- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2016 - Charleston, SC
Having a really tough time lately and I could use some advice! Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have had at least a little distance between us for our entire relationship. It wasn’t so bad when we were in college, because it was only 2 hours and we saw each other basically every weekend/some week nights for events and such. Between Greek life, class, and other obligations, we were glad to have space to get things done while being able to be together on weekends.
After he graduated, he moved about 10 hours away, and it’s been really hard for us to connect and get on the same wavelength. We only see each other every 4-5 months. We will be long distance until at least the end of June, when my internship will end; even then, there’s no guarantee we’ll be able to move in together immediately. When we’re not together, I find myself feeling increasingly distant and angry at him over little things. He’s taking online/distance classes on top of a full time job to work towards his masters; he will eventually do the same for an MBA. I think this is great, but IMO the distance learning thing is a big mistake for his first few years right out of school. He has no one to go to when he has trouble, so he spends hours upon hours trying to get through homework and projects, emailing classmates and professors to get vague and unhelpful assistance, and asking ME to look over his papers and reports for editing.
Not that I mind that he’s trying to further his education, and helping to edit papers (something that, honestly, I am much better at than he is), but it’s really starting to cut into the time I feel we should be using to communicate as a couple. We have very few real, complete conversations. On top of that, he recently has started falling asleep out of the blue. Literally, his roommate has commented that he’ll fall asleep in the middle of a sentence. That is not normal to me, yet he refuses to see a doctor because he “can’t pick a doctor he likes” and “it’s too much trouble” to have his medical records sent from his old doctor to a new one. That feels incredibly immature to me, and something that we’ve gotten frustrated with each other over several times. It’s really annoying to finally get to a good place and have things to say and suddenly…no reply. Then he acts like nothing happened when he wakes up. This is so upsetting to me, because it makes me feel like he doesn’t care that I was left hanging…again. I’d like at least some acknowledgement that I had things to say to him and that he’s not just ignoring me.
I feel neglected, alone, and frustrated. Lately, the times we do have good conversations have been extremely emotionally charged, and mostly on his end. He’s tearing up at everything and constantly asking “do you think about me every day” and “do you really love me” and “are you really excited to be my wife”. He claims this is in response to me asking for a little more affection at times; to me it seems needy, not affectionate at all, and overemotional when I need stability.
These all seem like silly little details, but things feel so much more exaggerated when there’s distance involved! I feel like we can’t communicate and get on the same page about how to create a strong relationship. I feel like he doesn’t care enough to do what I need him to do so that I’m in a good place with this. It means a lot that he loves me so much even when we’re apart and always thinks about me and can’t wait to see me again, but I deserve to feel taken care of and happy too!
I hate being angry and wanting space from him, yet I need more than conversations involving our “sweet unconditional love.” I want to NOT go to bed angry anymore because I really needed to talk to him but he randomly passed out and stopped answering me in the middle of a conversation. I want to feel like I have a strong man supporting me and loving me when I need someone, not an immature boy who gets overemotional at the littlest things and gets upset when I mention something I would like to change. We’ve had this discussion a million times, and I try to tell myself it’s not forever, just a couple more months, but I’m honestly at my wit’s end. It’s not like this at all when we’re actually together. What do I do??