(Closed) Struggling with changing my name…

posted 8 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Kind of, but I’m also excited.  I have a very unique last name, for so long I was “known” or recognized by it.  Although it’ll be nice to have an easier name and go up to the front of the alphabet (it’s a big deal for me!).

As for changing it at work, I think for accounting/payroll/tax purposes you need to change it.  Have you considered hyphenation?

Post # 4
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

oh i am totally stressing about this too.. i always said that i would change and now with 2 months to go it is just making me sweat! i do WANT to take his name and be a family with him (esp since he is an only child and his dad is passed away.. there are not many left.. his mom got remarried and goes by her maiden name…). I just love my family- the set that shares my last name are some of my best friends!!! i totally associate with them.  I am dropping my middle name and moving my maiden into that spot so i can still answer to my name ๐Ÿ˜‰  its still makes me sad though!

Post # 5
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

You are not alone!!! I think I made a post before asking what people were planning on doing regarding their name after marriage and more than I expected were keeping their old name in some way or another, either completely, hyphenating, two last names etc. I think it was something like half the people that voted!

Anyway, I was thinking of doing two last names no hypen and keeping my middle name as my middle. The future Mr and I aren’t planning on having kids so that’s not a problem for us, and even if we did I dont see why they couldn’t go with just his last name since I’d already have his last name with my last name…Maybe you can do something like this?

Also, there are lots of people who said in my post that they were planning on having their offical name something but going by something else socially… I’m not too sure how this would work, but lots of people said that! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I never thought I’d have an issue with it….and as of late, I just can’t do it.   It brings me alot of sadness to change my name and although I love Fiance, I just don’t feel like his name has anything to do with who i am.   I’ve decided to not change my name immediately.  I am giving myself a two year window to change it! 

Post # 7
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think it is ok to legally change your name, but not change it at work.  It might get confusing though.

I feel funny about changing ny last name too, but I don’t really like it all that much.  I love my dad but we don’t have a very close relationship.  I also have some issues with the fact that my mom gave me my father’s name when they weren’t even dating at the time I was born… I don’t know why, but it really bothers me. 

So, I think I will probably keep my maiden name as my middle name.  I think a lot of people feel weird about changing their name… especially if you have established a career etc.

Post # 8
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

A lot of women do the opposite of what you are suggesting.  They don’t legally change their name so they keep the name they have always had.  That way all your identification, credit cards, work information, etc stays the same.  But, socially, they use their husband’s name so their friends and their kids friends some day will call them by their married name.

I did change my name because it’s important to me to share my last name with my future children.  And because his name is so much easier than mine.  But I moved my maiden name to my middle name so I’m still connected to my past.

Post # 9
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’ve gone through different phases of feelings about this during the course of my engagement.  As the wedding date grows closer, the desire to embrace his name is more prominent – even though, ultimately, I decided to keep mine.  But, it’s 100% because Fiance didn’t care that I did.  If he did care, I would have changed it.

Post # 10
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

My original plan was to do the 4 name thing, but due to some work complications, I was requested to keep my name at work til the first of the year.  (I got married in October and didn’t really start doing things til November, so this wasn’t a big deal.)  After that, I kind of decided to keep my name at work.  My name is the 4 name thing everywhere except pn my professional licensure and at work.  My paychecks come to the four-named me.  I wasn’t sure, and it’s much easier to change my name than change it back.  I am super glad I didn’t change my name at work, since FH is in the process of changing fields to mine, and it could get really confusing.  FH has never said he is upset with me keeping my name at work, but two comments make me think he might.  One was that I mentioned all my Dr. mail comes to maiden name and he said quickly that was sad (but didn’t seem bothered).  The other was he argued that having the same Dr. HisLast wouldn’t be confusing.

Sorry if I am rambling a bit, but the answer is yes, at least in most fields, and I wouldn’t change things til you’re sure since it’s hard to reverse.

Post # 11
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

you can technically be called whatever you want! legally, though, if you change your name, you will have to use it for all legal stuff – and it’ll be on your paycheck, too. i hope i’m not being brash – but that’s how it is. ๐Ÿ™‚

again, you can have your friends and family and co-workers use your maiden name, but if you change it, legally – for legal stuff, you will need to use your married name.

Post # 12
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am currently in the process of changing mine name (it hasn’t been *too* bad yet…I’ve done all the biggies! go me! hehe) and it has been a little bit bittersweet. I LOVE my maiden name and it is easy to spell AND say…my new last name? hard to spell and harder to say! But I’ve already decided one of my kids, whether boy or girl, will have my maiden name as their first name…and my FH and his fam loves the idea ๐Ÿ™‚

At work? I say for legal reasons you do need to change it but your co-workers can still call you by your maiden name/nickname.

Post # 13
Member
216 posts
Helper bee

I had issues with this as well… but I was told by the woman at city hall that the only thing legally changing my last name requires is that I notify social security. I am not required to change my name on anything… my license, my bank account, my credit cards, etc.  So when she put it that way it really isn’t a big deal at all. It’s true that you can really use whatever name you want.

Post # 14
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It sounds like you aren’t fully committed to taking his name?  I understand that it is important to him for you to take his name, but does he realize how torn and hard this is for you?  I think the distinction, like mentioned above, is between legal and social (not work and personal).  It is hard to navigate both of those separately, but you should do that if that makes you more comfortable.  On a personal note, one question that I wish was more on the table socially in these discussion is what choices the man has to make.  It feels to me that more and more woman find their name important.  At what point does it enter in to the discussion the man keeping the woman’s last name — even as just his middle name — or creating a joint last name?

Post # 15
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Currently I am torn between hyphenating and having 2 last names and keeping my middle.  I am 100% sure that I am keeping my name, I just can bear to part with it!  Our kids will have his last name only.  

Post # 16
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

yes it’s alright to not change it at work.  lots of people in my field do that because they have publications attached to their old last name.

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