Post # 1
Bees, I’m struggling big time after an unplanned c section and could use some advice or positive experiences.
Background: I had the c section last weekend after a 60 hour induction, including 24 hours on a high dose of pitocin. I finally fully dilated and pushed for 3 hours, only to have it go nowhere (malpositioned head, contractions stalled). During the c section, they nicked my bladder and now I have to have a catheter for two weeks.
It’s so hard for me to just enjoy my new baby. Of course I’m crazy in love with her and so, so grateful to have this perfect, healthy little girl. However, I feel like I can barely take care of her while recovering from this surgery and I hate that. My husband has been doing everything for us.
I also can’t stop thinking about how close I came to a vaginal birth and how it all could be so different now. I keep thinking I should have put off the induction for a few more days. I HATE that the first time I met my baby I was scared and doped up. And I’m absolutely terrified of what will happen the next time I get pregnant. I would love to try for a VBAC, but I’m not sure that will be possible because of the bladder injury.
I know the most important thing is that my baby came out safely, but that’s not helping my intense regret over how it happened. I can’t hear/read anything about vaginal childbirth without getting teary.
How can I get over this??? When will I at least start to feel better? I know I can’t keep dwelling on this…
Post # 2
n00bee : Aw, sweetie! It’s really rough — physically and emotionally. Don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve been through the most wonderful amazing thing, but at the same time, the most scary and traumatizing thing. Don’t feel bad that your husband is helping. Let him do this for you and for your daughter. And for him! I had an unplanned c-section too — nowhere near as long or eventful as yours, and it was still really hard. My husband was happy to be able to be there. He was scared and tired but felt proud that he was able to take care of his family. A vaginal birth is not better than a c-section. You have not failed or come in second place. My second was born via planned c-section and it was SO much easier than the first. If you are able to do a VBAC, that will be wonderful; and if you end up with more belly-births, that will also be wonderful. I hope you can find some peace and come to realize that you did a truly awesome thing that is worth celebrating, not getting over. Congratulations and best wishes to you.
Post # 3
I have had four sections and never thought twice about it. My daughters were all healthy and had the best birth for them. Turned out after my first I developed an intolerance to the anesthesia so I was sick as a dog afterward. My ex never did a damn thing to help either so at least you aren’t doing it on your own in that aspect.
Post # 4
Of course it’s great that she’s healthy, but don’t dismiss your feelings. It’s totally understandable to feel frustration sadness and even anger that your birth experience wasn’t what you hoped it would be. Mine wasn’t for a variety of reasons, and i would really strongly recommend talking to someone, like a counselor about it. I didn’t at the time, and now that I’m pregnant with my second i am really struggling with anxiety about the birth, and wish i had dealt with this sooner.
Post # 5
Hang in there, new momma! It sounds like you had a incredibly tough delivery and you should be proud! I understand how you feel… i was unable to walk due to a pelvis injury after labor for a couple of weeks and hubby did everything. I felt so let down, useless and angry. So angry! I felt like my body failed me. Things became better once I became more independent and could use the stroller as a walker, quite literally pushing baby boy through the apartment if I needed to move him. Also, my hormones after labor were intense. Lots of crying spells. The only thing you can really do is take a breath and tell yourself that it is temporary.
One thing that was very hard was watching the grandparents do things as simple as pick up ds and rock him. Totally normal thing for them to want to do, but I dont think they realized that watching them do something that I was incapable of was heartbreaking. Maybe hubby can prep them and ask them to be sensitive to the little things? Instead of asking only to hold baby, they could take some nice pics of you with baby or grab some food for you? Not saying they shouldn’t have their fun and bonding, but just to be aware that some sensitivity with baby interaction is needed, if this is an issue.
Post # 6
I’m sorry you had such a tough birth and long recovery. My first was a CS due to a failed induction also. You can’t beat yourself up in the “what if’s.” You could have waited it out and still ended up in induction. Or waited it out and baby gone into distress. It took me a few months to feel better about my CS. My 2nd was an induced VBAC but after following a great Facebook group, I felt okay about the possibility of it being another CS. Honestly, I don’t feel “changed” or “healed” after my VBAC and it came with it’s own set of difficulties but I am just happy both my babies are healthy.
I recommend the VBAC- evidence based support group. They can sometimes be a little too “anti crunchy” but they are honest, realistic and supportive.
Post # 7
I’m sorry that you are disappointed with your birth. Did your hospital offer any counseling or debrief services? I had an emergency c-section after failed induction. I was given stacks of pamphlets was asked many, many times for weeks if I needed support after my traumatic birth.
