(Closed) stuck in limbo (long)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This might be a dumb question, but why don’t you move out with him?  Clearly living with your parents is not working out with you two.

Post # 5
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I say let him go.  Personally, I get why he would have a tough time living with your parents, but he knew it was short term and for a specific reason – to save for the wedding.  If he truly loved you and wanted to marry you, he would be able to suck it up until the wedding.  Also, if he truly loved and wanted to marry you he would say okay lets both move out then and just go to the courthouse/have a smaller wedding.

If he wanted it to work he’d make 1 of those 2 choices.  

Edit – I would also make him move out immediately.  Too bad if he doesn’t have a place yet, he needs to go stay with a friend or at the very least not in your parents house – what kind of D bag does that?!

Post # 7
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

you’re a better person than I, my initial reaction to you is you don’t owe him anything! (which I strongly believe!)

I know it hurts when you feel you’ve given more than you’ve gotten in a relationship but you will get through this – I promise!

I think he’s feeding you a bunch of bull shit though, his whole I won’t find anyone better than you and is completely f-ing with your head.  THat’s why I say you guys should cut all contact as soon as possible – it’s not a healthy situation!

I’m surprised your parents haven’t kicked him out – my mother would never let him stay in her house after all that!

What about moving out together but getting married a few years out to allow plenty of time to save money?  I don’t think he’s going to change his mind beacuse I think he doesn’t want to get married at this point. But, that’s the one last option I see you can feed to him and see if he accepts or not.

Big hus, xoxo. I promise he isn’t the only guy or the best guy out there – you’ll find someone else who will put him to shame!

Post # 8
Member
9953 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so sorry you’re hurting like this.  I have to agree with everyone – he’s giving you a load of crap by saying he wants to move out on his own, without you.  Because the reason he’s telling you he isn’t going to look for anyone else is only because he doesn’t want YOU to look for someone else, not that he won’t be.  You deserve better!  This is not the way a man in love and who wants to marry you behaves. 

I also agree that if this is how he feels he should go ahead and move out immediately.

Post # 11
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

The problem seems to stem from living with your parents (something I know my husband and I wouldn’t survive!!!) Why don’t you two take a step back in your relationship; once he moves out, ask him if he’s like to keep seeing you, and ask if he’s willing to work together to try and make things work.  My guess is things will get better. 

Then, if they do, you can move forward with the wedding plans, etc. 

Post # 13
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

His actions sound shady. I know you’re in a tough spot and you love him, but he gave up far to easily and you need a real man who can live through the tribulations of life, especially if it’s something you both agreed to do initially.

Post # 14
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

is your wedding date accurate? because if so, i can definitely see there being an issue with living with your parents until then, that is a significant amount of time.

i would tell him that you love him, you want to be with him and that you hope you can get over this tough time together. I would say to him; ‘you should move out and find more independence, and why don’t we see each other x times a week and see if that is workable for us?’ maybe there could be compromises; you could have a key/stay over once a week?

i would however, add, that you should have an end date to this arrangement. ie: ‘you move out, we’ll see each other x times per week, and revisit this discussion in 3 months to evaluate if we want the wedding to stay on/if we want to move in together/ if we want to break up.’ that way he knows that there is a period of time for both of you to try, and that you’re not willing to be strung along forever.

you might find that for whatever reason, the current living arrangement is too much anxiety etc for him and that some time living alone is what he needs to refocus on what he has and wants. i hope that it works out for you, but i would really reccommend having a plan to keep you sane, and to keep you both on the same page in a messy time.

Post # 16
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

@lilipad55:  Just wanted to say that you seem like a strong, sensible person, and I hope he doesn’t just let you go! Good luck.

The topic ‘stuck in limbo (long)’ is closed to new replies.

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