- 5 years ago
I’m hoping to glean some wisdom from the hive.
In a nutshell, I’m trying to figure out the balance between time with Darling Husband and time apart from Darling Husband (doing things I enjoy that he doesn’t).
Some background: I’m the extrovert, he’s the introvert. I’m the one that would be fine with a packed calendar, he’s the one who is exhausted by it.
I knew this marrying him. I don’t expect him to change.
Before we got married, we struck a balance where I’d invite him to things or to join me doing things and if he was up to it, he’d attend. And, if he wasn’t – he wouldn’t. It seemed to work out very well.
Fast forward to married life: we still continued this pattern, although, I was noticing that when we were spending time together, we weren’t connecting and/or things felt distant. When the topic was addressed – the fact that I hadn’t been around (say, out 3x’s a week) was usually the culprit.
I’ve adjusted to doing things about 1-2 x’s a week (usually dinners out with girlfriends) but would like to incorporate a night of dancing in that mix from time to time. DH does not like to dance and tried it a few times, but never really caught on or enjoyed it.
Here’s the catch though – while Darling Husband would be ok with me dancing on a regular basis, I end up getting in a funk because I’m sad he isn’t with me. It’s not that I can’t enjoy myself on my own – but this missing him feeling in the midst of doing it – so much so, it makes me not want to do the activity and I end up wanting to stay home with him… but then am sad I’m not out and about!
I guess, as I type, I’m realizing maybe I’m wanting something I can’t have (which is a Darling Husband who does not enjoy some of the things I like to do and I just need to be ok with missing him and doing my own thing solo).
Has anyone gone through anything like this? And, if so, what solution did you find?
I’m starting to think the solution is to find a hobby we both enjoy … but my pessimistic self feels like we’ve attempts that numerous times and haven’t come up with squat! (we’ll be together for almost 7 years!)