(Closed) Stupid Facebook thing ruining morning

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

(((((islme))) I hope you start to feel better. I hate when people make “jokes” that are intentially hurtful.

Post # 4
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

hang tight it will happen.

Post # 5
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

“He said the fictional people would never grace his own photos…” It sounds like he acknowledged that e-pics are something that will be coming up at some point.

I’m sorry you are feeling this way, especially at Christmas. His brother’s Fiance is certainly not more important than you. I can understand feeling that way, though. Try to focus on how lucky you are to have your SO this holiday season.

Post # 6
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Isilme: Have you actually tried talking to him about the WHY behind the wait? I swear every. single. thread. like this, the poster has not had deep, honest, open conversations about WHY they have their own personal timeline. You can’t read each other’s minds. TALK TO THE BOY. Then you won’t need to feel like you do, and you can enjoy your friends’ happiness!

Post # 9
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Isilme: The “I don’t want to be owned” comment is a little disturbing, to be honest. Marriage is a partnership and from that comment, it sounds like he has a really unhealthy view of marriage in general. =/ How long have you been waiting? It might be time to take some other steps if it looks like he’s not going to commit, such as moving out if you live together (to take away the “wife benefits”).

Post # 11
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Isilme: Yikes. Is he in any sort of counseling?

Post # 12
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

:[ i’m sorry, girl. you’re so patient and i know it’s starting to get frustrating. maybe you need some sort of shake up!

Post # 13
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You are not alone! Facebook totally has a way of somehow making one feel bad about themselves in comparison to others.

I understand that you feel like moving out would be like giving an ultimatum, but I think some guys just need a little push in the right direction, and it isn’t really an ultimatum if you are doing it bc it is right for you, not to get him to do something. I guess it is about how long you are willing to wait and give up something really important to you to be w/him without marriage….or if you can make it clear that this is so important to you and sometimes guys do need that push to realize “gee, maybe this isn’t that important to me, but it IS super important to her, and I love her and want her to be happy, so I am going to budge a little sooner than I wanted to”..

big hugs sweety!

Post # 14
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

@Isilme:  I feel the facebook pain.  The combonation of misinterpreting comments, to seeing things you maybe shouldn’t see, to comparing your life to others…its a mess. 

I love reading your posts because you can really just feel the love for your SO in them.  You are wise because you know that part of the “package” is dealing with your SO’s past and its your love for him that will endure and will get you through everything….not the manipulation, or the mind games, etc to get him to propose quicker.  You know that real man will see through that crap…you’ve done everything; you’ve expressed your desire to get married, the reasoning behind it, and have been patient and understanding with him…Many women would have walked away years ago.  It’s exciting that he’s started to discuss marriage in a positive way and I’m happy for you!  Don’t let the others get you down.  Remember that the ultimate goal is a happy, strong relationship resulting in a lasting marriage, not just simply marriage.  (That’s what I tell myself when I see these real young kids getting married 😉

Post # 15
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  Ahhh, Facebook can be so evil (sometimes)! Before my Fiance and I got engaged, there would be certain times that I would purposely avoid checking (as long as I could), just because I knew it was prime engagement time. There were so many couples who had been dating for a shorter time than my Fiance and I and were getting engaged, I was starting to feel like something was wrong with us. But then, I think of a bunch of couples who got married younger, and two have gotten divorced. Out of our group of friends, we were the last ones to get engaged, and we had one of the longest relationships! I just had to remind myself that sadly, someone had to be last.

  In terms of the family thing, I completely understand and relate. Mr. Smiling and I have been dating for a little over 6 years. Mr. Smiling’s brother met a girl two years ago (Mr. Smiling’s brother currently is 32, I am 26, and Mr. Smiling is 24). They moved in together at six months, got engaged at a year, married 11 months after that. When I knew that they were getting engaged, I was a hot mess of emotions. I was happy for them, sad that we weren’t at that stage, and I had those feelings that I didn’t measure up as much because I wasn’t at the fiancee stage yet. Luckily, his family did a great job of making me feel like I was on the same playing field (they knew for us, it was just a matter of time). My Future Sister-In-Law also was/is really sweet and nice. It was a good situation.

  Have you talked about future plans, where you see yourselves at? At some point, you have to decide if you’re comfortable with waiting, or if you need to try another avenue. That crossroads absolutely sucks, but it’s also not fair to you to be going down a path that won’t lead you to where you want to be.

  I hope all goes well!

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