Post # 1
Well…hello. I am a long time lurker on these boards, for the last few years and I must admit just reading what others have written has helped me get through the waiting lows last the last few years. Until now! Let me give a bit of background –
I have been with my Boyfriend or Best Friend for the last 8 and a half years, since we were 18. After staying together through university and some long distance we moved in together and have been living together for the past 3 years. We have some plans to move abroad for a few months and are very happy together. And that is true – 99% of the time I am blissfully happy but then every now and then I get very low about the lack of proposal. He started out (about 3 years ago) saying that he didn’t think he wanted to get married but over the years has changed and matured and told me at New Year that he isn’t scared of it anymore.
A year ago we had a frank conversation which resulted in him saying we would be engaged by the end of the year. I promised not to mention it again and waited…new year came and nothing. He brought it up new year’s night and told me that time ups just caught up on him and he would do it “very soon” and said that was why he was doing loads of overtime in March. All fine and dandy, I was happy about that…until last night he told me he was going to have some money left at the end of the month and was sure he’d forgotten something big. Erm YES!!
Basically I don’t know whether to say anything or not. It feels like he’s just saying what I want to hear every few months and then goes back to forgetting about it. But equally I don’t wanna bring it up when I ultimately want it to come from him. Feels a bit like I’m stuck in the middle of two bad decisions and I don’t really know which way to turn.
PS sorry for random word typos – my phone won’t let me go back to correct anything, weird! X
Post # 3
8 years! Where did you say your halo was?
Lol. Being serious though, was he maybe trying to be cute and hinting? I don’t know, but I would maybe wait another month, once the overtime was well and truly over, then have a serious chat from there? Good luck!
Post # 4
I would definitely say something…. Wow, I personally wouldn’t put up with that.
Post # 5
I don’t think he was hinting as a joke to be honest, I got the feeling he was being genuinely obtuse. We have been together a long time (my halo gets brighter every day!) but because of that I don’t think he sees any urgency in it. I feel like he has let down my trust in it ever happening but because he said “very soon” rather than ‘by X’ i think it’s put me in a difficult position to bring it up again. “very soon” is very subjective 🙁
Post # 6
@Avabee: Oh I feel your pain. Our stories are very similar. My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have also been going out for 8 years (since we were 18), have been living together 2 years and we have also had a big engagement talk about a year ago. Unfortunately I feel like it could be farther from his mind. At least he gave you a timeline of sorts!
I TRY not to bring it up much because I don’t want to pressure him into something that he is not ready for. I want him to marry me when he genuinely WANTS to marry me. But then again, I want to get the show on the road.
Post # 7
@lazy_bones it’s the age old ‘but I want him to WANT to’!!! I don’t want him to be pressured into it by me but equally I don’t want to be compromising completely on what I want either. And I think that is our dilemma. At some point something’s gotta give?! I think I probably will give it another month or so. But I will feel bad about bringing it up cos the timeline is out of the window now and it’s like I can never mention in case it’s just round the corner. Hmm!
Post # 8
After 8 years, you deserve to ask. Just bring it up gently so he knows it’s on your mind. Be sure to ask for a concrete timeline, and then you’ll be able to exhale.