- 2 months ago
I got into an argument with FI last night that I feel was blown out of proportion. Figure I could use some weddingbee brutal honesty.
For context, we had a great weekend, but earlier that day he was fighting with his ex (kids’ mother) and she was threatening to rip kids away from him indefinately, have the state police show up at our house, etc. (this is a semi regular occurence. she blew him off/no show on his court ordered day last week so he told her he was keeping his kids overnight again to make up the day, and that is how she reacted. very high conflict, stress inducing).
So anyway, he was not in the best of moods when he came home. Our fight was about him getting up very early to take the kids fishing and turning on all of the lights while I slept, opening and closing doors, looking for things (kids water shoes, sunblock)- all stressed out – talking loudly, etc. So, he woke me on my day off, when a little planning the night before could have been a big help. Not necessarily a huge deal, I know, but if I even so much as sniffle too loudly in the morning, he always snaps at me. Always. He is so incredibly serious about needing his sleep, and notoriously grumpy in the morning, that even when I am getting ready for work, he has snapped at me for the bathroom light shining in his eyes from the crack of the door. Yet, he can parade around huffing and puffing at the crack of dawn? That bothered me.
Later in the evening when he got back from fishing and dropping off the kids I did mention to him that I didn’t appreciate his disregard for me this morning on my day off, since I walk on eggshells to not wake him in the morning. He completely denied it and made excuses… “it wasn’t THAT early” … I wasn’t “THAT loud” … etc. He couldn’t just admit that if the tables were turned he would have been angry, so he should extend me the same courtesy I am expected to show him. That is all I wanted… him to acknowledge that I work 50 hours per week, so I would like to be treated with respect while asleep on my one morning off. At that point I raised my voice an octave and said something about him being in denial and he took it as me “yelling at him” and he was disgusted that I would bring something up 10 hours later JUST to fight with him, etc. So the argument escalated (I think he was so mad from fighting with his ex that he was already fuming, which I can’t stand, having his leftover bad mood) and we went to bed mad, and have not spoken today.
I just wanted to feel heard and I told him that. I understand it is not a huge issue but he sees things as so black and white (it happened in the morning so why would I bring it up later on), for me sometimes things bother me afterwards.
Am I totally ridiculous for bringing that up at the end of the day?