Struggling over Husband’s Sexual Past

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have a dear friend having similar issues to what you’re dealing with and the best thing she has been able to do is go see someone professionally.  Usually it’s not just that person and what’s happening that’s bothing the person, but something else underlying, plus a bunch of little things adding up.

My honest suggestion would be to find someone pro to talk to.  Start out on your own, take time to work on yourself, and then bring your hubby into the picture if he’s willing to do it for you.

Post # 4
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You really need to talk to a counselor. It’s not your fault you are feeling this way, and I’m so sorry! I was like this about one of my ex boyfriends in the past…I felt very insecure because he was my first. I had to do a lot of talking with him and here it all…I was obsessed with knowing EVERY detail. After I got the honest truth (and all of it), it still upset me. I had to talk to someone professionally about my insecurities and how to solve my problems. The relationship wasn’t worth saving, but i am sure your marriage is! Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

yum honey he married you not those other 8 women….that alone should say everything….

besides did you have others before him???

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think you need a counselor. You have some deep issues with insecurity and jealousness that maybe a professional can help sort out. It’ll be ok, but you need to address it or it’ll eat you up.

Post # 7
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

I think that seeing a counselor is a good idea too.  First, I want to validate your feelings.  And, I think you should keep in mind that your husband chose you to be his wife and lifelong partner.  It is you that he is intimate with.  Many men have had partners for sex and when you think of it as a physical need it may work better for you.  But you are his intimate partner–both inside the bedroom and in all other areas of his life.  There is no comparison.  You need to work out these feelings, and seeing a counselor can help you do that.  I wish you all the best.

Post # 8
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree with the others that seeing a counselor could really help.  I have dealt with this sort of thing a little bit but the situation is pretty different so just time helped me come to terms.  I hope things turn around for you.  That’s a pretty heavy load to carry around.

Post # 9
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yes I agree you need to resolve this through therapy-this doesn’t sound normal or healthy.

Post # 10
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I have a couple of questions.  1) How long have you and your husband been together?  2) Do you have any sexual partners other than your husband?  It’s possible that counseling might help you, but it might also just take some time.  ((HUGS))

Post # 12
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

Aw, I don’t think this is so out of left field.  I struggled with this myself – but we have had years together for me to resolve it.  I talked to someone for a while, and that did help.  Time helps the most, I think.  Putting a kibosh on those conversations is the best idea, and with time, those other experiences will further and further away.  The most most important thing to remember is that he married you, loves you, and you are the only “experience” that matters now and into the future.

Post # 13
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

@InsecureWife: I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  The reason I asked is because I also struggled with a certain amount of insecurity because I was not my husband’s first, but he was mine.  I don’t remember exactly when I got over it, and I know that there were a few times that I was really upset about it, but now, 6 years later, I don’t even think about it.  Doesn’t cross my mind.  That other partner is a blip on his radar, it obviously wasn’t what he wanted or he wouldn’t have ended the relationship, and here he is, married to me and going to bed with me every night.  So, if this is seriously negatively affecting your relationship, you should possibly talk to someone.  But keep in mind that part of what you need here is time.  It will get better!

Post # 14
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

awww sorry you are feeling this way. I do get mad sometimes when I think about my partners past girlfriends – particularly one ex who is friends with some of his friends and we see occasionally. I try not to think about it – and I always remind myself that they weren’t together very long and he has chosen me as his partner.

I would suggest seeing someone though to talk to about it – because it seems to be upsetting you quite a bit.

Post # 15
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Yes, you may need a little help to get over this and you should strive for that. What is in the past is in the past and he married you. He can not change his past and unless his present behavior is unacceptable, it really is your perception that is driving you nuts. If it makes you feel any better, I have had WAY more partners than your husband and I feel my previous relationships have no effect on my marriage what-so-ever. I honestly do not even think of my previous sexual partners at all.

Post # 16
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee

I glade to see that you taking other PP advice and seeing professional help.  Please let us know how it’s going for  you.

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