(Closed) Struggling with distance insecurity (long)

posted 9 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

🙁 I can kind of relate to how you feel. When Fiance and I were long distance (never quite as long distance as you are, but it was a big deal to us, haha) I definitely struggled with that. We were able to communicate pretty regularly, but I just hated that we were living completely separate lives. It’s a hard thing to deal with. 

BUT you’ve only got 16 more days – you are SO close! It’s going to be so cool adjusting to being in the same city, and yes it may be a little weird and awkward at first trying to figure out scheduling and whatnot, but that’s the fun, exciting part – you get to be together!! 

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’ll tell you, you LDR gals are really made of some tough stuff. I could never do it, I get upset when hubs has to work a few hours late.  It sounds like your Fiance is doing a wonderful job of reassuring you, and guess what? You get to spend 49 days together in just 16 (makes it sound like a lot more than 7 weeks huh?Wink)  Make sure you spend real quality time together, doing all the things your missing out on by being in a LDR.  I’m sure we won’t be seeing nearly as much of you once he comes anyway…

Post # 5
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

No feedback? Pshaw, c’mon, you had to know I’d respond to this =]

Oh honey it’s definitely feeling super crazy because you are 16 DAYS AWAY =]

I called it the “five monnth hump”. Sounds weird, haha, but seriously, when we had been apart for 5 months, I had a breakdown. Let’s see, Darling Husband left in an October month, so it was about mid-March….I knew he’d be home mid-May…for some reason, that was like, the hardest month ever. Month 5 was so tough. I was always kinda glum and just felt off, like something was wrong. I second guessed myself a few times and thought “i’m so dumb doing this LDR relationship…”. Anyways, I talked to a friend of mine (who’s now-husband had been stationed in Korea–all 4 of us are friends and she and I were good friends, even in each others weddings) and she told me it was totally normal. In fact when I mentioned it, she was like, “OMG i went through that too!” and went on and on telling me that for some reason, month 5 was the WORST.

Anyways, just know that’s a normal feeling and that even some of us super rock hard LDR veterans have been there, done that, been through that “aw crap i bet it was all for nothing” thoughts. It has a way of sneaking in and ruining you, like a Dream Ninja =]. Having you guys reassure each other is the way to go though. It seems like when I was having a bad day, Darling Husband was good at lifting me up, and vice versa. Or, I tried to “forget” i was in a relaitonship (easy to do when you don’t talk every day) and just go about my week like any other and really force myself not to dwell on it. Easier said than done. 

It all goes away once you get to see each other again. Really, it does.

7 weeks is a long time to be around each other. It’s make or break, really, for lack of better terms. Just be sure you each get your OWN space during those 7 weeks or you may get a skewed view of it all. It’s a big adjustmenet going from LDR to every-day-nonstop-seeing-each-other and can make you wanna gouge your eyes out a little bit. It’s just intense, considering you spend so much time doing your own thing!

Shoot me a message if you have any questions. I know I used to keep this dorky little poem Darling Husband wrote me in my planner, paperclipped to the inside. It was just a cute little reminder that followed me everywhere…=]

Post # 6
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Girl been there done that…i completely understand as long as both people are committed you’ve got nothing to worry about…guys are stubborn so if he’s committed to getting married you’ve definitely got nothing to worry about. I can’t tell you the last time i didn’t have a LDR. I’m in college and so LDR’s are pretty common for me…but now that i’ve found “Mr. Right” I’m not worried about it and I know that everything will be ok.

Post # 7
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House

I second ejs – there’s something that happens around 5 months.  I get my first wave of “Holy cow, I hate this, I don’t want to do long distance” at about two weeks to 1 month, but then I settle in and start a new routine.  At around 4.5-6 months, I had a much stronger second wave of that same feeling, except this time, I had 6 months of emotional blockage that was ready to burst.  It’s def. an adjustment to see him again.  Let yourself be psyched and sick in love during the honeymoon period – and don’t give up when you realize that after a few weeks, it seems normal and unexciting, or if there are fights.  It’s very normal for the reunion time after a long seperation to be full of uncertainty and feeling each other out.  Take time to “get to know one another” again.  Have dates!  Talk about how you’ve grown as people! It’ll be a lot of fun and a little bit of work too – but oh, so worth it! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I cannot understand how it feels for that many time zones, but I can understand the pressure of long distance relationships.  Mr. Library and I have been long distance for six years and it is tough.  I go back and forth about how I feel about it.  The best thing to do is think about what it is like when you are together.  It’s too easy to get caught up in what is wrong when you are separated, but what drew you to him when you were together?  You are so close, so just hang on!

Post # 9
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hey girlie.  You know I feel you.  And part of the reason why my husband and I had a ‘break’ when we were long distance was because of all those little things.  I know it gets so hard and your situation is worse due to the huge time difference between you two.  I don’t have any amazing words of wisdom but just hang in there, you two get to see eachother in a little over 2 weeks and it will be amazing.  And honestly you two will be together before you know it!

Post # 11
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

The second time around is MUCH MUCH MUCH easier. We did 6 months the second time and there was no 5-month weird stuff….cuz you just keep falling back on how good the “i got to see him” part was in the interim.

Get some sleep! You won’t freak out as much if your mind is all rested up. You’ll be able to reason with yourself that you’re being unreasonble. =]

Post # 12
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

The Boy and I didn’t get to see each other for an 8-month stretch earlier this year. Long separations are the worst, but remember this…the right person is always worth waiting for.

Post # 13
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I found that the days before and the days after we saw each other were the most tumultuous.  I agree, that the longer it’s been since you’ve seen each other, the more confusing the emotions are around the time that you do actually see each other.

Wanna hear the weirdest thing?  Before I even saw Mr. DG, I would get internally mad at him because I knew that at the end of the visit we’d have to separate again.  (Like he had any control over that :p)

Long separations really are the worst, and towards the end of our 2 years we had to adjust things so that we never went more than 3-4 months.  (I don’t think we could have survived)  I suppose if we had to deal with a deployment, we would have managed, but it would have been really hard!

Post # 14
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

dd, i go through this a lot. while we’re not as far as you and your guy, we do start to get antsy and a bit short tempered when we go long periods of time between visits. we had a pretty big blow up a few months ago [and almost broke up – it was a pretty devestating fight] and then i realized we had gone almost 10 months since our last visit! we try to put a cap on time between visits but life happens and we have to just go with the flow.

if you’d add up the number of days we’ve physically spent together, they’d probably add up to about 2 or so months in the almost 5 years we’ve been together. it sucks but that’s life. those feelings are natural. i would be worried but then those fears always melt away the second i see him again. yes it’s not always going to be good times but i do enjoy the time we get together.

enjoy the 7 weeks together. and i agree with ejs, definitely carve out some you time as well. i can’t imagine how shocking it’ll be to go from not seeing him to seeing him everyday. ease into it but have fun.

 

Post # 16
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Boy can I relate! Fiance works across the country between 3-5 months a year over the summer usually.  This year, he was gone for 5 weeks in Jan/February, 2 weeks in March, we got engaged in April, and he was gone May-September.

We get to talk very frequently, thankfully.  It’s hard – – I had to move us to a new apartment over the summer, and it was really stressful.  Nothing about him being gone is ever easy. 

We just spend quality time together while he’s home, and we try to go out and see the same movies, etc. so we can sort of feel like we have some common ground.  Sometimes it’s the little things that count.  Good luck! We are here for you!

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