- 3 years ago
Bees, I don’t know what to do.
I created a fake account and am trying to keep some of the details vague to stay undercover. My husband and I have been married almost 4 years and have a young daughter. We met while we were both in school, me in a professional school for a health care degree and he in a master’s program for engineering.
I realized while I was in professional school that I had made a huge mistake picking this program but stuck with it because of the time and money I had already spent. I thought once I got out into the real world it wouldn’t be as bad as I thought. But I hated it from the get go. My husband knew this while we were dating and encouraged me to get my degree and my license as he said that was better than just quiting. I kept working in my field and some days were better than others but I was not happy. I sucked it up that a lot of people were not happy in their jobs and the fact that I made good money should be enough motivation to keep me going.
Meanwhile, my husband finished up his master’s degree. But he never actually worked in engineering. All the time he was in school, he did other jobs as they fit his schedule. For a while he worked for a financial company and that was his longest job and continued to work there even after he got his degrees, but then he was on a full time basis. I could not understand why he wouldn’t work in his chosen field, especially because I was working in mine. He kept saying he was happy in his industry, and we weren’t hurting for money so he wasn’t about to change. I still didn’t quite get it but he was happy so I figured at least one of us had a job we liked.
Then I had my daughter and everything changed. I realized life is too short to be hating what you are doing. I wanted so bad to be a stay at home mom. This was something we did talk about before marriage but we life in a high cost of living state and I figured it would never be possible. We talked about me staying home and that we couldn’t afford it. I did drop down to working 4 instead of 5 days a week. So not only was I still working in a field I hated, but I missed my daughter a lot. I was miserable.
Then one day my husband came home and said he and two of his friends were starting their own company. This wasn’t one of those discussions where we talked about the pros and cons, this is what he was doing and things were already in place for that to happen. I was shocked. I again brought up his lack of using his degrees – and the student loans we were paying back – and he said it doesn’t matter that he’s not in that field. I brought up the fact that I was still in my field and it turned into a huge argument. I said I don’t agree with him starting a company for all the reasons I listed and that it too wasn’t fair that he didn’t even discuss this with me first. I realized way too late that I had no say in our relationship.
His company has done OK, meaning they are still afloat, but he works at least 12 hours every day and most weekends. But he is loving being his own boss. Meanwhile, I have developed anxiety from working in health care. I come home after work and cannot relax or sleep (I work rotating shifts) because I am afraid I did something wrong. My confidence is gone. I wake up every day dreading going to work. I cannot just quit as we need my salary to live. I am the one to pick up health insurance for us.
I don’t know what to do. I am setting a terrible example for my daughter. I am miserable and my husband does not care. I can’t even look for a completely different job as we are so dependent on my income, not to mention I too have a ton of student loans.
I never thought I would consider divorce but if I do, I will be forced to work full time in my field anyway to support my daughter. Some days I feel like just crying all day.