(Closed) Struggling

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeah, I can see why you’d feel unloved from his rant. Has he ever treated you like this before?

Post # 6
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

You asked a questions, and maybe one of his limitations is answering with a little sensitivity. I am sure he thought that he was doing what you asked and it came out more hurtful than he intended.

Post # 7
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Tough love is not cruel. Sounds like it was mean to me. Yes, he is your husband but just because he says it doesn’t make it truth. He married you so your limitations must not be that awful. Good grief. I understand how much it hurts you. I would feel the same way. Is he perfect? Of course not so he should not be so willing to judge you.

As for your internship, when you describe a limitation put it into positive phrases. Ex: I am extremely conscientious and I expect a lot of myself. I can’t think of any others right now.

I would sit down with your husband after you have calmed down or maybe you need to get a little mad. Let him know how hurtful he was. I would then tell him he better come up with ten attributes in you since he so readily listed your limitations!!!!! Oh and tell him you want them in writing.

Hugs to you. Being emotional is not a limitation. It means you are a sensitive, caring person.

Post # 8
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Jamie42003:  I think you guys need to have a conversation about this event in a calm moment. You need to say how his comments made you feel and he needs to calmly accept that and respond to you lovingly. A half-hearted apology doesn’t cut it when mean things are said. You’re married and need to work this out, but he doesn’t get a pass for a 1/2 hour rant about you that sounds like a personal attack. If you can’t come to a satisfactory resolution after your calm conversation, you may need to talk to someone either alone or together. Please don’t let this go by without addressing it to your satisfaction. If you don’t demand respect you may not get it. Good luck 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

@lorie:  +1

Apparently one of his limitiations is responding appropriately and understanding context. He owes you an apology, and you have every right to be hurt. I’m pretty sure any human being would get tearey eyed if their significant other listed percieved shortcomings for half an hour. Honestly I would have fared much worse!

My SO responded to a question horribley once too, and he still considers it one of his lowest moments in our relationship. Sometimes people just brain fart about what’s okay and what’s not and it takes the cold light of day for them to see what they did. I hope that he grovels good and hard for you tomorrow.

Post # 10
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Aaaand that’s why most of my friends are guys.

Men don’t sugar coat bullsh*t and give it back to you in a pretty package. They tell it like they see it and I’m sorry, but you asked for it, joke or not. 

Noone wants to know what their limitations are but we all have them. Some of these are soft limits, meaning they could be expanded upon with work, and some are hard, meaning you could try till you’re blue in the face and it will always be a limit. 

It sounds to me like your husband gave you an earful. In retrospect, probably not as brutal as you think and maybe, you can agree with some of his points. Right now, your emotions are too raw to do an analytical dissection but sleep on them and approach them tomorrow with fresh perspective. I’m sure, unless he’s a complete ass, that he was not trying to personally attack you but offer you his perspective on the question you posed.

That being said, Guys are not known for sensitivity. They are problem solvers by nature. Whereas a woman will get emotional and try to rationalize and guy just wants to fix the problem. 

I’m sorry he was hard on you. Tough love or the ‘suck it up, Buttercup’ is the way they’re programmed. Girls are coddled from childhood, boys are told they better not cry no matter what. It makes you stronger *insert chest beating*. 

I’d talk to him tomorrow, or the next time you’re calm and just flat out say “Look, I know I asked you xyz the other night and I appreciate your response however, next time it would really help me if you approached a discussion like that with a little more sensitivity”. By making it seem like he’s helping (read: fixing) by shedding a little bit of the tough guy attitude when dealing with you, he’s more likely to approach the topic with a hint more discretion.

Take some deep breaths, realise that you are loved, and all the best

Post # 11
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

How are you doing today???

The topic ‘Struggling’ is closed to new replies.

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