- 9 years ago
The whole story is always good, yes?
My fiancé’s parents have not been together for years, so he has two completely separate sides of his family. His mother’s side has been nothing but wonderful and welcoming throughout our entire relationship. His father’s side is a different story, though.
His relationship with his father has always been decent enough. They have almost always lived in different states, but time spent together was always pleasant and contact was relatively frequently. This did change for awhile due to a medical condition, but it has been a non-issue for more than 2 ½ years now. Fast forward to last May when we became engaged. The response was all positive, in fact, his father sent an email stating that if we needed help to please let him know. We took him at his word and brought up a general wedding budget and if there was any willingness to help. That was too much, though, and he apparently became quite angered by this. He stopped talking to his son, and had me talk to his wife about any financial issues. This was in the beginning of June. Of course this was all just a bit stunning, but we figured it would wash over soon enough.
Contact fell off until August when my fiancé’s father emailed him about going to a baseball game when he was going to be in town. It was short, but sometimes people are and don’t really mean a whole lot by it. The response was, “of course.” We heard nothing until the week he was supposed to visit. He contacted us to tell us his wife would not be joining us. Then he contacted us to say he changed his schedule, and that he would not be available at all. He would only be having dinner with his mother. I admit this was quite the red flag. Apparently his grandmother was not particularly keen on any sort of get together either.
Fall came and we kept on trying to keep a positive outlook. We heard nothing more for awhile. In October we emailed again with links to some engagement photos and a few more updates on progress, inquiring as to any ideas, etc. etc.. His step-mother responded some advice and questions. His father’s ideas? “Keep it simple.”
Yeah. That was it.
Several weeks later his father emailed and asked if we were planning on coming down for Thanksgiving. His invite “we have plenty of food.” Months prior we had decided to start an alternating Thanksgiving schedule, so we already knew we would be going to see my parents. On the holiday we called and spoke to the family. My fiancé’s conversation with his father and grandmother was fairly stilted. His grandmother did mention, though, that a cousin of his would be visiting from North Carolina, and that we should stop-up during the week of Christmas. She could not tell us the exact date, but said she would get back to us.
About a month later my fiancé received a mass-distribution email from his father stating that he had been let go from his job. He called him that evening. He told me later that his father’s tone was the best he had heard in a while, and thought that maybe the whole job-loss situation gave him a little more perspective on the importance of family. Before Christmas he emailed his grandmother to ask about a few addresses. Included in those were the individuals who were going to be visiting from North Carolina in a few weeks. Her response was just the addresses. No “hi,” and of course nothing about when the family would be visiting. Christmas came, and another call. Stilted, again, and no mention of the wedding.
At this point it was all a little much. I guess you can say it all came to ahead in the past week or so. Apparently my fiancés father was in town, and did not let us know. We also emailed again last Monday to tell his grandmother, step-mother and father that we had moved, to give them the address and of course a little update on the whole planning process. We have received no response from his father or step-mother. His grandmother just asked “Have you sent the save-the-dates to the M
My first thought was that they were out of town, or just busy for a while. I don’t think this is the case, though, as his father has found the time to update the picture on his Facebook page several times throughout the week. Really.
I’m at the point where I just don’t know what to do. I am perpetually angry because of how my fiancé is being treated. I can deal with my feelings about it, but to know that someone I care about very deeply is being hurt is the kicker for me. Do we just ignore it? Do we confront them? If it was all on me, I just wouldn’t even invite them unless they pulled a 180 degree change in their attitude. Heck, at this point I would settle for a 90 degree shift. That doesn’t really seem like the right choice either. I am trying to let it go, but it is just too much.
And of course, there is money involved. They said X amount and now who knows? Would you even bother asking, or just see if someone would be forthcoming on their own? Everything can go forward, but it would be tight.
Any thoughts will be very much appreciated. Thanks!!