- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014
I wonder if anyone else can relate to this situation. If so how did you deal with it? What did you do?
My situation is this:
I am getting married in 3 weeks, I am marrying the man of my dreams, my best friend and this is the happiest time of my life… sometimes.
As soon as I was engaged (10 months ago) I asked my best/long-time girlfriend to be my Maid of Honour. She is the only person I asked, she’s like a sister to me and there was no one else I wanted more to stand by my side on this special day. She obviously felt the same way and accepted with gusto. At the time I asked her she was just about to give birth to her second child.
Over the course of the last 10 months of wedding planning we seem to have this chasm growing between us. I can feel it, I know she can feel it too but neither of us want to talk about it. There have been numerous things that have happened that have disappointed me but I’ve let them go for fear of her walking away. We both lead VERY different lives and the past seems to be all that is keeping our friendship together at the moment. The biggest difference in our lives is that she has children and I don’t. I am made to feel like I am a failure because I decided to wait to have children, she often looks down on me and says things like, “you can’t comment until you have children”, since when did having children define a woman’s life?!
When I initially asked her to be my MoH she was really excited that she would get a night away from her children (especially since from the start I had stipulated that I didn’t want ANY children at my wedding). As time went on she was less excited and even talked about bringing her children to my wedding when I specifically asked her not to. I said nothing so as to not cause an argument. I understand that she is still breast feeding her 10 month old and that she will need to excuse herself a few times during the day to feed her – that’s not an issue. We’ve been for our trials and she was VERY passive-aggressive to my vendors (who are friends of mine from a different circle), I said nothing to her so as to not piss her off and apologised to them profusely behind her back.
Today she tells me that her family comes first and I appreciate that and I agree that’s the way it should be. During this process I haven’t asked for her to stop putting her family first or asked her to do more than is expected. In fact throughout the planning of my wedding I have done majority of the things myself to save her time; including finding and paying for her dress, alterations to her dress (when she told me a month out from the wedding it didn’t fit her), jewellery etc. (things Bride’s usually don’t pay for) because I know that she isn’t working and they just bought a new house. The only thing I asked her to concentrate on was planning my Hen’s night. Imagine my surprise when half way through my Hen’s night celebrations I found out that my MoH hadn’t planned a thing, one of my other close friends had. Still I said nothing.
The only thing that has made me emotional through this whole wedding planning is my MoH, her lack of understanding, her lack of enthusiasm and passive-aggressive attitude. Now when I say emotional I mean uncontrollable sobbing (completely out of my nature). I feel I am holding all of this sadness and resentment inside of me because she is my oldest friend and I need her there with me on the day (even though she could make it harder for me). Sometimes I think that after the wedding things will calm down and our friendship will get back to normal, sometimes I think our friendship can’t survive the fact that she has children and I don’t. I have this constant knot in my stomach and although I am thoroughly over the moon excited about marrying the man of my dreams, every time I think about this situation I get so down in the dumps. I have enough things on my mind at the moment and I just don’t know what to do. Do I:
a) Talk to her; or
b) Wait to see what will happen after the craziness of the wedding
Has anyone else had a similar situation? If so what did you do, how did you handle this?