Stereotypically, the groom remains on the outside looking in. With no (or little) attention being paid to the groom’s wishes throughout the wedding planning process. Instead, the groom is either treated as an object (“show up on time, with your tux on”) or a tool, “here’s a ‘to-do’ list for you… get it done!!!!” Why? “Because I said so!”). To boot: to the vendors, often times, he may be nothing more than a checkbook, with the bride taking responsibility for certain choices. (Virtually all of them.)
This is often couched in terms of, “well, he didn’t care what color the flowers were anyways, sooooo…”, but that ignores the larger issue. It’s not the choice of flower colors that are the problem! It’s that the elements of the traditional wedding are biased in favor of female-centric concerns to begin with.
Therefore, either the groom clings on to the wild strip club-type bachelor party as his only bastion of “control” in the wedding planning process, or, he’s a good guy and forsakes that, but the groomsmen may try to pressure him into the male-bonding ritual after all. But even if he does forsake it, he may still be resentful about being told to put up the $$$ and/or work on projects, when denied the rite of passage…. UNLESS the culture shifts to a degree where the groom can be treated with respect and dignity as well.
Please note: this is not a pro-strip club post, but an explanation as to why the strip club idea has been so tough to kill.