Post # 1
I am looking for unbiased advice, as I am not sure I am the best person to address this issue. My mother has a brother who she has barely spoken to in more than 20 years. He is very toxic and our family has had to remove him from our circle. He has mental issues, so that’s part of the problem. He has very little interaction with any of the other family members, including his own parents. For some reason, my mom’s parents now think we should invite him and his family the wedding. My mother is very upset that she is being asked to do this. My father does not want him there either, but will support whatever we decided. As for me, I have absolutely zero, zilch, not even an inkling of relationship with this man or his family. They have never in my 28 years been part of my life, even before my mom cut off all ties. My parents are hosting the wedding, but have given us carte blanche on the invite list. What should I do?
Post # 2
Don’t invite him. Your parents are hosting so you should respect their wishes.
Your grandparents are wishing for a reconciliation between their children (even though it sounds like your mother is better off away from him), but YOUR wedding is not the time for THEIR agenda.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2016 - Bell Tower on 34th
I totally agree with PP. this exact thing happened at my wedding. Someone was hoping for a reconciliation. My wedding was not the place for it! I would definitely respect your mom’s wishes!
Post # 4
Don’t invite him. I don’t invite my own brother and I don’t feel bad about it at all.
Post # 5
Thank you all…I did not think about the reconciliation part. You are correct, as I want my mom to enjoy my day and she will not if he is there. I hear you all loud and clear…
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
I wouldn’t personally. But I may be the wrong person to ask because I didn’t invite a single member of my entire family to my wedding…or even TELL them about it. I’m estranged from my abusive parents – and the rest of my family by association.
Post # 7
Do not invite him. It doesn’t matter what the relationship is. My grandmother is a very difficult person who goes through people’s belongings and brings chaos everywhere she goes. I love her and she is coming to my wedding but I told my mother that she absolutely may not stay at our house. Period and non-negotiable. My mother pushed back about it several times but I held my ground. This is part of the agreement for my grandmother to be there.
Boundaries are our friends. Your grandparents can welcome their son to their home anytime they want. Your wedding is not the time to stage a reunion with someone who is toxic.
Post # 8
Add another to the no list. Sounds like drama waiting to happen!
Post # 9
It sounds like your grandparents are looking for a reconciliation on your parents’ dime. Sorry, grandma.
Both my fiance and I are estranged from one family member (on each side). Neither of these people were ever on the guest list. Both sets of parents and siblings tried to pull guilt trips, but we weren’t having it. Fortunately, you have your parents on your side!
Stay strong–you won’t regret it!