- 7 years ago
First, let me say that I joined Weddingbee specificially to post this, but I’ve been following for quite awhile. I can’t tell you all how wonderful its been to have a candid and honest place to come when I needed to ideas, support, etc.
That said, I’m about done with my family when it comes to my wedding. Its a long, drawn out issue, but lmy mom has a history of being a bitter and negative person who won’t get help for her issues. She’s also torn my family appart, but everyone continues to appease her because they don’t want to deal with the drama. That said, my mom has also never approved of my fiance. We started dating right after I graduated college and had moved back home for a year. Because she didn’t like him, I tried to hide the relationship at first (I have since apologized profusely for this). But it got to the point where I literally couldn’t mention him or our relationship without her grimacing or being completely rude.
Since that time, I moved out of the area to find a job, and would come into town (boyfriend and parents live a town over from one another) to visit my boyfriend on weekends. I wouldn’t mention to my parents that I was in town (feeling this was my perogative as I was an adult and knew they would just be deragatory about the sitaution). Needless to say, they were offended when they found out.
Fast forward two years and an engagement later, and my mother and I literally do not talk about the wedding. Not always knowing how to approach her, I took my time telling her about my engagement. Since then, she has flat out told me that “she didn’t want to see my ring, didn’t want to hear about the wedding.” My fiance and I have done everything in our power to reach out to her, but have continued with our wedding plans on our own (we are paying for the wedding ourselves). At the same time, I’ve essentially had to cut off contact with my brother and father (as living with my mom after I bring up the wedding is apparently “too hard.”)
Recently, I wrote both of my parents a lengthy letter explaining how I felt, and apologizing yet again for everything I’ve done to wrong them. I’ve asked to find a time to sit and talk with them, and welcomed them to contribute to the wedding in any way possible. The response I got was, while civil, not open or welcoming any sort of discussion. It ended by telling me that I had hurt them imensely, and now I wanted to create a “fairytale ending that wasn’t going to be possible.”
I’m at the place that I don’t know what to do any longer. It devestates me to think that they won’t be at my wedding day (which I seriously fear will happen and mean my only living grandparent and sibling won’t come either as they don’t want to rock the boat). But I feel as though my fiance and I have extended every apology possible. I think the only thing that will make them “ok” is if I call of the wedding altogether. What makes me sad is that my wedding is no longer a happy event, but something by which I feel judged, embarassed, and angry. The good side to all of this is that my fiance’s family is wonderful, and they have been an incredible support. But I’m literally at my wits end.