(Closed) Stuck between parents vs. FI on wedding venue

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Without considering what your parents or Fiance think, which city do you prefer for the wedding? Your decision is yours. They’ll get over it eventually. Congrats on the engagement!

Post # 3
Member
6605 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Fiance is right… you should make your decision together, not your parents’ choice at all.  It’d be a shame if they don’t come or if their friends don’t come, but this isn’t about them, it’s about the two of you.  That’s not even so far to travel!  My husband was from CA and me from the east coast… we live in the southwest, with minimal friends around and only one family member.  We had our wedding in the southwest.  The people who had the time and/or inclination came to our wedding, those that didn’t, did not.  Sure it was fewer people than I’d have invited were we having the wedding east, but the most important ones were able to be there.

I think New York is a good compromise, just like the middle was a good compromise for us.

ETA: just read the post above mine.  Doesn’t make sense to me.  The decision is not yours alone, it’s the first big decision for you AND your fiance and you do need to consider his points, not just blow over him and go to Chicago (or whatever).

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  skunktastic.
Post # 4
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Who is paying for the wedding?  If it’s your parents, then the wedding will probably end up in Chicago.  If it’s you and your Fiance, then NY seems reasonable.  

Post # 5
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

if your parents are paying for it they get to say. if you and fi are paying for it then you both need to work together to find a compromise.

Post # 6
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If you are paying, honestly, NY seems like the best compormise, since neither you or Fiance are from there but you both live there now. However, if your parents are helping pay, they have a say which complicates thinigs. 

If your Fiance and parents did not care, where would YOU like tohave the wedding? Just something t think about as well. 

But it really should be YOU and Fiance having the most say since it is your day. 

Post # 8
Member
4232 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

First of all CONGRATS!!!

It is traditional to have the wedding in the bride’s hometown….now, not everyone follows that tradition (I’m not!), but it is a sound reason you can offer to your Fiance to settle the argument. 

Post # 9
Member
910 posts
Busy bee

Your parents are paying, they get a say. If your fi wants to do everything his way then you need to be footing the bill. Comes with the territory. 

Post # 10
Member
5790 posts
Bee Keeper

Well…I think where you have it will be decided by your budget What you can get for the money in NYC,  and depending on your guest list, will probably shock you once you start looking. NYC weddings come with a high price tag.

Post # 11
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is not your parents’ wedding. They already had their wedding. YOUR wedding should be held wherever you and your Fiance want. 

Post # 12
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We decided to forego my hometown and get married where Darling Husband and I live… My parents love it here, though, and they lived here throughout school, so it wasn’t a totally random town for them. 

Have you had a chance to compare pricing between New York and the Chicago suburbs? My guess is you could get more wedding for less $$ if you went your parents’ route!

Post # 13
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

newyorker6:  In order for marriage to work, in my opinion anyway, you have to learn to make decisions with your partner above all other people and do what is best for the two of you, not others. I think you need to take his side and make the decision with your future husband and hopefully your parents understand that you need to do what is best for you and Fiance. Good luck! 

Post # 14
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

I was kind of on your fiance’s side until I saw the part about your parents are paying for most of it. That kind of changes things…. One one hand, chicago and NYC are really not that far apart. Anyone super close to you should be either to go to either place. But with immigrant parents who are older, I get it. One of my best friends is from Chicago with Greek immigrant parents who are very old school, so I’m imagning this situaiton if they were the parents in question. In that case, Yeah, I can see that their community is pretty frugal and old fashioned and doesn’t really travel for family friend’s weddings. I think that your fiance should realize that if they are paying, he has to comprimise. If he’s willing to forgo their financial contribution (or downgrade it to the same amount as his parents) he could keep fighting for NYC. But another thing to consider is that NYC is SOO EXPENSIVE. Even if I lived in NYC, my wedding would probably have to be out in the burbs or something becuase who can afford the wedding they want in NYC??? I bet a lot of people who live in NYC have the weddings in their hometowns for that reason. Try to pitch to him as “not only will they pay for it if we do it in Chicago, we’ll get way more for our money, yatta yatta”. Also by doing in not in NYC you get the quality people, people who care enough about you to actually travel a few hours to Chicago (come on, we’re not talkign about cross country or destination, it’s an hour and a half plane ride!) and you’ll whittle down people who just want a free party night. Sorry this is causing turmoil for you guys! Dudes should let the Bride choose everything I think! 😛 

Post # 15
Member
6660 posts
Bee Keeper

Congratulations on your engagement!

A NY wedding sounds fantastic if you and your Fiance are paying–but expect it to be very, very expensive. If your parents are paying for most of the wedding and really want it to be in Chicago you have to respect their input. Plus, while Chicago isn’t a budget city a wedding there will cost less than in NYC. Surely your Fiance can understand all of that.

Weddings are complicated exercises in compromise–not bad training for marriage. Good luck, Bee!

 

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