(Closed) Struggling to get over a ruined wedding

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

Yeah boyfriends mum is horrific so I complexity understand where you’re coming from, I decided to just continue to be civil to her. Mostly because my mother would be appalled if I behaved the way she did, I feel like being the bigger person allows me to have a better stance when she’s being really unreasonable. 

Post # 3
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. You’ve set a boundary that you do not want a relationship with her, so just keep it moving. Just because she’s your mother-in-law does not mean you need to “repair” something that you didn’t break. You can’t fix a relationship with someone if they refuse to take responsibility for anything.

She will likely never understand why you don’t want a relationship with her, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong.

Post # 4
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee

You don’t need to have a relationship with her. She definitely shouldn’t be around your child, ever.

Post # 6
Member
2794 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

You and your child(ren) can and should be off the table – let your husband go to family gatherings, as it seems you do, but there’s no reason for you and the kids to be exposed to this abuse.

Post # 7
Member
7131 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

“I want to know if we can repair our relationship.”

“Nope. I’m pretty much just waiting for you to die.”

(I know you said nothing like this. I just imagined how satisfying it would be to say something like this to someone so terrible.)

“Take me out to dinner.” (?! What?!)

Um- she is nutso. I hope your husband really really really appreciates you because you are an extraordinarily patient woman. 15 years his mother has been disrespecting you and your relationship and you still married him. He better act right for all of his days.

If the rest of his family isn’t terrible, I think in addition to you staying away from her, you should explicitly make your home completely off limits to her and have events where you invite others over but she may not attend. That way you still get to have relationships with other people who love your husband. She seems to have made your interactions with her (and a lot of other people) an all out war. In those situations I think it’s perfectly justified to make brick wall boundaries that keep people out.

15 years attempting to make nice with her is way more than enough for one lifetime.

Post # 9
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

“You stand up for your wife too much.”

That is the best Crazy Bitch line I’ve read so far on the Bee–and that’s saying a lot! Good for you for cutting this toxic shrew out of your lives! 

Post # 10
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I cut Mother-In-Law off but she still is close with fiance and our kids… just ignore her, be polite for the odd breif instance you see her but dont engage her and keep your distance

Post # 11
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

I have no real advice except that she wouldn’t have me or my kid around her vitriol ever again.

And sidenote – I hate alcohol and what it does to people. Blech.

Post # 12
Member
15 posts
Newbee

View original reply
shootingstar21214 :  At least your husband stands up for you and is aware of how she is. My husband just comes up with excuses and when his mum kept trying to get as much attention from my wedding as possible and tried changing the things I wanted, he just kept coming up with excuses for her. The only person who confirmed what I am experiencing is my husband’s Brother-In-Law as he had the same experience when he married their sister. He told me to just let it go because it’s not worth it. He’s right but I have a hard time with the fact that my husband frequently has taken her side and in one instance made things worse. We still fight about this all the time and I need to get over it and move on or its going to kill this marriage. My husband is an amazing person…but just refuses to admit his mom is quite frankly a controlling passive agro bitch. 

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