Struggling after c section :(

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 16
Member
9397 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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n00bee :  I didn’t have a C-section, but I had a rough L&D (43 hours start to finish, induction, failed epidural, back labor) and after LO was born, my head/neck/shoulders were shot for several weeks and I had a catheter for a little over 2 weeks. Like you, I felt horrible and especially horrible that my husband had to take care of both me and baby. I have never felt so low as I did in those couple weeks before the catheter came out. I feel awful saying that, because I had a brand new beautiful baby boy in my arms, but it’s true. 

And you may be tearing up over vaginal birth videos, well, worry not! I bawled just at the sight of random things in our nursery because it would take me back to the time when I was pregnant, feeling great, sleeping 8+ hours a night, and excitedly setting everything up with my husband. 

I still see pics of friends who recently gave birth, just looking like rosy cheeked princesses in their hospital beds, and think back to me looking (and feeling) like death and wish I could’ve had an experience more like theirs, but it is what it is. We all have our own stories in life.

You are in the absolute thick of it right now—and as PPs said, it 1000000% gets better. And if it isn’t getting better, that is okay too: seek help wherever you can find it. Cry. Talk. Feel everything without shame. It’s a crazy time and hormones are nuts.

Oh and also, I too said things like, “It was all worth it because I ended up with my perfect baby!” in the beginning, but I realize now that I didn’t truly feel it or believe it until a couple months ago, when his incredibly sweet personality started shining (LO is 5 months now).

Thinking of you and sending love to you and your baby girl! ❤️

Post # 18
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9397 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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n00bee :  I promise, after getting it out, you will feel LOADS better. I mean, that thing is, quite literally, a ball and chain. You will feel so much more free and so much more yourself. Best of luck and chin up, buttercup!!! xoxo

Post # 19
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I can definitely relate. I promise it gets better. I had pre-e and had to get induced at 36 weeks. After 24+ hours of induction, nothing was working. They cranked my pitocin up and I finally started progressing. Got to 4-5 CM and called for my epidural. They ended up putting my epidural in too far into my spine. I passed out, coded and they couldn’t wake me back up. I ended up having to have an emergency c-section and I wasn’t even awake when my son was born. I woke up 2 hours later in the ICU. My son was in the NICU so I didn’t get to see him until a few hours later. He ended up staying in the NICU for 2 weeks. (My son is now healthy and happy and turns 4 on Thursday!)

It was super tramatic and scary. C-section recovery is rough. But I promise it gets better. Enjoy your new baby and try to move on from the trama. Be thankful you have a healthy little one. 

 

Post # 20
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry you are struggling.  Don’t underestimate the power of your hormones right now – I’m sure they are making everything harder and making you much more emotional.  Also, PPD is a very real thing so be sure to stay in touch with your health providers and let them know how you’re feeling.

For what it’s worth, I am one of those people that had a vag. delivery and probably looked happy and perfect in pics afterwards, but I tore BADLY and the recovery from that was no picnic either.  It took over a year before I could have sex without extreme pain.  Everything healed eventually thankfully, but my point is that no matter which way you give birth, there are often unpleasant physical consequences so there’s no guarantee that a vag. delivery would have been the experience you expected either.  Fortunately these things usually pass, though, and we get our beautiful babies as rewards 🙂  

Hang in there!

Post # 21
Member
10221 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

If it makes you feel any better I had a vaginal birth and was also doped up the first time I met my baby so you aren’t alone. I actually didn’t even know when she came out and instead of it being a happy sweet moment the first thing out of my mouth was “Ew it’s slimey!”. Not how I pictured things as you can imagine. 

PPs have given lots of great advice I just wanted to say to be kind to yourself. I remember how crazy I felt those first few weeks when I still had all the hormones in me and it made everything feel a million times worse than they really are. Hopefully in a few weeks you will start to feel a little better! 

Post # 23
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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n00bee :  feel better soon. sending so much love to you…and congrats on your baby! XO

Post # 24
Member
3178 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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n00bee :  where are you based. In the UK they offer a service where you can talk through your birth with a midwife. They can help you to make sense of what happened and also offer some counselling to help you process it all.

remeber you are a bag of hormones at the moment and things will get better. The important thing is to talk about how you’re feeling. 

