Post # 1
Husband and I are planning our 10 year anniversary for next year. We were married really young at a small courthouse and meant to do something later. Now our plans (and finances) are set and we are happy. With all the times of canceling different VRs due to cost, family stuff and a deployment, we decided it was best and easier to have our VR just between us also an intimate affair on the beach is nice and this way our plans depend on US not on others. The majority of the money saved is going to a trip taken that Winter. It all seems easy but it isn’t. I got a call from my SIL and another from my cousin calling me selfish that no one is coming or invited to the affair. I disagree with them but it hurts to be called selfish. Finally I told them “What is more selfish, two people having a ceremony that is about THEIR marriage and then having their dream vacation later or throwing a big party to please others who aren’t even going to contribute? You calling me up to complain about something you aren’t invited, a part of or paying for seems silly and selfish. I have kept our plans between us and I don’t know who told you (I think a mutual friend let it slip) but it doesn’t involve you.” I hung up.
I am angry at being called selfish for NOT having people come to this and keeping it between us.
Actually I have been thinking about it. No matter what I do, invite them or not. Have wedding favors or just candy. Wear white or green. It doesn’t matter. Y’know why? Someone is always going to complain. Heck, its just he and I and people STILL complain. So my message, Bees. DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO BECAUSE NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO BE COMPLETELTY SATISFIED.
Post # 3
What jerks, I’m sorry you had to deal with that! And what you said to them was dead on – having a private ceremony that is just about the two of you is pretty much the most UNselfish way out there to do it! I think your plan sounds very nice, and I hope that you don’t have to deal with any more grief over it.
Post # 4
Your vow renewal ceremony is a celebration of your relationship. It’s a shame that your family doesn’t want to participate, but it shouldn’t stop the two of you from enjoying your vow renewal plans.
It’s not uncommon at all for family and friends to feel put out by being asked to spend money to attend a vow renewal or destination wedding in an exotic location. I know it’s hard not to take it personally, but try not to!
Post # 5
@Bliss Honeymoons: While I agree with you about a vow renewal being a celebration. I think you misread my post. You see, I don’t want my family’s participation. It is easier and better for my husband and I to just have a small thing without all the fuss of others.We have cancelled and put off a couple of vow renewals because of other reasons and family involvment has just added to more stress. It got to the point where we were the ones paying for the thing but bending to the wishes of others! If it is just he and I..well, our decisions are ours alone. I am not asking anyone to come to our destination and that is the problem. This is an experience my husband and I would rather keep between us. We compromised with family that we would send pictures but their participation is not necessary.
Post # 6
If your family was not at your first wedding, then I could see why they would be hurt. I don’t think you are being selfish at all; I just think that you may want to consider their feelings even if you don’t agree with them. I would also advise against speaking to your in-laws as angrily as you did and hanging up on them. That is rude and only fans the flames.
My Mother-In-Law has said some inappropriate things to me. I show everyone that I have more class than she does by refusing to respond.
My husband and I eloped when I got married. Our vow renewal will include my family because I know they were very hurt when I eloped. My husband’s family had a party for us on our one year anniversary and my Brother-In-Law is a loose cannon, so we are not inviting them.