I about to have my second baby, and the hospital again offered to do a birth debrief, which is an extended session with a senior OB and a counselor to discuss what happened.
I would definitely look into what options are available for you.
Post # 8
It’s totally okay for you to be sad about the unplanned c-section! I had an EMCS after planning for a med free water birth and it ducked big time. Recovery was so hard and even six months later I’m still sad about it. Those feelings don’t negate your thankfulness that baby is here happy and healthy, so don’t feel bad about them. I’m guessing you’re only a week or so postpartum? It will get better, even though I still have moments of sadness it isn’t all encompassing like it was for the first few weeks postpartum. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve everything that didn’t go the way you wanted it to. Also if you can seek mental health counseling that is very helpful. Also be gentle with yourself as you recover physically and lean on your support people. Once you start feeling better physically it will be easier to heal mentally. Hugs.
Post # 9
In terms of practical steps are you able to get a copy of your notes / file from your hospital and talk through them with your OB? Sometimes talking through your experience with your medical team can help give some closure and understanding as to why your labour and birth happened the way it did.
Also, does your medical insurance cover some sort of therapy so you could perhaps get some professional help and coping strategies?
and lastly, remember that whilst your labour andbirtj are important and that your feelings are valid, how baby got here is just a drop in the bucket of your life as a parent so don’t let it define you or spoil your time with your new baby.
Post # 10
Aww, I’m sorry Momma. I can sympathize with how you’re feeling, minus the c-section.
You will get through this, and as cliche as it is, it’ll become a blur.
The first few weeks are sooooo hard. Be kind to yourself and feel all the feels.
Sending the biggest of hugs your way and prayers for a speedy recovery!
Post # 11
It will get better. I promise. You will be able to be up and about and feeling more able to do things soon. This will help.
I think it would be a really good idea if you could talk through your birth experience with a professional. These feelings you are having are totally understandable and valid
Post # 12
n00bee : I had a very similar experience with my first baby, it can be incredibly difficult. I too wish I had seen a counselor earlier because I’m sure starting out with the fear and what I saw as failure of the birth contributed to my postpartum depression.
But look at it this way: you will have a whole lifetime of experiences, good and bad, with your child. This is currently the only experience you have of being a mother, of course it’s rocky. But this is nowhere near the most important. My little one is 5 now and I’m so proud of our relationship- how he came into this world doesn’t take a thing away from that. In fact, I’ve reframed it in my head so now I think: even then I fought for him. From the very beginning I loved him so much that I would do whatever it took to make sure he was ok. I wasn’t weak! I was strong and brave and so were you.
For what it’s worth I had a scheduled c section with my next little and felt great about it. I healed quickly and she was just as born as her brother, I had just found a way to stop tying it to my worth as a mother. Something to think about.
Post # 13
Daisy_Mae : zenith : saratiara2 : Kannon : Kannon : RedWine13 : pink.lemonade : catmom17 : Kemma : MsPlucky : pond : hollandaisey :
I’m really overwhelmed by everyone’s kind, thoughtful responses and advice. Thank you all so much, it helped a lot today to read your responses. I’ll try to take this all to heart. And I will definitely talk to my doula about support for this.
I don’t know anyone IRL who’s had a similar experience and most people just say “all that matters is healthy baby!” I keep re-living how excited I was when they said it was time to push and then how it all came crashing down.
I hope I’ll feel better in a couple weeks when I’m able to move around better and my hormones (hopefully) even out.
Post # 14
hn00bee : healthy baby AND healthy momma! Sometimes people forget about mom’s health when they get excited about the baby
Post # 15
As a c section mom of two (one emergency, one schedule), I totally hear you. I had a tough time bonding with my son (he’s the emergency), and I was a little disappointed in the way things had panned out (I thought I’d be doing an all natural vaginal not a 1am emergency evacuation!)- but I can tell you, it does get better. Day by day- you’ll feel better, your be closer to your new normal as a new mom, and in a month or a couple of months, you will have forgotten all about this. I promise. Also, don’t worry right now about your next birth. Concentrate on your new baby and on your own self care- heal that fantastic body that grew a human for 10 months!
That aside, I had some pretty nasty postpartum so keep talking about how you’re feeling and know you’re not alone- and if you’re still feeling glum after a couple of weeks- make sure you talk to your doc. It’s not worth feeling poorly over if you can help it!