Post # 1
My best girl friend has just gone through a breakup. She was with her ex for almost a decade. They were not married, have no children and there was no engagement. It hit her hard.
The problem is her ex is also a very good friend of mine. He told me that although he still loves her something was missing and he could not carry on the relationship knowing deep down there was no future.
I have moved away from them both and now live 100 miles away but they both have been calling and messaging me with how they are feeling.
He has been receiving hate mail from their so called mutual friends and he has sunk into depression because of the things she has been posting about him on FB. He came to me on FB last night and told me how he was feeling. I tried to talk rationally to him about everything and remained neutral and kept my personal thoughts to myself. He was talking about ending it all so I gave him contact numbers for people he can call and told him he needs to speak to a professional about his feelings.
My girl friend meanwhile has been spouting out all her thoughts and feeling to me too and honestly it is all so much information to take in. I am trying my best to remain impartial but its hard. My primary concern is their well being.
They have blocked each other on facebook but she is still calling him at work hourly and leaving hate messages because other mutual friends have been stirring. Its honestly taking its toll on him and she is revelling in the fact he is so misserable.
my usually calm and rational friend into a possessive monster and its a horrible thing to see her go through. She loved him to bits but something clearly wasnt working or he wouldnt feel the need to end it.
I have told them both I am not picking sides and they need to either have a clean break with no contact or talk things through rationally and calmly and get everything out in the open then move forward with their lives.
I feel like the piggy in the middle but i cant just ignore them both.
Im sorry if this post is disjointed Im just so frustrated and want to bang both their heads together and knock some sense into them!
Post # 2
In this case, I would pick a side. She is out of line, majorly, to the point that it could be harmful to the other person. I would tell her, as lovingly but sternly as possible, to get her shit together– leave him alone and let him move on and advise her to do the same.
Post # 3
Mrs_Amanda: My personal thougts on this are that she is in the wrong and needs to leave him alone, accept the break up and move on with her life and let him get on with his but I have no idea how to voice that opinion without ruining our friendship.
I can understand totally where he is coming from though. Hes is a lot more mature than she is and I know he was looking for commitment with an engagement and house etc and she didnt want to change the ways things were. She doesnt do well with change at all but I think he realised she wasnt on board with marriage and he really wants that so he ended it in hopes of finding that with someone else.
Its like I see ofen on these board. Ladies in waiting giving their SO a timeline and a walk away date. I think he had this too. Why should it be any different for men. He was waiting for her to accept an engagement and he got fed up of waiting.
I love her to bits but I think i am on his side in reality.
Post # 4
ChocolateLime: I think you have to talk to her and tell her, with love, that she is being unreasonable and over the top and that she *has* to stop this behavior. It’s not okay. This is one of those situations when you *need* to speak up. It’s not really choosing a side because you would be doing it for both their sakes.
Post # 5
Your friend sounds like a huge bitch. Sorry.
I would tell the ex-boyfriend to call the police and file a harrassment report. Because that is absolutely what she is doing and it is unacceptable, regardless of who broke up with who.
Post # 6
ChocolateLime: I agree with PPs and based on what you said I think you do need to pick a side – you need to stick up for him. She has crossed a line. Breakups are hard on everyone, she is going way too far in her actions.
Post # 7
ChocolateLime: I would tell your best friend this is why her boyfriend broke up with her. Clearly he saw the traits and the pettiness she is now exhibiting much more clearly than when they were together. She’s acting like a child. I wouldn’t want to date her either. Tell your friend to do what Westwood said above.
Post # 8
Your friend sounds immature. I would pick sides.
People are allowed to end relationships when they want to, that doesn’t give your friend the right to act like an insane bitch to someone she loved for almost a decade. I get pain, but she’s being malicious and needs to stop. I would phone the police if I were him.
And, if I were you. I’d be picking sides. Easily. I don’t fuck around with people who act the way she is. That’s nonsense and completely disrespectful to what they had together.
Post # 9
Pick the guy friend! He needs someone on his side! He told you that he wanted to end his life! He needs someone! And he also needs someonr to tell the girl to leave him alone!
Post # 10
Time to speak up and tell your girlfriend that she is not handling this well at all and she needs to get her act together. This isn’t so much about picking sides as it is about speaking up when you see someone being treated poorly. She has a right to be upset about the break up, but she does not have the right to harass him at work and make his life miserable and get her friends to gang up on him. I would tell her to grow up and tell him to report what she’s doing.
It seems like you have some insight into the relationship and why things ended. Maybe she needs to hear it from a different perspective to see that it really wasn’t going to last long term. It sounds like they wanted different things, plain and simple.
Post # 11
Ok I have just read back both their messages and she does sound like a 2 year old whos friend stole her Barbie. I did suggest a restraining order and I suggested getting a new work number as she keeps calling him at work. this is what he said Restraining order will escalate things way more than it is. It won’t stop the venom being sent to me by strangers.
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<div data-reactid=”.4k.$mid=11415783543701=279153ef10317d8ba53.2:0.0.0.0″>Ashamedly it’s a small company. So no spare sims. I can’t change numbers due to some of the clients who contact me spend £300,000 a year I can’t mess this up. I haven’t brought this situation to work as I don’t wants personal life and work life to mix. Tho its hard to put a brave face on at mine when I’m getting grief. I just don’t get if she want to break this clean then so be it. That’s what I tried to do the first time and she wouldn’t allow it. I played by her rules now she hates me for it.</div>
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<div data-reactid=”.4k.$mid=11415783578092=2181e529275fd778443.2:0.0.0.0″>I honestly feel like I’m backed into a corner.</div>
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<div data-reactid=”.4k.$mid=11415783578092=2181e529275fd778443.2:0.0.0.0″>I want her to be happy but all this hate that’s being thrown towards me is taking me apart I want her to be happy not hate me. She does deserve better than me but I was and am in a terrible place atm. To now be getting threats from people and horrible messages. I feel like slitting my wrists and calling it a day! I’ve never felt so hated. I wish people would let us sort it out rather than air this on fb”</div>
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<div data-reactid=”.4k.$mid=11415783578092=2181e529275fd778443.2:0.0.0.0″>ok I am going to speak to her about what she is doing. </div>
Post # 12
im so sorry WB is being stupid, you guys wont be able to read any of that!
Post # 13
She really is being a psycho EX. It’s not fair to him. I understand she’s hurt and probably didn’t expect it coming but being flat out evil to the point where it put someone into a deep depression is insane. I would pick sides. It would be hard to be friends with someone that is harassing someone. She needs to grow up and stop acting like a child. Clearly this is a huge awakening of why he probably left her.
Post # 14
She is already escalating it. He either needs a restraining order or simply to call the police and let them know he’s getting daily threats. That super sucks that he can’t change his number!
Have you tried talking to her?