(Closed) Struggling with the balance of time together and time apart

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

same problem here we are just the opposite.

I used to worry seeing couples that never left each others side, and wonder if we were wrong for spending time apart but now I think its just healthy for us. The thing that bothered me was I would feel guilty asking him to stay home with me. We have talked about and the rule is if I want him to stay home just to say it and he wont be upset. We both try to go out of our comfort zone to make eachother happy. 

Also try new hobbies even trying them will help you connect regardless if yo stik with them. 

Post # 4
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hubby likes to go out, and I’m the one who likes to stay in.  We strike a balance by going out for a couple of hours and then coming home and relaxing.  For example, tonight we will probably go out for drinks.  As a compromise for me going out with him, we’ll end up coming home around 9-10pm.

Could you try something like that?  Maybe go out dancing for a couple of hours and instead of spending the entire night out, go home early?

Post # 5
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think this is a common problem. Since your Darling Husband doesn’t like dancing, can you try to find some other social activity that you both enjoy? I think it’s reasonable to expect him to suck it up and go out one night a week, but I also think it’s important to consider his preferences. Going out shouldn’t be a chore, so look for things you can both look forward to and enjoy (or at least not hate entirely :/)

Post # 7
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m the one who loves going out and hitting the club with friends, and Darling Husband abhors clubbing and dancing. We honestly don’t have very much in common in terms of hobbies but we do make an effort to listen to the other gush about something we aren’t really interested in. The glue that makes my marriage work is acceptance of each other’s quirks and identical goals in life.

I don’t go out very often, so I think that’s where we struck our balance. He enjoys going out to the bars as much as I do though, so we do that relatively often.

Post # 8
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so glad I found this thread. My Darling Husband and I are going through the same thing unfortunately and It’s good to know we aren’t alone. I definitely like to go out more often than my Darling Husband does. He is a homebody for the most part. Throughout most of our relationship, we’ve spent too much time together and I really want us to spend more time apart, but I have been noticing that when we do spend time apart I end up missing him a lot. I guess adjustment is needed and it will take time. I think it would be good for you to find a hobby that you both enjoy doing together so that you can connect and try to have deep conversations about how you feel on a daily basis.

Post # 10
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@oracle:  infrequently is enough. I used to be out once a week every week my last semester in college, if that gives you a sense of how often I was out lol.

now I only really miss it when I’m out dancing and then come back satisfied. Basically, I don’t realize how much I miss it until I’m actually out doing it.

I do that probably like once every month or two too for my fix.

Post # 11
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I dont think someone mentioned this, but its equally important.

Make sure the time at home is time spent together and that doesnt mean you are just both watching TV or coexiting in the same space such as one of you is reading and someone else is on the computer. Make it quality time. Be sure to sit an eat dinner with each other. Plan to go for a walk together or even do the dishes together so you have a chance to talk.

Make a habit of climbing into bed early so you can snuggle and chat and kiss. 

Just because you are both home doesnt mean its quality time the way it would be if you were to go out together. Its not always about the amount of time, but the quality of that time. 

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