- 9 years ago
- Wedding: October 2009
I am writting this post mainly because I am finally actually realizing and coming to terms with the fact I am in a rut! I am an unhealthy lazy food junkie!!!!
I have never been a big girl, I am 5′ and have this image of myself thats not the best. I always feel like I am heavier than most, when I know people say Im not and even call me crazy for thinking such things.
however, in the past 2 years I have yo-yoed my weight like crazy. 2 years ago I got an infection in my stomach and ended up loosing a great deal of weight (20 lbs in about 2 weeks to be exact) and ended up loosing another 10 lbs for a total of 30 lbs in a span of 8 months. Now I know this is a horrible thing to say, because I knew I looked like death (as I was sick, very frail and white as a ghost whilst sick) but I loved the way I looked, more or less felt with that weight off. After overcoming my illness I put most of the weight back on, and hated the way I looked.
This has been an ongoing thing for me the past 2 years, I get sick, loose max of 10 pounds, put it back on. over and over again
In September my fiance and I were having a lot of relationship problems and we ended up taking a break for a couple of months. In those months I was dedicated to helping my stomach heal (as I have never fully recovered from my illness) I went on a VERY stright diet (not for weight-loss reasons, but for health reasons) monitored by my specialist and naturopath cutting out, sugars, dairy, yeast, red meat, and gluten. I basically lived on fish and turkey and some rice. I felt healthy, and looked healthy, and lost almost 10lbs in the process.
After sorting things out with my FH in December I ended up going off the diet, and now eat whatever I please, were both foodies so we end up eating out at restaurants about 2-3 times a week, I love snacks and sweets. Not only have I put on almost 20lb in the past 4 months, I feel disgusting. not because of the weight gain but because im not suppose to eat like this! My body is telling me not to do it! my stomach is in pain all the time, but yet this morning I decided to scarff down 2 sausage mcmuffins!
I have had this thought in my mind that before my wedding, I wanted to start toning my back and arms (for my strapless dress) but its been 2 months now since I told myself I was going to do this, and have only worked out once. and still continue to eat like crap even though I am sooo concerend with looking my absolute best on my wedding day!
I just dont know what to do anymore, I just dont feel like I have the will power to do what I did when my FH and I were split up (with my strict dietary restrictions) nor do I feel so far I have themotivation to get started getting fit, and healthy! its getting to the point where I am lying to my FH about it too. Were trying to budget and save money, but here I am every lunch hour going to a mall food court and stuffing my face, and I tell him later on that I look a salad to work!!!!!!! it’s horrible!
Does anyone have any ideas of what I should do? or anything that would help me? I just feel like a lost cause at the moment, slowly and slowly getting worse.
any words of advice will do! I just can’t contunie on like this, I know the yo yo ups and down of my weight arent good to begin with, but to also add the horrible foods and lack of exercise I know I am in for a battle!