Post # 1
So the boy and I have made huge progress with discussions about getting married. We’ve discussed when and what kind of wedding. We’ve even looked online at a place and have fallen in love with it. We showed it to my parents (my dad is picky) and they decided to go take a ride out to look at it and they loved it too. And the date we want is available.
The date is kind of a big deal b/c we are huge supporters of our college football team, so its their off week next fall. Since the place we like is near our college, that weekend is sure to be a popular date for any Fall brides in that area. So the likelyhood of it booking up soon is pretty good.
Problem…WE ARE NOT OFFICIALLY ENGAGED! My parents don’t want to lose the place and neither do I. But I just cannot see putting money down on a place when I’m not even engaged yet.
A few weekends the Boy tried to go talk to my parents, but my parents randomly decided to go and be social on that day and were not home (we dont live in the same state as my parents). So when the boy was in their area that was his one shot at talking to them…opportunity missed. Anyway, we are not going back home until the first home football game this year – which happens to be almost a month away.
I think if he had talked to my parents I might feel kind of ok about putting money on a place PRE-Ring. But since the talk hasn’t happened, I just don’t feel right. I even asked the Boy if he wanted my parents number b/c I felt weird about getting a place and we are not engaged. He feels that its a conversation best had face to face. So a phone call is out of the questions.
I see if from both sides. I just feel stuck in the middle and I don’t know what the solution is. Any advice
Post # 3
I think I would wait for a proposal before putting money down on a place, just for peace of mind. But thats just me – you know how your marriage discussions went and the level of seriousness, so only you can gauge. You seem like you are pretty open with these discussion, so why not work through this one together?
Post # 4
Hmhh… at this point it’s kind of late in the game to be asking your parents. They have already gone to look at the venue so they are already aware that you are planning on getting engaged, and they have basically given their blessing by being involved in planning the wedding. If you, your fiance, and your parents are all ready to move forward with booking, then I say go for it. Your fiance can then go to them on his own time and say something along the line of “I know the wheels are already in motion for planning but I would like to formally ask for your blessing before I present Petunia with a ring and ask her to be my wife”. I think you will all be disappointed if you put off booking the place because of this, and then you lose your date.
Post # 5
we booked a place before we were officially engaged. the ring had been purchased, he had talked to my dad, the ring just wasn’t here yet. we had already talked about dates and found a venue we loved. the venue gets booked up 12-18 months in advance and we didn’t want to lose the date (it’s a holiday weekendand it was about 11 1/2 months out at this point). so, i talked to my parents, he talked to his, and we agreed booking the venue was the right thing to do.
however, some people thought we were crazy for doing this BUT it worked out best for us. we were both VERY open with each other and our family about the wedding, and honestly, they considered us “pretty much engaged” when we said we wanted to set a date. we openly told people “we’re getting married next february!”, even though we werent “engaged” officially. my point is that we were 100% on the same page with everything, which is why booking a place worked out fine for us. i ended up getting the ring 2 weeks after we booked the venue while we were on vacation.
p.s. my dad lives 2 hours from us, and my fiance works 60 hours a week. getting down there and finding a time my dad was free (he also works 60 hours a week) was difficult, so they just talked on the phone. it worked fine, and my dad didn’t seem to mind at all.
Post # 6
I would wait. I don’t think the “talk” would change things for me though. If your parents were willing to go out and look and didn’t want to miss the date your Fiance should already know they are in full support of the wedding and in that case I don’t see why a phone call would be a problem. I would wait for the actual ring but I do know of people that book before the ring so do what you’re comfortable with.
Post # 7
My 2 cents: I agree wtih Moose1209 that he already basically has their blessing.
I don’t see why a phone call would be a problem either. And as far as booking before the ring, that is up to your own comfort level. If you reallly need the ring first I don’t see why he couldn’t make a phone call.
Post # 8
Know what terrible me did? I figured out what he was waiting on to propose, and I invited my parents to come a few weeks before that. If he wants to ask my dad in person, he has a perfect opportunity. Maybe you could convince your parents to visit for a weekend?