Struggling mentally post-wedding

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
88 posts
Worker bee

I looked at the photos and can see how you were disappointed with your hair, but your wedding overall looks like it was wonderful.  I’ll tell you that I rarely look at my wedding photos after 19 years.  Pick the good ones and display them, and don’t sweat the not so great ones.  Imperfection is also beautiful.  Hope you feel better soon.

My wedding tragedy is that my dad passed away a month before I married.  I still had an overall great day.  One of my favorite photos is one where I had just put lipstick on, and I didn’t know this, I had kissed my husband and there is lipstick on his face.  I didn’t even notice it in the photo because I think we both look happy.  

Photos are really small stuff, they are!  Hang in there.  I was very stressed about my wedding photos and if I had to to it again, I would have gotten fewer photos and spent less, we really never look at them.  Now it’s all digital and different, but pick your favorites and enjoy.  

Post # 49
647 posts
Busy bee

I don’t mean to be insenstive, but from your update, I think it’s a little bit unfair to have the hair issue affect your view of the people closest to you and your vendors.

Unless all of your bridesmaids are hairdressers, what were they going to do? Tell you that it needs to be fixed but not have the ability or even the tools to actually make it better? Or do they tell you you look beautiful and hope that it makes you have a great day?

Post # 51
8259 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

underice :  

It  is true that your hair looked better  before than after , but you are still a seriously attractive person and your dress and overall look is great . Can you not photoshop the messy bit of hair at  the side ? That’s all it is.

Then STOP IT , OK !!??? lol  

Post # 53
1305 posts
Bumble bee

underice :  I’m really going to sound insensitive, but you truly need to stop this pity party before it starts to damage your marriage.  I’m not being dramatic, but if I can detect your tone through your posts, I can only imagine how you are coming across in person.  This isn’t healthy!

Let’s put things in perspective.  You wanted an outdoor ceremony.  I’m assuming you live in a nice climate because your wedding was in December.  An unexpected storm came up – this kind of stuff happens all.the.time. – in real life too.  That’s just kind of the luck of the draw.

You picked a hair style that honestly, looks like even without being windblown, would have been difficult to maintain the entire day.  When I went for my hair trial, I went to my stylist, who knew my hair as I had gone to her for a while.  We talked a lot and worked with my hair, not try to do something completely different that I knew my hair wouldn’t want to do.  My stylist said she sees too many brides try to recreate styles that aren’t going to work with their hair texture or type then are disappointed when the finished style doesn’t live up to their expectations.  Many of my friends had styles that fell throughout the day.  The only kind of styles that I’ve seen stay are severely pulled back buns or french twists.  There are tons of threads about brides who hated the way their hair looked later in the evening, but it didn’t let it ruin their memories of their day.

I really was surprised at how heavy my makeup was.  My MUA said it needed to be for pictures.  I vividly remember my husband giving me a weird look when he saw me for the first time and he never told me that day that I looked beautiful.  I had several people that did (not trying to humblebrag) but he was the one person that I wanted to hear it from.  I told him later how I felt and he said he was just surprised I had so much makeup on as he didn’t expect it.  He didn’t even kiss me on the lips because he was afraid of smearing my lipstick.  He felt terrible about it.  We just got our professional pictures back and my MUA was right.  My husband commented on how gorgeous I look in the pictures, and now he feels even worse about not saying anything that day.  My point is I didn’t dwell on it and I certainly didn’t let it affect my marriage.  I posted about it when it happened, not nearly 2 months later.

I’ve known brides that had blood on their dresses, have had family members get sick at their weddings and one where the bakery didn’t even bring their wedding cake.  If your hair is truly the worst thing that happened (and I honestly do not think it looks tha bad) that really consider yourself lucky.  You’ve vented, twice now.  Now put it behind you.

Post # 54
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I haven’t  read all of the comments, but I’m really sorry this happened. I am obsessed with my hair, and this is my worst nightmare. I’ve already talked to my photographer about how I want my hair to look. (Basically like a giant curly Afro, and I’m worried after a few hours it’ll start losing its volume.) He said that if my hair didn’t have the desired volume I’m looking for that he can photo shop it. I’ve photo-shopped my hair before to look better, so I know it’s possible and his reassurance has made me feel a lot better. Do you think it would be possible for your photographer to fix some of the pictures you like except for your hair? Even if you had to pay them extra it sounds like it would worth it to you. Hang in there, Bee! I’m sure you can find a solution 🙂

Post # 57
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

baunie :  Thanks i have a friend who is a photographer maybe I’ll ask if she can help, great idea 

Post # 58
1305 posts
Bumble bee

underice :  Oh my bad, I thought you had written that you had an outdoor ceremony.  My point is that sometimes we have such grand expectations that are impossible to live up to, especially when it comes to weddings.  You (in general) spend a lot of time and money planning the “perfect” day that it can be heartbreaking when something goes wrong.  In my case, time definitely did help.  I’m not to the point where I can laugh about it, but I’m not obsessing about it anymore, and it sounds like you’re at the point where you’re still obsessing.  When I was younger, my mom used to tell me whenever I had trouble letting something go I had to mentally think of whatever it was and putting it in a big bubble.  Then I would release the bubble and it would float away, taking all the bad feelings with it.  I realize it sounds so cheesy, but I still sometimes do that to this day.

Post # 59
941 posts
Busy bee

underice :  The focus on wedding photos is new with today’s day and age and how we use social media.  I know how silly you must feel about being obsessed over the pictures, and I can tell you wish that you weren’t hyperfocusing on the photos. I love the part where you said something along the lines of looking at pictures that weren’t perfect made you think of how you were having too much fun to care about the details.  I think that’s what you need to focus on- the memories and the fun, not the pictures.  If you find yourself focusing on the pictures, maybe you should remove them from your computer or phone.  Put them on a harddrive, and keep them safe, but don’t look at them often.  Try not to let so-so pictures taint the love and happiness you felt on your wedding day. 

Post # 60
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018
  • underice :  You are absolutely gorgeous! Yes I agree your hair could of used some fixing but if you didn’t point it out I probably wouldn’t even really notice because your your so beautiful. Try not to stress out about because your pictures look great!
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