Stupid argument-am I wrong?

posted 1 year ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
8267 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sassy411 :  

Mine was dragging things like broken keyboards around through multiple moves.  You would think he had lived through the Great Depression.

Lol, mine too. There is a box of t shirts under the spare room bed which he brought into the relationship  with  him years ago.  In the garage, apart from his large collection of vintage motorbikes, and about 2 million tools  there are several hugely outdated computers  , god knows  how many old phones, several cannibalised ordinary  bikes and…… I can’t bear to go on  …

OP, maybe you can do as I do , and make  line of demarcation beyond which  He Shall Not  Pass. Or make him hire a storage unit . Him hire it, not both of you .

Post # 32
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

some people just gets too attached over something that has past. and as much as they enjoyed it, maybe that’s the reason you Darling Husband wants to keep everything he has as some memories do have meanings and are hard to forget. you guys should talk nicely and come to a compromisation as to if he still insists on having it all, where would you guys put it so that it doesn’t take up so much space, but if he decided on getting rid some of it, do make time to help him figuring out which one, where you guys can sit and go through it together while you listening to his stories.

Post # 33
Member
1869 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

My husband is the same if not worse. We have a three bedroom bungalow. One room is full of his junk or sports gear. He has two sets of dive gear, a bag of cricket gear, bag of tennis gear, a bag of rugby gear,  so much skiing and snowboard gear, two surf boards, climbing gear, running blocks and goodness knows what else. Does he use it all? No! Also he has so many t-shirts and clothes he doesn’t get rid of. Plus we have his grandmas couch which I just hate. He is so attached to it that my dad brought up in his wedding speech how sentimental my husband is! I moved in after my husband and we are buying a $3 miĺlion  house off his parents. I’ve never paid a cent for the house. I know im so lucky though as houses are so expensive here and most of our generation is stuck renting. very frustrating and totally understand. 

When I’m pregnant that spare room has to be cleared out. We need a garage.  He also gets cross when I get rid of stuff. 

I feel your pain bee!!

Post # 34
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

sassy411 :  lmao your husband sounds like my Dear mother. Lord help us. The woman has an entire floor – yes, you heard that right- to boxes upon boxes and furniture, old toys from when we were kids…clothes from when my brother was 10 (he’s 27 now)…old pillows paintings lights, etc etc. When we went there for vaca for a week I brought it up to dear Dad saying, ‘I can spare a day or two and sort through this sh*t’ ‘no, don’t even go there, it will upset your mother’. GREAT!

My poor father. 

Post # 35
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

My friend have the same problem. Her husband is a packed rat. To solvef that, they have a joint account for paying bills, emergency saving and saving like for retirement or trip. However they also have their own personal account:their play money. They each get an monthly allowance. They cannot afford crap in their house cause they have no extra space. He didn’t want to pay for a bigger house. So the compromise was any extra boxes of junk or as pack rats call “memories” box, he have to rent a storage space outside of their home and pay it with his “play” money. It has been a motivation for him to cut it down instead of renting more space. 

Post # 36
Member
2489 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I am a very sentimental person so I understand your husband’s motives. However, that even sounds excessive to me. 

Can you compromise and have him store things in the garage or basement? Maybe make a small area of the home designated for his “memories” and if it doesn’t fit have him purge.

Post # 37
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee

Seeing junk and clutter everywhere legitimately stresses me out. I would hate coming home knowing I was going to see clutter everywhere and get anxiety. He needs to figure out why he is holding onto useless things and go from there. My husband was like this but saw how much anxiety it caused me so he got rid of stuff. My lowered stress levels and happiness in our home was more important to him than his useless junk. I hope your husband can do the same.

Post # 38
Member
1277 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

My Darling Husband is the same. Lots of boxes of childhood items, toys, collectables, a drum set,  etc while I equivalently had one box of yearbooks. As a minimalist, the sight of all this stuff annoys me but we have the space for all these items in our basement so I can’t make him get rid of it. If we lived in a smaller house and had kids and it got to the point where we could not support all this extra clutter, I think it’d be fair to have him give up some items or pay for a storage unit.

A friend suggested to take pictures of some of the items and electronically scan the pictures/papers so the memories are captured and the physical item could be gotten rid of.

Post # 39
Member
3713 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

This would drive me crazy and I have a lot of “stuff”. Our storage room is a disaster area. 

I would tell him that you appreciate that he has lovely memories attached to all of these things, but they’re not serving any purpose if they’re all stored in totes anyways. Ask him to pick is favorite 2 shirts, favorite 2 art projects, etc. Another bee suggested taking pictures of things.. I think that’s a great idea. You can make a photo album of all his memorabilia then toss it. I don’t understand saving old shoes… If he’s never going to wear it again, it’s time for it to go! If he’s so unwilling to get rid of it, I would ask him to rent a storage locker. Maybe if it costs him to keep this stuff, he’ll think harder about why he MUST keep it all. 

Post # 40
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

When my fi and I were dating I spent a couple weeks of my winter break with him. He lived in a small studio at the time, and was working overnights. So I changed my sleep schedule to spend time with him for a couple days. Being up at night meant I had a lot of time on my hands. I went through his clothes (with his permission). He had tube socks that were stretched to 2-3 feet, but was all “What if I forget to do my laundry?” I was amazed at how much random crap he shoved into a small space. We are still working through all of his stuff. However, we have done a couple of things: 1. Compromise. “You can keep sentimental things, but they have to fit into x many of boxes/totes. 2. Tell my why you are keeping it. Why is it useful? Ive learned that he typically has useful junk. Like the box full of cables? When things break it doesn’t mean a run to the store, and I am totally happy with that. 

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