(Closed) Struggling friendship – emotional Bride with 3 weeks to go

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Longtimewait21: sorry you are going through this. I would have had a hard time with the don’t comment if you don’t have children comment. Because it would have been “ok don’t talk to me about children if you don’t want my comments”. I think it would be kind of shitty to offload all these situations that were upsetting. I do think you need to talk to her though because as much as you worry about her not being there- you are still being affected by this and maybe you guys could talk and there wouldn’t be this tension. You could always say something like “i feel like there is this tension between us. Did I do something that bothered yoU or do you have things going on?”

Post # 3
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Longtimewait21:  You can’t really control what other people do- how they act, their excitement levels.

My friend whom I’ve known since I was 3- really put some stress on me (though I don’t know if she even knows!)– when I was planning my wedding.  She was pregnant, and already had a 1 year old.

I understood that she wasn’t feeling well- as I have a six year old– so I had been pregnant.

Part of me was silently resentful– I just needed her to choose her dress and order it– part of me tried to be understanding– but truly, you don’t understand things unless you’re in someone else’s shoes- no matter how hard you try.

There are parts about your post that are vague– like why did she say don’t comment unless you have kids?  I know that sounds annoying to hear– but there are some things that people who don’t have kids just simply don’t understand.  Like the no kids at weddings– before I had my own kid, I would have been like “yeah- no kids!”  But now I have a greater understanding as to why parents don’t want to leave thier young baby, or breastfed baby with a sitter unless they absolutely have to– and weddings just don’t fall into that category for most people.


Also- why did she make the comment “family comes first”– was it during a conversation that you were requesting something from her? Or??  

She likely didn’t know how having two children would be for her when she accepted her position as Maid/Matron of Honor.  


Weddings are tricky.  Brides are like “this is MY day- it’s my once-in-a-lifetime-day”.  Understandable- to the bride and groom.  But other people still have work/family/kids/life–  and it’s hard to disrupt that a times– even for a good friend- when it means re-arranging your broader priorities.

Some people would happily do it, others have a harder time.


If you’re going to have a general conversation about your friendship, wait until after the wedding.  It seems like both of you have a lot going on– and your conversation might be lessed strained after all these big events are over.


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