- 9 years ago
I’m kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I really struggle with the distance in our relationship. Lately it’s been getting worse. This could be for a lot of reasons, but the ones that come to mind are 1) it’s been more than five freaking months since we’ve seen each other (he left July 6), and 2) just 16 more days til we’re finally together again.
All this focus on time has made me look at all that the ‘stolen six months’ of our relationship is missing out on… especially since we’ve been long distance since Day 3. We’re missing dates and kisses and laid back movie nights and even real fights that SD couples get to have without any effort. If you’ve ever been in a LDR, I’m sure you understand…
We’re 13 time zones apart, and we both lead incredibly busy lives, so our communication, when measured quantitatively, is far from ideal. When we get to talk (about once a week, with scattered emails and gchat on a daily-ish basis, although until this month it wasn’t that often) though, the quality is phenomenal (and I don’t mean the video connection quality, HAH!).
…sometimes I get to feeling like our relationship is an afterthought, tagged onto our busy lives. And I wonder if we’ll be able to make it work as a real life couple.
And then I remind myself that I fell in love with him for a reason, and that we didn’t decide to date, let alone get married, lightly. And I feel better, but the insecurity… well it has a way of creeping back in.
J and I have talked about this countless times, and he is amazing at reminding me why this is all going to be worth it, and assuring me that when we are together physically, we’ll find ways to adjust our schedules, and he’s been great about adjusting his time to meet my emotional needs (thus this past month he emails me daily after I sent him a tearful late night email asking “How do I even know you love me the other six days a week?” his response was super reassuring, haha).
I know it’s illogical, and that drives me almost as crazy as the insecurity itself, because I can’t seem to get a handle on it. But hey, time will tell, right? 16 days, in this case. I can’t help but expect that our 7 weeks together will be such a great time of growth and learning for our relationship, and that’s exciting and scary and everything all at once!
I don’t know; I don’t expect a lot of feedback on this post. It’s starting to feel like it belongs more on my blog than the boards, but hey, maybe I’m not the only one…