(Closed) Struggling every step of the way. Call it off? I'm so upset.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@skippydarling:  What were his expectations when he proposed? Does he want to get married next year or is this his way of pushing it further?

Post # 4
3943 posts
Honey bee

@skippydarling:  He just has the major guilties for spending her money.  Which, really, is nice but it’s none of his business.

Well, actually it is his business. It’s his wedding too and some people just dont like taking money or having others pay for things. You two need to come to some sort of compromise. Maybe sit down and create a budget for things, and make a plan to contribute some money to certain areas. Maybe that will help him feel better about things.

Post # 6
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree with @Bostongrl25:  Everyone’s expectations for a wedding is different. He sounds like he either doesn’t want this more formal affair or he is not happy with your parents paying for it. Either way, you need to sit down, budget everything else, and make a priority list. What are your “must-haves” an the prices on it? And what are his “must-haves” and the prices? Then start compromising. 

You shouldn’t call off a marriage because you both do not want the same wedding. That’s silly. But you should be able to speak honestly about what each other wants on such an important day. 

Post # 8
1286 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like he needs to be educated on planning a wedding.  Men typically know NOTHING about wedding planning.  You are just going to have to sit down with him and explain things to him, nicely.  My FI had no clue that flowers were involved in weddings.  I’d sugget going and booking things and planning it and telling him that this is what you  HAVE to do.  Get articles for him to read. Get people that have been married before to speak to him.  

Yes, I agree, from being a wedding photographer, DJ’s are needed for big weddings.  iPods are good for small weddings. So I can see his point on that.  Our weddding venue is DIY, so, we are going with an iPod, but if we had it at a venue, where it wasn’t a DIY, then, yes, I’d go with a DJ.  

Photograher, I am one, so I know the importance of pictures, FI is one too.

Officiant, If you are getting married in a church or having a fairly descent sized wedding party and doing the traditional ceremony – then yes, a rehearsal is necessary.  We, however, are not doing one and it’s not necessary. There is just a best mand and MOH, and no church. 

Plain and simple.  Men.Are.Clueless  about weddings!!  


Post # 10
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@skippydarling:  So… what does he want? Like, does he prefer that you serve a certain food, play a different kind of music, get married at a different church?

He gets a say too, even though I agree that you should prioritiize the photographer and officiant. Maybe agree to do the Ipod DJ if he lets you have the photographer. 

Either way, you are going to argue. I have a very involved FI and we have spent all this week arguing over what song I am walking down the aisle to. Seriously. We have argued over cakes vs. cupcakes, two photographers vs. one, how much money to tip our waitstaff, what kind of scotch to stock the bar with, if we want table linnens, and if our DOC was necessary. Believe me- fighting over this stuff is totally normal when money and vision are involved. 

Post # 12
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i actually agree that you don’t need a rehearsal. we didn’t have one for mine and everything went great.  i just went to my SIL’s wedding and the rehearsal was basically not needed either.


that being said, it sounds like you two need to sit down and come to an agreement on what you both want as a couple

Post # 13
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

We plan on doing the DJ method your FI wants and we have a “actual” venue. The venue we have will be responsible for set up and tear down, and some places come with a “day of” coordinator

Post # 14
2895 posts
Sugar bee

Dear Bee,

I think you need to sit down with your man and discuss together what are your top 3 of things you absolutely want for the wedding (those will be what you expect to spend the most money on and don’t want to compromise about), and what are the things you both think are less important and ready to compromise about. This will help you settle your priorities.

I personnaly won’t have a DJ and I will not not have a rehearsal, and no coordinator either. It wasn’t our priorities, but we discussed them beforehand. But I understand it can be something very important to you. Does your fiancé know ? And who pays ? If it’s you two, can you afford it ? Etc.

I’m sure this little exercise will help you and your fiancé to find middle ground, and have a concrete budget. Plus, sometimes it’s hard for men to visualize what it’s like if they don’t have the budget, the costs, etc. Try it : write down your list and work from there.  

Post # 15
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@skippydarling:  Would he be comfortable if a friend performed the ceremony instead? My fiance also thought it was stupid to pay someone we didn’t know when we could ask a friend instead. All he had to do was get a certificate online! It saved us several hundreds. 

Also, I was a former wedding DJ when I was in college. I can tell you that if you have under 100 people at your wedding, you do not necessarily need one. How does he feel about a band instead? 

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