Post # 25
Member
3252 posts
Sugar bee

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n00bee :  I had a spinal headache from my epidural, and I barely remember the first 4 days of my son’s life. I couldn’t look at him while attempting to figure out how to nurse, I couldn’t hold him, I could barely sit up. The only reason I ate is because my husband was feeding me. My little guy was in the hospital for a week under the bilirubin lights, and we could hardly hold him. What I do remember was very painful… I felt like a failure. He was early and little, he wasn’t thriving, and I couldn’t care for him. He’s made up for lost time now, but it still hurts when I think about it. I felt so helpless when he needed me most – ahh motherhood.

Very few people have a perfect birth story and even fewer have one that followed any sort of idea they had about it. I certainly didn’t expect to have my baby 3 weeks early, get stuck for 1.5 hours, him to be whisked away because he wasn’t breathing great (didn’t stop, but had sticky lungs), and then have a spinal headache for 4 days before someone FINALLY called the anesthesiologist and I got a blood patch. 

All that to say, it’s hard, it’s traumatic, and it’s scary. But the hormones do settle down, and your body heals, and it becomes a bit blurry. You’ll remember your story, but the intensity goes away. I can talk about it now without feeling it all over again, and it’s been almost 7 months. And my little guy has almost quadrupled his birth weight, is growing like crazy, and no one would ever be able to tell he was “a preemie.” (I put preemie in quotes because he’s only a preemie by 8 hours, but was still classified as such. Nothing like other preemies I know. Sometimes I feel like it takes away from “true” preemies to call him one. If we lived in Europe, he would have been full term 🤷🏻‍♀️).

Hang in there and be kind to yourself. You’ve got this!

Post # 26
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Societal obsession with vaginal/natural/sea turtle births is just that- societal obsession.  We also once fetishized bloodletting.  I had some pretty nasty comments made to me about my c-section and how I “gave in” and let them do it.  Nope, I own the fact that i was sick of being in labor and my daughter was in the wrong position and I’m glad I did to this day.  I never was going to be an all natural mom, and my daughter and I are super close and bonded and we love each other and everyone else can go on and keep going on about how great they are.  

 

I have a sister in law who insists that I’m the devil bc i had a c-section.  I can’t wait to get pregnant, schedule the next one, and dare her to say something.  

 

Own it.  You had a baby.  It doesn’t matter how that baby came out.  Trust me, once the kids are more than a few weeks old, zero people will ask about your delivery.  Enjoy your kid and f* The haters!

Post # 27
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh and my post is not meant to be belittling in any way.  I struggled with some of these thoughts as well, mostly because everyone else had their natural birth and ya la it da.  I never dilated at all, so I had hours to come to terms with an elective c-section.  I was lucky and everything went smoothly and I had no injuries and was back to myself in 3 weeks.  All that said – please whatever you feel or do and whatever help you get – know that if anyone judges you that says more about them than about you…and please don’t judge yourself!

Post # 29
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

I had a very similar experience 5 months ago – induction/pitocin and emergency c-section. I was devastated – as they wheeled me to the operation room I was crying. I wanted a natural experience, ha! 

My Mother-In-Law hugged me when they visited in the hospital and told me I should have walked more when I was pregnant – b*tch. I’m still resentful about that comment as I felt like sh*t.

I felt like I failed and my husband didn’t “get it” – he would say “but she’s healthy and that’s what matters” but I just felt disappointed in myself. I’m still upset about it, but less. 

Sorry if this isn’t making you feel better but know that you are not alone in your feelings. Also, we had our baby go though Craniosacral therapy – it was only two sessions, very mild touching of her head and roof of her mouth – but after reading a lot about c-sections and traumatic birth experiences for the babies I felt like we needed to do this (I felt very guilty that she wasn’t born vaginally). 

She was a very agitated baby – our friend gave birth 2 weeks after I did, vaginal birth and her baby would lie calmly whilst mine would shrike – she was always hyper, very stressed, she would go from zero to a hundred with her crying (since day 1). The sessions helped greatly, we went when she was 3 months old and there was an improvement immediately, she’s 5 months old now and a lot calmer. 

I’ve also heard that osteopaths can help too. So if you’re worried that your baby cries more than other babies, or is more agitated I really recommend going to therapy. 

 

Post # 30
Member
577 posts
Busy bee

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You need to help now. Congratulations on your baby. I’ve had three C-sections and I will tell you the second and third were better than the first.

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