- 4 months ago
- Wedding: January 2019
I am 19 years old, and 7 weeks pregnant. I met my boyfriend who is 38, in June of 2017. We are in a relationship officially since two weeks ago but have been seeing each other for a couple of months now and pretty much were gf and bf since November 2017.
He has 2 kids, one that is not biologically his, 17yo girl, 10yo boy with Down syndrome and autism, and a crazy ex wife. Which I learned about fast. Our honeymoon stage latest about a month before the crazy shit started happening. His ex wife caused lots of problems for us, and he loves to fight with her. Stay up late just texting paragraphs back and forth saying nasty things to each other. That went on for awhile. His son is a lot to handle. And when he would come over on his dads days, my bf would end up playing on his phone the whole time or taking a nap or watching tv the whole time he was over. Meanwhile I changed his diaper(yes I know he’s 10 years old and not potty trained) I would cook him food and play with him. I didn’t mind any of this and I loved getting to know him and seeing him laugh and smile.
My BFs friends are also pretty crazy. All older men, 40s, early 30s, it was weird for me I’ll admit. They all did drugs or beat their wife’s or had some crazy ass story that was weird to me. In the recent months it has become clear that he has lots of pet peeves, things I would do would annoy him. Like the way I eat chips, the fact I take long showers, he hated all my clothes because they weren’t form fitting. The list goes on.
Since mid Jan, we had been having lots of other problems and I wasn’t happy and we didn’t kiss as much anymore and we fought a lot. And he’s a yeller. He would go through my phone quite often. He was always unhappy that I was on Facebook, and Snapchat, and instagram, and I had lots of friends and some of them were male. So he checked my texts, looked at my Facebook messages all the time. I didn’t agree with him doing that at all but I let him because I didn’t have anything to hide before. He made me deleted all social media apps and lots of my male friends numbers. And I only contacted my family and 2 girlfriends.
One night he took my phone and saw messages between me and my guy friend which he found a little flirtatious. He kicked me out, which he had threatened to do many times before when he was drunk. I went back to my parent’s place for a few days but he begged me to come and work it out and I caved and came back.
My whole family and friends tried to convince me otherwise. He is very verbally and emotionally abusive and acts like he owns me. And that’s why I guess I acted out and started chatting to the male friend.
Sorry this is so long, trying to give the whole story.
Since I came back, life has been even worse than before. He missed our doctor’s appointment because he was on the phone with his ex wife in the parking lot. Then yelled at me because I told him I was hurt he missed it because of his ex. He would drink even more. He would scream at me, call me horrible things, destroy my character, tell me I’m a useless slut and all of this. He would pull the mattress off the bed and tell me to get out, slam doors, punch walls, threatened to pull me out by my hair. Then he would sober up the next day and say I deserve it because of what I did and I’m going to have to deal with it until he can trust me again.
There’s so many things he’s done I can’t even think of them all to write out.
So two weeks ago, he lost his job, stole money from the company so we could start over. And we moved to Queensland. The whole process getting here was miserable. It was suppose to be a new start for us. But he was drunk packing the whole time and took all his anger out on me, blamed me for moving so I would be happy.
Now we’ve been here for two weeks. It’s been more miserable than it has been enjoyable. We keep fighting, things have gotten a little bit physical lately. When we were in Sydney he ripped a pillow out of my hands and almost made me fall so I slapped his chest to get him away from me so he pushed me back. Then on New Years we had an awful fight and he tried to take the keys out of my hand and drive drunk somewhere and I wouldn’t let go so my hands were bruised.
He tells me what to do. What not to do. Still tells me how horrible of a person I am. Put my name on the lease here so I “couldn’t leave him”. I’m at the point where I know I’m not happy. I don’t want to be with him. But I’m more scared of being alone and trying to figure out my next step.
I can’t go back to Sydney and live at home I tried that, I was unhappy. I don’t know what to do. Try to work it out my baby’s farther or leave him and try to make a life for myself. I have $20,000 of his stolen money in my bank account that I could get away with. I could use it to start over. Does that make me insane? I don’t even know what sounds crazy now and what sounds normal. This Insanity is my new normal. I wish I had just one friend in Queensland that I could run to and stay and get my baring before I leave. But I have no one. I don’t know what to do, living this life unhappy isn’t the worst thing. And I could keep doing it, but I want better for myself.