Post # 16
SithLady: I didn’t read the link you shared- BUT I have read a similar (or maybe the same!) article.
One of the points made was that there are some men who literally need that bigger, more expensive ring to woo the woman in– and if that’s the case, her intentions were right from the start. Which is then no surprise if there is a divorce.
I understand there are plenty of couple who are truly in love and also have money. But it’s not hard to believe that some relationships are built off of fun and fortune. I know a few people personally who- were relatively young, but got a 1 carat ring (which I know isn’t considered SUPER expensive- but is still quite impressive, especially at a young age)– and they just couldn’t say no to the ring and impending wedding. Both of those marriages ended rather quickly, and rather messy, might I add. I happen to have been very close friends with both of these people which is why I feel comfortable know that these weddings happened because a diamond was presented.
Then there’s not the guy who feels he needs a larger diamond to get the girl- but the girl DEMANDS a certain size ring. Whether the man can afford ir or not- the fact the DEMANDS is– says something about thier relationship, IMO.
I am NOT saying that every girl who has a large ring is demanding, nor am I saying that just because you might have a bigger ring that your marriage is surely doomed. Just saying that the correlation isn’t exactly surprising for a number of reasons.
Post # 17
About the couples spending less on wedding rings and having higher divorce rates, I’m inclined to think they might be young, and statistics show young couples are more likely to divorce. Realistically, if I was 17 or 18, right out of high school, I couldn’t afford (and neither would my FI) for a 2K ring either.
As for overcompensating with lavish rings and events, I believe it’s a sad reality. Of course not everybody fits into this category, but again, statistics show the average household spends a lot of money they don’t have. The more debt, the more stress, the more it can impact your marriage and at some point, end it.
Post # 18
MrsBuesleBee: I did see that study as well. Though having a big wedding doesn’t necessarily mean having an expensive wedding, I think the study was looking at divorce rates being 3.5x higher in couples that spent more than $20K. I believe the study that I posted also found that divorce rates were lower in couples who had large guest lists and took honeymoons. This, I think, may be related to having a lot of family and friends for support.
Post # 19
MrsBuesleBee: OP said this as well, but I know big does not equal expensive. We had a 250 person wedding for a little under 10K, when the national average cost is $25,000.
Expensive to me is relative. $10,000 is a very inexpensive 250 person wedding, but would be a very expensive 10 person wedding.
Post # 20
At the end of the day, it is all just stats and numbers and figures. As long as you are happy with your life and marriage is healthy- who cares what “studies” say- big OR small wedding/ring/house/car/lifestyle.
Post # 21
MissLibra: Exactly. Correlation is not causation. Having an expensive wedding does not necessarily cause people to have divorces. However, what this study does show is that you shouldn’t feel like you need an expensive ring or wedding to have a good marriage and that, in fact, the opposite is often true. Spending more money does not mean that you have more love.
Post # 22
I don’t believe that this study is very accurate at all. Using mechanic turks is ok for a lot of things but won’t get you a lot of wealthier respondants (bc why would a rich person be filling out surveys for 50 cents)? So of course an expensive wedding and ring are predictive of divorce for this particular sample because the individuals they sampled can’t afford so much. It speaks more to being irresponsible with money than “showey” or “caring more about the wedding than the marriage”
Post # 23
SithLady: ive noticed with my divorced friends, usually (not all of them) had the biggest and most expensive rings, houses and weddings. maybe for some people this is how they over compensate??? and of course im not saying oh you had a huge wedding and expensive ring, you are doomed. doomed i tell you.. there are exceptions to every rule. but then again, whats really considered expensive? a 10000 ring might be a lot for other bees while another would think thats completly normal.
Ellicott: im going to say that doesnt apply.
freshflowers: its funny that you said that. im my home town where my mom lives, its 7 bucks for a half gallon of milk. ive tried to tell her to just buy a goat already lol
Post # 24
Was just talking to SO about this earlier. I think when people spend within their means, dont go into debt while purchasing the ring, and the recipient would say yes regardless of size, quality, etc of the ring all of this might be irrelevant. I got my dream ring, but would have said yes to a $10 Walmart costume ring. the marriage with him is what’s important, not the adornments that come with it.
Post # 25
Money does not equal happiness… How many celebs blow millions on the rings and weddings just to be divorced in less than 5 years?! Sadly, people keep trying to be like them. The focus should be on the marriage and the rest is just icing.
Post # 26
Very interesting!! My Darling Husband and I have definitely commented on couples in our circle that attach great importance to having very expensive and large rings, tend to be often the couples we have doubts about their compatibility and the reasons they want to get married (i.e. like the idea of it more than are actually ready). As some other bees pointed out, sometimes I think this is due to disregarding the value of money (I can think of a few examples of that) and it extends to other aspects of their relationships.