- 4 years ago
- Wedding: February 2014
A little background: I was raised in a traditional Christian family and mostly dated Christian guys in my teens and early 20s. Because of this and also personal shyness/anxiety, I was a virgin until I met my now fiance.
I don’t have any experience other than with my fiance and for the first year our sex was spontaneous, exciting, and fun, although I never could reach an O with him at all.
In the past 6 months I went through an awful stressful situation at work with a coworker bullying me to the point of harassment. I’ve struggled with self-esteem and body issues my entire life and the ordeal at work chipped away at my confidence until it was nonexistant. I’m struggling to feel better about myself even months later.
Because of this, I’ve been feeling anxious and nervous about sex. I’ve also gained some weight and, though I know I don’t look much different than before and my fiance says he finds me sexy, I don’t feel sexy at all and am not comfortable with him touching my stomach or anywhere else I’m insecure about. I’ve also been experiencing tenderness in my breasts and don’t enjoy him squeezing them, which (all things considered) tends to frustrate him.
I’ve been trying to make an effort in the past month but we still tend to only have sex once a week or so and most of the time I’m just not excited for it. I’m worreid about not feeling sexy, disappointing him, etc etc and anxiety just washes over me to the point where it’s not enjoyable at all and I actively avoid it.
And still through all of this I have not been able to achieve an O with him although I’m able to alone, which certainly doesn’t help sex become appealing to me…
The worst is: now he’s feeling as though I don’t find him attractive, although I hug and kiss him multiple times daily. I show him affection in every way aside from sex, for the reasons mentioned above.
I want to be able to feel sexy again, look forward to sex, initiate it confidently, enjoy it, and finally be able to O with him. I know it will make us feel closer.
I’m just frustrated and totally out of ideas on what to do…
Could anyone please offer some advice?