Post # 1
My Fiance has decided to have 5 groomsmen. I thought i would have no problem with 5 girls, and i didnt initially. These are the girls i have known the longest and intend to be friends with forever. Now i am struggling with one of them. I have known her for 10 years, we were friends in highschool and then became close friends in college. I honestly have always adored her and i really do think she is a beautiful person.
However, she started dating her boyfriend 2 years ago and has completely changed. A girl who used to love watching the Hills, shopping and going out with her girlfriends, is now big into weed, conspiracy theories and everything her boyfriend does. I honestly have always supported her, and only wanted the best for her. So i have tried to look the other way (even though i really dont like her boyrfriend and i think he is a loser) when she has made the wrong choices.
So while i initially had always thought of having her in the wedding, i’m torn now. I dont know if she could afford the things that come with being a bridesmaid. She doesnt really believe in marriage anymore. She refuses to go to Vegas (for some reason, has to do with “the corporations” and a conspiracy theory) which is where i would like my bachelorette to be. She rarely goes anywhere without her boyfriend. I dont know if she would even enjoy being a bridesmaid even though i would love her to be with me.
So do i even ask her? And if she declines, do i even ask anyone else to step into her place? Would it be weird to have 5 on his side and 4 on mine? I honestly dont want to ask anyone else to take her place.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry about this. Just listen to your heart. If you really want her to be there with you, ask her. If she can’t afford it, or doesn’t want to be there because of her beliefs about marriage, she can always say no. You could even phrase it in a delicate way–“I know marriage isn’t really your thing but I’m hoping you will support me and stand by me because you are a treasured friend.” She doesn’t need to do crafts, and heck, she doesn’t even need to go to your bachelorette. She just needs to be there for you on your wedding day. Now, if you’re thinking that because of her recent life choices, you would rather not have her as a bridesmaid, then don’t ask. It would not be weird at all to have uneven sides. I’ve seen many beautiful photos with uneven sides, and it’s not even something that I notice unless I’m actually looking specifically at the number. So no, do not ask anyone to take her place.
Post # 4
If you don’t ask her, will you regret not asking?
Post # 5
@Irish-bride: Probably. But if i asked she created any drama and stress i would regret even bothering. Double edged sword! If i did ask and she accepted, i would probably not expect her to attend alot of functions or do any “bridal” stuff with me.
Post # 6
I don’t know if it’s just an American thing or what, but the only occasions that Irish bridesmaids must attend are the hen party (batchelorette party) and the dress buying/ fittings and hair and make up trials and the wedding itself. What are all the added functions that American bridesmaids are required to attend and is it really important that all the bridesmaids attend every single one?
If I knew for a fact she’s going to be a real drama queen I wouldn’t bother asking, but it’s your call.
Post # 7
@Irish-bride: That what i meant. Just the bridal shower, stag n doe, bachelorette, wedding itself. Those are the BASICS they should attend. Most of my other bridesmaids will be at those, and dress selection, fittings, and to help with any DIY projects i have.
Maybe i should do a pros and cons list. That always worked when i was thinking of dumping a boyfriend in highschool HAHA.
Post # 8
If you decide to ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I would make sure you outline what would be expected of her both financially and time wise so she can opt to not accept if the financial burden or her beliefs just don’t match up to your expectations.