- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I’m really struggling with whether or not to have a bridal party. I’ll tell you the reasons I dont want to do it:
1. My sister – who I would want to be Maid/Matron of Honor because she’s my sister – is 38 and single and even if she wasn’t, probably wouldn’t be the type to want the role at all. She wrote me an email the other day after I shared a venue choice with her and my mother and said something along the lines of, “please leave me out of any bridesmaids duties” with a smiley face. I haven’t mentioned a THING to ANYONE about anything at all so I was pretty hurt that she initiated the conversation in this way.
2. My two closest friends – also single. We’re not 22, we’ll be 30 by then so it’s a more sensitive issue. It’s an ESPECIALLY sensitive issue with one of them.
3. Read: TWO close friends – who would be the Maid/Matron of Honor if my sister doesn’t want the job? I guess I could just have no Maid/Matron of Honor at all.
4. I’ve heard nothing but complaints from bridesmaids about all the costs and responsibilities associated with being in a wedding. I have only one friend who is always happy to be involved even though she’s broke.
5. I dont want to pay for their dresses and hair and make up and I dont want to ask them to pay for it!
6. One of the above mentioned close friends does not get along with my Fiance. At this point it’s mostly him holding a grudge from a conflict from YEARS ago. I’ve asked him a million times, in every possible tone, to get the f over it but he won’t. It’s a long story but he feels that my asking him to swallow what happened is offensive. I of course feel that him holding a grudge is offensive to me since I’ve known her since childhood but it’s at a stalemate and that’s not going to change.
7. I dont have a cohesive group at all. Every close friend of mine is an individual friend so its like not a group that will have fun doing things together. It wouldn’t be tense or anything but they’re just not a group of girls who happen to be friends with each other
8. I know a lot of people won’t agree but I feel like dressing up a bunch of grown women in matching outfits is childish and weird
9. I live abroad so it’s not like I can have a shower or bachlorette party or anything ANYWAY
10. This is not a real consideration but still SOMETHING – a couple of the bridesmaids, let’s say 3 of 5 are plus sized. I dont really want to stress them out with dress stuff!
11. Part of the reason I hired a wedding planner is because I dont really feel comfortable asking anyone to do anything for me. My Fiance thinks I have some mental ISSUE with this. As I type all this out.. .maybe he’s right.
My fiance, on the other hands, wants groomsmen. He has a closeknit group who would all be happy to be involved. They’d have lots of fun together and it’s just a much less emotional, negative thing for him. He also think that pictures will look nice. My close friend with whom my Fiance doesn’t get along also said she’ll be upset if she’s not a bridesmaid.
What do you bees think? I think I can still ask my close friends to dress up a little more formally and if it’s in my budget, can pay to have their hair done with me before the wedding. They’ll be part of pictures and I want them to get ready with me before the wedding but I feel like once I give someone the title of bridesmaid, it just turns into something ugly.
Was this a struggle for anyone else or did it just seem obvious to you to have a wedding party?? I dont know why but it’s just such an upsetting issue for me.