(Closed) stuck in waiting to ttc limbo – help!

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Hmm, we really do seem to be on similar wavelengths!  

If possible, try to stop thinking about whether you should have had a baby when you were at your old job since it has no impact on your current situation and will only make you crazy.  I hate having to guess whether circumstances will be better or not in the future (time-wise it seems better now, money-wise it might be better later, but everything could change!).  Maybe you two can write up some budgets to see exactly where you are now and where you could be.  Think about how you might feel if your career paths changed due to a baby-adjunct positions usually do not pay well but a non-academic job might be available if your husband is willing to try it after he graduates.  The big question is would he (or it could be you) be willing to do something different to support your family; if a baby worth possibly comprimising career plans?

Best of luck!  I am still struggling with similar questions and I do not think there are any right answers after a certain point!

Post # 4
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@roseohseven:  I read all the posts that say I should not have a baby unless I am financially stable, have no debt, have $10k in the bank, have steady jobs and a house and full insurance for everyone, etc.

If we all waited until that happened the population would take a nosedive.  Nothing is ever truly stable; anyone could potentially lose their job tomorrow or have a major health event that maxes out their health insurance or bank account.  So long as you aren’t desitute and having a baby won’t make you destitute, you can find ways to make it work.  The biggest thing is making sure you have a network of people around you that are supportive and being realistic in having a child (i.e. not spending thousands decorating a nursery the baby won’t even appreciate.)

For us, we have agreed to TTC by the time I am 35 regardless of whether we are financially ready or not.  Unless we are one step away from being homeless we will figure out how to make it work.  Kids don’t care that you are poor, especially when they are younger, so long as they have your love and attention and adequate food to eat and clean clothes to wear.

Post # 5
2283 posts
Buzzing bee

You know what, go ahead and start trying to make that baby. You’ve waited long enough. 

All of those people who say “You MUST have this, this, and that to have a baby” are full of crap. Yes, it’s good to be stable, but at this point, at your age and your husband’s age, you just need to get started. Having all of those things that people keep telling you are essential before the child is there or when they are born does not mean they will always be there, and not having them right away doesn’t mean you won’t be able to get them, and keep them, later. 

What we do know is that fertility is not guaranteed for life, so go ahead, start. 

There are a lot of ways to raise children and provide for them. I can guarantee you that the people who told you that you shouldn’t have a baby until you have those things you listed don’t know as much as they think they do. 

Oh, and when you try to conceive, if you don’t have fertility issues, the best thing to do is just have sex with your husband the natural way and enjoy it; let nature do what it has been doing for all this time. Stressing about conceiving can actually make it more difficult. Be mindful of your cycle and how your body works, but don’t stress about it. There is way too much of that going on in the TTC boards. 

Post # 6
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@roseohseven:  girl, I say go for it. This is life– and it may never be as easy as you hope it to be, but it doesn’t mean you should put these precious years on hold.  The longer you wait, the less time you and your family will have. NOT to say quanity is better than quality of time… just a different perspective on things.


Post # 7
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think you may ever be in the perfect place where your job and healthcare is concerned. Things rarely work out the way we plan them to and that shouldn’t stop you from having children.

That being said, I think the biggest factor here is actually your husband’s schooling.  Does he have time for a baby right now? My husband is doing his MBA and he barely has any free time. I can’t imagine how busy a PHD student must be. Also, I know it’s a long shot, but after graduation he will at least have the potential to be earning more money… Or he could be a stay at home dad for a while so you could go back to work early.

Ultimately, you have to stop debating hypotheticals and work with what you’ve got. It takes nine months to make a baby… so just figure out your plan (good, bad or otherwise) and go for it.


Post # 8
12 posts
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m not sure if you’re aware of the changes to health care, but you may want to start looking them over. The new marketplace opens next month with new plans taking effect in January. I mention this, because I know in most states now, if you are on an individual plan your insurance is not required to cover anything maternity or delivery related. These things WILL be covered  with the new plans, and it sounds like you will probably qualify for assistance in paying premiums. So, if your husband does end up without a job or a job with no benefits, all hope for insurance is not lost.


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