Post # 121
Your boyfriend is not perfect and neither are you, so it might help to get off your high horse. Why torture yourself with needless insecurity about your boyfriend’s past? He is with you now! If you are this judgmental then I am not surprised that he didn’t tell you these things before.
This is why I believe that no good can come from learning what your partner’s “number” is. I have had far more sexual partners than my husband and guess what? HE DOESN’T CARE. All he cares about is my fidelity to him and whether or not I have any STIs.
What will happen when your child makes mistakes? Are you going to hold them against him/her too?
Post # 122
You either accept he has a past, a different sort of one to you but not an absolutely horrific one to be honest, or you don’t be with him. Everyone has things they don’t like about their pasts so either accept the person he is today or find someone you won’t be so judgemental towards.
Post # 123
PositiveThinking: I am really not as concerned with his number of sexual partners as much anymore, nor at the fact that he had cheated on one of his exes. I am not exactly sure as to why it seems to have come across that I am all high and mighty, because in all honesty, I am not.
I am struggling with the previous pregnancy. Like I said before, it was just an overload of things that I was not prepared for. Plus, we had been newly dating when many of these things came to light. I know that the previous pregnancy was an accident and that the abortion was obviously not his decision to make. It was hers. It was just hard, now that I am pregnant, to not think about how he had been pregnant previously before. Whether he thought it was his or not.
I am not trying to be judgemental, full of myself, etc. I just wanted friendly advice on how to deal with these thoughts and emotions before I am able to see a counselor. I love him, and he accepts me for me and I want to do the same for him. Especially now that was have a precious baby on the way, I want to try and make things work between us.
As for a baby, when he/she does make mistakes I will not hold it against them. If there are to be consequences, we will either handle them appropriately or the natural consequences of the actions will also take care of that.
Post # 124
Tappity1: Yes, I understand that. I realize that on some things, I felt I was being a little irrational on. Not that it is an excuse, but I Pretty new at relationships and dating. Between my two boyfriends, they are complete opposites. So, I went one from one extreme to another with no experience in between. Granted, my first boyfriend was a year younger and my current boyfriend is two years older than me.
In all honesty, I can get over the fact that he has slept with 13 girlfriend’s and I can also get over the fact that he had cheated once in a prior relationship. The hardest one I am facing now is the previous pregnancy that ended in her aborting it. I know it isn’t something I should really hold over his head since he doesn’t have much of a say when it comes to that situation. I guess it was the fact that it happened. That he could have been a father four years ago, but she made the decision to abort it because she already had a kid with someone else and she was worried about how it would look to other people if she had another kid I guess by someone else.
I am really not trying to come across as judgemental or rude, I just wanted some advice on how to cope or silence these negative thoughts. I don’t want to think badly about my boyfriend. I hate when I have negative thoughts towards him about his past. We are having a baby in April and I would like to have these issues under control before then.
Post # 125
XOSMarieOX: Just a suggestion, could the fact you’re pregnant be the reason you’re getting so upset over these things anyway? Hormones can be a bitch, so maybe you’re over thinking everything because you’re so full of hormones right now.
Post # 126
Tappity1: It is quite possible. However, many of these issues arose when I was out of town in a different state 20 hours away. I was gone for a total of a month. Three weeks in May/June and another was for a week in July when my uncle passed away. Honestly, at first, the only thing that really bothered me about his past was that he had slept with 13 girls… later on it became both that and that he cheated… now, those other two issues seem to be less of issues for me and now it is mainly the previous pregnancy that bothers me. Why? I mean, there are a few different reasons, but sometimes even I don’t know why is let bothers me. I can’t tell if it bothers me more that there is a possibility that he got someone else pregnant and it could have been his or the fact that it was aborted even though he had no say in the matter?
Being pregnant I think definitely made this more of an issue than if I hadn’t gotten pregnant.