Post # 17
Oh, and if you are uncomfortable with them staying alone together the night before you should definately speak up and put your foot down. You don’t want to be up all night the night before your wedding wondering if something is happening and you don’t want to be thinking all day that something happened. If you aren’t 100% comfortable and you think you will be really bothered you should make sure you discuss it seriously with your Fiance without being accusatory so that your wedding day and the beginning of your marriage isn’t shaky. Make it clear that while you trust and love him you are just not comfortable and want to start off on the right foot.
Post # 18
Ok, this might just be me, but if you can’t trust him the night before your wedding, why are you marrying him? Seriously. What do you think is going to happen?
Post # 19
Bottom line, do you trust your FI? Because if not, you shouldn’t be marrying him. If you do trust him, then it shouldn’t matter. I work with mostly men, and most of my good friends are men – and in my job, we do a lot of travel. I’ve flown all over the world with very good male friends, and of course you’re mostly working during the day – so in the evening and on weekends you’re out having fun. I’ve also shared condos with male friends and coworkers, both on business trips and on vacations. And I can tell you that there are basically two kinds of men out there – the ones that can be had, and the ones that can’t. If your Fiance loves you and believes that stepping out on you is wrong, you’ve got nothing to worry about. If he’s the kind of guy who would cheat on you the night before the wedding, he’s actually going to cheat on you sooner or later anyway.
I’m not sure what you’re saying about hotel rooms. Are you guys having a couple of big slumber parties the night before? All the guys actually sleeping in the same room, and the girls the same? Probably you should consider getting a couple of extra rooms, maybe having 2 or 3 BMs share a room to sleep, and same for the guys. That way your FI’s friend can hang out with him and the guys for the evening, and go to another room to sleep, without it looking like you’re singling her (and your FI) out due to some lack of trust. I understand that money is tight, but it seems like in the interest of your peace of mind, and general harmony, you could put a couple of extra rooms on the credit card or something.
Post # 20
I hit submit too soon. But, the way I see it, if he’s trying to make you happy and change all his plans just to keep you happy, then you need to let him go about his business! He loves you! Relax and tell your mom and friends to hush!
Post # 21
i think in this situation, it’s not about your lack of trust for him. hopefully you trust the person you are marrying! i think the uneasiness comes from the fact that you barely know her, you don’t really know how she feels about him and the whole wedding situation. i think when you explain your concerns, you should tell your Fiance that you completely trust him but given that you really don’t know her at all, you cannot be expected to have that same unwavering trust in her.
furthermore, it is very weird if the two of them end up spending the night of the wedding together alone in the same house. this isn’t about trust, this is about propriety and crossing boundaries as to what is or is not okay. while you need to trust him, he needs to respect you as his future wife and understand that if some things make you uncomfortable, then he needs to rethink his actions. i would be livid if my Fiance was spending the night before the wedding at our house with a girl he used to be interested in! i trust him and love him with all my heart but i certainly don’t feel that way about any of the girls he used to be interested in. who knows what they would try to talk him into or out of?! eesh.
Post # 22
We’re lucky enough to have a pretty big house, so there’s enough rooms for the other groomsmen (or at least one or two) to stay at the house with them that Friday night. She’ll have her own room, and they’ll probably sleep on the couches downstairs.
And yes, I trust him with my life. 🙂
Thanks for re-iterating what others have already said. I knew I could get some answers out of the other bees!
Thanks for the responses, ya’ll!
Post # 23
You took the words (or thoughts, rather) right out of my head! I guess that’s precisely what I was trying to say, and couldn’t quite get it earlier.
I absolutely trust him. I’m crazy about him. But the only thing I have to go on is what he tells me about her. Her thoughts, her feelings, whatever. And that’s only what she chooses to tell him. Especially when she comes to him all the time with boy troubles.. Who knows if she’s thinking, "man, I really messed this up, he’s a really great guy…"
I was talking to one of my other bridesmaids and she said exactly what you wrote – it’s not necessarily about trust, it’s more of a respect issue, and that if I’m uncomfortable with something, he needs to respect that, and we need to figure out how to solve it.
He’s already shown that he’s willing to try by switching the bachelor party date and letting me have some quality time getting to know her that night. I’m hoping I can convince the other groomsmen to stick around that Friday to ease my nervousness a bit.
Post # 24
I don’t know– the situation as you have explained it would make me feel uncomfortable, with her spending the night (possibly alone) in the same house with you not there. But I have dealt with a supposed "friend" of my Fiance who was really out to sabotage our relationship, and maybe that’s clouding my judgment. (Turns out my Fiance was totally clueless, and the "friend" showed her a$$ to the point where he dropped her like a hot potato.)
The fact that you don’t know this girl from Adam is worrying enough on its own. They’re that close and you’ve only met her once? He has admitted to having serious feelings for her, over a period of years? She’s always confiding in him for her "guy problems?" That sends up a lot of red flags to me.
It does sound like you are confident and trust your Fiance though, which makes all the difference.
Post # 25
just one more comment? Something that’s come up in a couple of these "sticky situation" type posts recently: It seems like it’s easy to let your close friends’ & mom’s opinions in these sorts of things kinda direct how you feel.
You mentioned in an earlier reply that they "were like ‘nuh-uh!’ " over this situation and it sounded like that kinda upped your anxiety over it… I’m going a little out on a limb here, but I think sometimes a bride’s family/friends (well-meaning though they are) add to the drama of some of these wedding-themed conflicts… Maybe just because they kinda expect drama with weddings? I don’t really know why, but I’ve seen this kinda thing among some of my family members too…
I think it’s important to share & receive advice from your close friends & family on this issue–but ultimately, even if they think it’s a bad idea, you have to judge for yourself…. And like was said earlier, they’ll likely follow your lead, once you choose your way
Post # 26
I haven’t read all the messages, but I’m just wondering if your fiance wants to have her in the room b/c it would keep him calm or relaxed. Men generally aren’t good are relating why they want something a certain way.